Story Destiny is a Bitch!(Strange Fail Attempt)

[M1sT]

It was March 8 when I started my regime doses for SN and I was all arranged with everything required including betas too! I had been talking to two members here who were also seeking methods.
I plugged my phone to charge and somehow the motherboard died when I stopped by it after some hours. This was genuinely a fucking disappointment and the phone I used had already some problem and it overheated like hell! I still needed to delete the Google account and everything thing like chats!
By the time I was figuring what to do and took the last dose of the first day, my mom receives another fuck up and was greeted with a shocking news of my uncle who had died of a cardiac arrest next town (very far but close to travel by car). As a person with no feelings, I was genuinely pissed over the fact that all my motivation and dedication was wasted instead of my dead uncle.
I packed everything and drove 120kms to reach there and my mom also decided to stay there for 10-15 days to emotional support her sister!
I was there with a spare keypad phone with no internet on it.
My delusions(Schizophrenia) started overflowing that the government had blown my phone via some technical bullshit and killed my uncle to completely stop my plan.
I always had this government delusion in my head and it made sense to me because I hallucinate and might have seen something the government didn't wanted us to see(maybe hallucinations are reality and we are in a simulation) like lab rats!
I returned 5 days ago and couldn't get the motivation to carry on!
( I have a new phone so I can delete stuff too)
I am low on AE's cause I was already risking it that time with less AE's. I will risk it again cause I am on antipsychotics and those too works like AE's idk maybe it works?

It's so tragic and unbelievable! It's like the whole universe aligned to cause this fuck up so I just don't fucking kill myself!
If there is God, he can suck my dick!

Anyways, sorry for mistakes (grammer) and have a good day! This is also too long so just avoid it if you don't want too!
Also I apologise to those 2 members.

 

[AbusedInnocent]

That's really unfortunate, wish you better luck on your next attempt.

 

[FuneralCry]

I imagine it must be dreadful for your plans not to work out, I understand why you'd feel the way you do. But anyway I hope that you eventually find what you search for, best wishes.

 

[M1sT]

I'm getting paranoid how it all happened on that specific day, my uncle was a chonky motherfucker who did not take his BP Pills and freakin died. I will wait for my siblings to come home in June cause they both study abroad and I don't want to cause any inconveniences while they are studying. While at it, I will also try to get "SodThio" because it's easy to get in my country!
Have a Good Day!

 

[rozeske]

Am sorry it didn't go the way you want it. Try not to stress your self too much about it. Things will happen when they happen. Try to take each day one at a time and see how it all works out. Good luck and i hope you find your peace

 

[M1sT]

That's really unfortunate, wish you better luck on your next attempt.

I imagine it must be dreadful for your plans not to work out, I understand why you'd feel the way you do. But anyway I hope that you eventually find what you search for, best wishes.

Am sorry it didn't go the way you want it. Try not to stress your self too much about it. Things will happen when they happen. Try to take each day one at a time and see how it all works out. Good luck and i hope you find your peace

Thank you for kind words everyone! Trying to keep calm is really hard for me and I lose my temper real quick. Self Harm and smoking is what I rely on and will be till my date of death.
I hope you guys find what you are looking for!
Good Luck!