Desperately suicidal without supply

[exiled]

If I had SN, boy would I have started the regiment by now. I would've been out.

If I had a fool proof method right now, I'd press the button. I've often thought that if I had an out, I may not take it right away.

Whew… I wish that was an option right about now. I'd hit yes in a heartbeat.

I want to kill myself tomorrow.

I probably won't be able to. But I figured I could buy a rope on my lunch break at work and give it a go.

After work.

I'll see my therapist one last time, tell him that with my whole heart - I love him. Give my dog to him with a letter begging him to take care of him.

Peace out, on some tree in the woods, call it quits.

It doesn't always get better. Hope can be a lie.

 

[AkaRed]

Literally can SN just fucking fall into my hands right now im already mentally exhausted at the thought of having to research endlessly but I stfg I will make this work I cant live anymore man

<3

 

[worthIess]

same. i wish it didnt take so much effort and courage. just let me die in my sleep already i deserve it :(

 

[Meteora]

I perfectly know this condition. I don't know how many times I felt this way. That's how I came to the conclusion of having everything ready so I can just end it anytime.

 

[HeavensOpenDoor]

I'll see my therapist one last time, tell him that with my whole heart - I love him. Give my dog to him with a letter begging him to take care of him.

This sounds like a cry for help. If it's not a cry for help, it's a really bad idea because he's just going to commit you to an asylum.

Just give your dog to an animal rescue, or run an online ad saying free dog to a good home with no other explanations. And why see your therapist right before you ctb if it wasn't a cry for help?

 

[Regen]

I feel you. Sometimes life hurts so much!!

My therapist is also really good and warm. She always try to help me from the bottom of her heard. Luckily I can speak about my suicidal thoughts and this forum. I only have to be carefull that she will be sure that I am not danger suicidal at the moment. But speaking to her about that thoughts helps much. I only write this to you because maybe you will try that too, because your therapist seems very nice.

I don't know you, so I don't want to say to you, please don't kill yourself and please try therapy and everything will be fine. That's shit from people who never where at this point in life. I only wrote this because I can feel a little hope and a little will to fight in your words. My suicidal thoughts and my depressions get better in the last year. But it took several (!!) years therapy. And it started with my very motherful therapist. So maybe you have this chance too. But if it hurts to much at the moment and you can't get it any longer, I can really understand...

I wish you deep inner peace and the feeling of being loved. You are not alone with this hurt.

 

[exiled]

This sounds like a cry for help. If it's not a cry for help, it's a really bad idea because he's just going to commit you to an asylum.

Just give your dog to an animal rescue, or run an online ad saying free dog to a good home with no other explanations. And why see your therapist right before you ctb if it wasn't a cry for help?

My therapist is not going to commit me. He's watched my dog before. It's a different dynamic. We've crossed those lines long ago and he would take him. He's my beneficiary on all my bank accounts.

I want to see him one more time because I am really thankful for him. He's never once committed me. I've told him about SaSu. He will try and stop me himself but he won't do anything against my will.

This sounds like a cry for help. If it's not a cry for help, it's a really bad idea because he's just going to commit you to an asylum.

Just give your dog to an animal rescue, or run an online ad saying free dog to a good home with no other explanations. And why see your therapist right before you ctb if it wasn't a cry for help?

Reading your reply also made me realize I can't just give my dog to anyone. He's my heart and soul. And I can't kill my self because I can't do that to him.

I'm so trapped in pain though. It just sucks. Maybe it is a cry for help. But damn it, I need help.

 

[Regen]

I think it's a shame that a cry for help is often viewed in a negative way. You're absolutely right, damn it, you need help at that moment! No one would want to die if they had a good alternative. Your relationship with the therapist is awesome. It's good that you can talk about it like that and he would never do anything against your wishes! Sometimes it would be more difficult for me to heal if the boundaries between my private life were so blurred, even if I thought it was good at first. I can understand that about your dog. I have one too and it keeps me here. It's crazy how deeply dogs can enchant your heart!

 

[LunarLight]

No one would want to die if they had a good alternative.

Well, SaSu anti-natalist crew would say otherwise.

 

[exiled]

I think it's a shame that a cry for help is often viewed in a negative way. You're absolutely right, damn it, you need help at that moment! No one would want to die if they had a good alternative. Your relationship with the therapist is awesome. It's good that you can talk about it like that and he would never do anything against your wishes! Sometimes it would be more difficult for me to heal if the boundaries between my private life were so blurred, even if I thought it was good at first. I can understand that about your dog. I have one too and it keeps me here. It's crazy how deeply dogs can enchant your heart!

Thank you. I don't think a cry for help is a bad thing, even if you are on SaSu. This forum is supposed to be a place for support for those who are suicidal, and resources if one needs them. But it also has a whole section dedicated to recovery, which is a pretty big indicator that this website isn't JUST pro-suicide. It just isn't anti.

 

[theboy]

What do you expect your therapist to tell you?