Unsure and Useless
Dreaming Endlessly, not Wanting to Wake Up
- Feb 7, 2023
- 393
My life isn't going well. There's no hope for me. Blah, blah, blah, all that jazz
There's not really any reliable way to die in the modern day. Yeah, there's SN poisoning, but with how hard it is to get it (to the point where you need to go to the dark web, or so I've heard), you're better off wishing upon a star that the CTB fairy brings it to you. Anything related to strangulations rely on technique and/or location; hanging methods that rely less on technique depend on a sturdy beam to uphold the rope whereas sideways(?) strangulation methods rely on knowing your own specific artery location, weight, and ability to tie a dependable knot. Very simple things in theory, but each introduce a new point of error that can royally fuck your life over if done wrong. Guns can go wrong very quickly and, once again, require precise anatomical and firearm knowledge. Anything else outside of these three are unrealistic to achieve in a normal environment. Really goes to show how many "invisible" restrictions there are on CTB
At this point, I'm desperate enough to just… go outside at night in dangerous areas of the city I'm near. Stupid and reckless? Definitely. But at least then, if I die, I'm dead, and my cause of death isn't outright written off as a suicide, providing my family at least some peace of mind than if I just took my life. I've heard there's a serial killer that operates in my city. Obviously, this can go terribly wrong, and instead of dying, I'm kidnapped and tortured. So, this is just a pipe dream
Next best thing is to go death by cop. I live in America, so already, the cops are more trigger-happy than most. Add the fact that I live in the more "pro-gun" regions of the country, and I'm pretty sure provoking a cop would yield better results. Although, I don't think I visually come off as a threat (short, traits associated with more "harmless" PoC, androgynous-feminine leaning), so this may be out of the picture—theoretically speaking
Obviously, neither of these methods will actually be used since they introduce an uncontrollable source of error: humans. Worst case scenario for the murder one is that I get kidnapped instead, and the kidnapper just does whatever they want that isn't straight up killing me. Worst case scenario for the death by cop situation is that the cops turn me over to a psych ward and I get marked as a "suicide risk", which is practically a social death sentence. With the more traditional CTB methods, more control is given to the individual
I don't know if the culture on here is to explain/justify why posts are made, so I'll just make this clear: this is a vent post, and I have no legitimate intentions to pursue the risky methods detailed within it. I'm just desperate since I most likely ruined my life, and my circumstances have me considering risky behavior so that I can finally CTB
There's not really any reliable way to die in the modern day. Yeah, there's SN poisoning, but with how hard it is to get it (to the point where you need to go to the dark web, or so I've heard), you're better off wishing upon a star that the CTB fairy brings it to you. Anything related to strangulations rely on technique and/or location; hanging methods that rely less on technique depend on a sturdy beam to uphold the rope whereas sideways(?) strangulation methods rely on knowing your own specific artery location, weight, and ability to tie a dependable knot. Very simple things in theory, but each introduce a new point of error that can royally fuck your life over if done wrong. Guns can go wrong very quickly and, once again, require precise anatomical and firearm knowledge. Anything else outside of these three are unrealistic to achieve in a normal environment. Really goes to show how many "invisible" restrictions there are on CTB
At this point, I'm desperate enough to just… go outside at night in dangerous areas of the city I'm near. Stupid and reckless? Definitely. But at least then, if I die, I'm dead, and my cause of death isn't outright written off as a suicide, providing my family at least some peace of mind than if I just took my life. I've heard there's a serial killer that operates in my city. Obviously, this can go terribly wrong, and instead of dying, I'm kidnapped and tortured. So, this is just a pipe dream
Next best thing is to go death by cop. I live in America, so already, the cops are more trigger-happy than most. Add the fact that I live in the more "pro-gun" regions of the country, and I'm pretty sure provoking a cop would yield better results. Although, I don't think I visually come off as a threat (short, traits associated with more "harmless" PoC, androgynous-feminine leaning), so this may be out of the picture—theoretically speaking
Obviously, neither of these methods will actually be used since they introduce an uncontrollable source of error: humans. Worst case scenario for the murder one is that I get kidnapped instead, and the kidnapper just does whatever they want that isn't straight up killing me. Worst case scenario for the death by cop situation is that the cops turn me over to a psych ward and I get marked as a "suicide risk", which is practically a social death sentence. With the more traditional CTB methods, more control is given to the individual
I don't know if the culture on here is to explain/justify why posts are made, so I'll just make this clear: this is a vent post, and I have no legitimate intentions to pursue the risky methods detailed within it. I'm just desperate since I most likely ruined my life, and my circumstances have me considering risky behavior so that I can finally CTB
