detaching

[violetforever]

im amazed by how detached i am from everything now. i deleted all of my social media on new years so it has been almost 50 days. that included cutting contact with a bunch of "online friends". i havent missed those people or social media at all. now im finally cleaning out the rest of my phone. its mostly just my camera roll, texts and apps. i dont care about any of this. its so freeing. theres nothing to be left behind that i will miss. i wonder why i even have a phone? i dont communicate with anyone. i wake up every morning to zero notifications. if my last and only online friend does text me, i usually ignore it. i cant be bothered to pretend i care about stuff (stuff other than when we talk seriously like about how suicidal we are). i only reply now to make it known im not dead yet lol. im grateful for how all these friendships were in the past and its nothing personal but like everything else, it has just ran its course. i dont believe anyone wanted to remain friends either. i also actually think online friendships were more unhealthy than helpful to my life. last thing i have to do is clean out some stuff in my room and then i should be set for whenever i choose. the only thing i find meaning in is planning on how ill finally ctb. i feel a little heartless but being kind never got me anywhere in a world where cruelty always wins. ctb will be the most independent thing ill ever do in life.

 

[Lucid7972]

I deleted my instagram account more than two years ago, I used to be pretty active and had a few hundreds follow each other, yeah freeing indeed, most of the stuff you see is people traveling, going out or stupid reels...
I can't overcome the survival instinct to ctb by myself, so my hope is VAD, even tho I might need to wait for a few decades to wait for my families to die out or develop some illness to pass VAD hurdles

 

[violetforever]

I deleted my instagram account more than two years ago, I used to be pretty active and had a few hundreds follow each other, yeah freeing indeed, most of the stuff you see is people traveling, going out or stupid reels...

lol the freeing feeling almost makes me want to live for a moment until i remember the reason why technology is so awful is still bc of the humans behind it. no escape from that except ctb.

I can't overcome the survival instinct to ctb by myself, so my hope is VAD, even tho I might need to wait for a few decades to wait for my families to die out or develop some illness to pass VAD hurdles

dont even feel bad about it. i truly hope u get ur wish. if there was any decency in the world, we could all go out peacefully

 

[SASU-KE]

There are a lot of people I like and appreciate on this site.

But I too don't communicate with anyone.Anhedonia has made it difficult to do so.No social media either.


My own life experiences have made me pretty cynical and heartless just like you,j/k.
You know, it's funny, but I actually had a nickname for you earlier . I'll let you know what it is, but you have to promise not to get angry.

 

[RiftbornVeil]

im amazed by how detached i am from everything now. i deleted all of my social media on new years so it has been almost 50 days. that included cutting contact with a bunch of "online friends". i havent missed those people or social media at all. now im finally cleaning out the rest of my phone. its mostly just my camera roll, texts and apps. i dont care about any of this. its so freeing. theres nothing to be left behind that i will miss. i wonder why i even have a phone? i dont communicate with anyone. i wake up every morning to zero notifications. if my last and only online friend does text me, i usually ignore it. i cant be bothered to pretend i care about stuff (stuff other than when we talk seriously like about how suicidal we are). i only reply now to make it known im not dead yet lol. im grateful for how all these friendships were in the past and its nothing personal but like everything else, it has just ran its course. i dont believe anyone wanted to remain friends either. i also actually think online friendships were more unhealthy than helpful to my life. last thing i have to do is clean out some stuff in my room and then i should be set for whenever i choose. the only thing i find meaning in is planning on how ill finally ctb. i feel a little heartless but being kind never got me anywhere in a world where cruelty always wins. ctb will be the most independent thing ill ever do in life.

Oddly enough, there's indeed some sense of liberation with detachment from social media. I deleted Snapchat recently, and now I don't have any other platforms. Before I deleted it, I exported my data and now I have a huge file of pictures; they tell a story, in a way. It's both freeing, and bittersweet.

Did having friendships exhaust your energy? At least in my case, I find it difficult to reply to people promptly. SaSu is a little different however.

 

[violetforever]

My own life experiences have made me pretty cynical and heartless just like you,j/k.

lol c: i admit to being cynical but even on the surface, i know im not heartless sadly. i mean one of the reasons i want to ctb is bc i feel like this is a pretty loveless world and it saddens me so much. thats not very heartless. im more so weak and i dont care, i will give into my weakness.

You know, it's funny, but I actually had a nickname for you earlier . I'll let you know what it is, but you have to promise not to get angry.

what? u can pm me it.

Did having friendships exhaust your energy? At least in my case, I find it difficult to reply to people promptly. SaSu is a little different however.

i kind of spoke about it in this comment (the quote i made to the user SleeplessAndSad): Post in thread 'do you prioritize anonymity online?'
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/do-you-prioritize-anonymity-online.230121/post-3333825
i was basically tired of holding onto declining friendships. we werent close anymore. i think friendships exhaust both me and the other people involved. its exhausting for anyone to put up with me being suicidal. im exhausted when i have to hide it but im also still exhausted when i can be open about it but not fully understood.

i feel the same way about sasu bc we all get each other. we wont hold each other back. friendships can be limiting in that way. i know this is what i want which is why i detached.

 

[RiftbornVeil]

i kind of spoke about it in this comment (the quote i made to the user SleeplessAndSad): Post in thread 'do you prioritize anonymity online?'
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/do-you-prioritize-anonymity-online.230121/post-3333825
i was basically tired of holding onto declining friendships. we werent close anymore. i think friendships exhaust both me and the other people involved. its exhausting for anyone to put up with me being suicidal. im exhausted when i have to hide it but im also still exhausted when i can be open about it but not fully understood.

i feel the same way about sasu bc we all get each other. we wont hold each other back. friendships can be limiting in that way. i know this is what i want which is why i detached.

Hiding it sucks. But being open about it and STILL being misunderstood hurts, I get where you come from.

It's quite beautiful I can share a part of myself here that few know IRL, I am glad we all have each other.

 

[violetforever]

Hiding it sucks. But being open about it and STILL being misunderstood hurts, I get where you come from.

It's quite beautiful I can share a part of myself here that few know IRL, I am glad we all have each other.

me too friendships arent possible for me. im trying to end my life while people are trying to live theirs and make lifelong connections. what we have here on this forum is what is enough for me until i go.

 

[SASU-KE]

lol c: i admit to being cynical but even on the surface, i know im not heartless sadly. i mean one of the reasons i want to ctb is bc i feel like this is a pretty loveless world and it saddens me so much. thats not very heartless. im more so weak and i dont care, i will give into my weakness.

Yeah, I know. Initially I thought you were pretty angry most of the time. Which was why my nickname for you was violentforever

But then as I read more, I realized why you felt like that and I understood.Yeah, you feel pretty strongly about things but you're not that heartless,lol.

 

[violetforever]

Yeah, I know. Initially I thought you were pretty angry most of the time. Which was why my nickname for you was violentforever

lol i love that. i didnt realize i came off as so angry.

But then as I read more, I realized why you felt like that and I understood.Yeah, you feel pretty strongly about things but you're not that heartless,lol.

yeah my anger is just sadness. thanks for reading my posts btw that means a lot.

 

[SASU-KE]

me too friendships arent possible for me. im trying to end my life while people are trying to live theirs and make lifelong connections. what we have here on this forum is what is enough for me until i go.

Same here.I'm afraid of making strong connections here mainly because I don't want to have to grieve anyone.I too am enjoying the general banter and discourse of the forums to keep me going for now

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

trying to reach this level of detachment because whenever I get closer to letting go I can't help but think about the things I'll miss out on

i wake up every morning to zero notifications

relate to this so much even though I still have my socials, used to enjoy posting my art but I fell off lol

i also actually think online friendships were more unhealthy than helpful to my life.

starting to feel the same, haven't talked to my one and only online friend in a while and I hate how dependent I was on them and sort of still am

 

[SASU-KE]

Hiding it sucks. But being open about it and STILL being misunderstood hurts, I get where you come from.

It's quite beautiful I can share a part of myself here that few know IRL, I am glad we all have each other.

The thing is, you can talk about many things with the people here that you can't with the closest people IRL. Pretty funny, no?
When I mildly broach the subject of suicide or depression in real life, I get shooed away like a fly.i get shushed!!!
Like I'm talking about something that's heresy,God forbid.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I've been a loner all my adult life pretty much, unless you count the transient friendships I had in college... but they were very superficial and kind of forced.

Never really got into social media, right from when facebook first started I always thought it was dumb and pointless. So I am already quite detached from society. I am gonna hurt my family though, but I will have to face it anyway. It's hard, but I refuse to be a prisoner here for very much longer.

 

[RiftbornVeil]

The thing is, you can talk about many things with the people here that you can't with the closest people IRL. Pretty funny, no?
When I mildly broach the subject of suicide or depression in real life, I get shooed away like a fly.i get shushed!!!
Like I'm talking about something that's heresy,God forbid.

Very funny indeed.

I very much dislike being that fly in IRL situations. Sometimes it's hard to believe that even in the 21st century mental health is such a taboo subject.

 

[Spite]

I've been pretty detached from society at large for a long time now, but lately I have felt like I am becoming even more detached from it all. I've never been fond of social media and I've never really had much of an online presence (digital footprint) anyways which is something I am mostly okay with. In recent years I have found I am starting to care less. One thing that has bothered me for a long time is this feeling of wanting to be accepted by the masses and wanting to be a part of society, part of the "normal" people in this world. I've always been an outcast and a friendless loser and it's one of my main reasons for wanting to CTB, but recently... I've been wanting to detach from it all - stop giving a shit about it, stop trying to chase dreams that I will never be able to fulfil - and trying to make peace with the fact that I will probably never have any IRL friends and that's just the way it was meant to be. It sucks. It absolutely sucks. But I'm at a point now where I truly believe that detachment is the only way I can minimise my suffering.

I don't want to be a part of this society or this world anymore. It was never meant for me. I want to sit in my room - sit in the dark by myself, and rot in my bed/at my PC and be okay with going days or weeks at a time without any meaningful human contact. I am detaching, and I'm starting to like it.