D

Deleted member 1465

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Jul 31, 2018
6,914
Here is one of mine:

I remember once...I was walking down the street and saw a dour gentleman approaching me with a very serious expression on his face. As he passed, I really didn't mean to (honest), but I involuntarily let one rip and farted. Oh the look of pure disgust on his already disgruntled face made me almost piss myself laughing. :pfff:
 
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Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
Here is one of mine:

I remember once...I was walking down the street and saw a dour gentleman approaching me with a very serious expression on his face. As he passed, I really didn't mean to (honest), but I involuntarily let one rip and farted. Oh the look of pure disgust on his already disgruntled face made me almost piss myself laughing. :pfff:
Well I've got many of these. But in keeping with your fart one I'll share a fart one too.

I used to live in an apartment downtown that had a bar next to it. My window was on the third floor and right above the outdoor bar patio.

Needless to say we'd often be woken up late at night by drunken college kids. One night In particular the loud drunkards were really pissing me off. So I opened the window and stuck my bare ass out. I'd timed it perfectly because I had to fart and I just let it rip. Needless to say it got real quiet after that :))
 
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aeon

aeon

XIII
Dec 6, 2020
1,358
I see where this is going :haha: I've never farted on anybody...yet

1609535523956
 
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foxdie

Got my ticket
Aug 18, 2020
1,011
I remember this one thing from when I was a kid, it's so dumb but still makes me laugh to this day thinking about it.

I put salt in the sugar container before my mom made her coffee. She then went out to the living room and I was dying in the kitchen. Then I just heard "Very funny [my name]" and I just lost it :pfff:

Doesn't all have to be about farts :wink:
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

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Jul 31, 2018
6,914
I remember this one thing from when I was a kid, it's so dumb but still makes me laugh to this day thinking about it.

I put salt in the sugar container before my mom made her coffee. She then went out to the living room and I was dying in the kitchen. Then I just heard "Very funny [my name]" and I just lost it :pfff:

Doesn't all have to be about farts :wink:
We used to unscrew the salt cruets at school so someone would get a bowl full of salt.:pfff:
 
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foxdie

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Aug 18, 2020
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D

Deleted member 1465

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Jul 31, 2018
6,914
I once dropped my popcorn on the floor in the backseat of the car on the way back from the cinema. I scooped it all up and put it back in the bucket. Then my flatmate got in the car, so I offered him the popcorn. He really enjoyed it but said it tasted funny, a bit too crunchy...and what were all these hairs doing in it? :pfff:
 
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Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
We used to unscrew the salt cruets at school so someone would get a bowl full of salt.:pfff:
Classic one but still good.

There's a special star number that you can dial and hangup. Then your own phone number calls itself. If someone picks up they just got a silent line. I used to use that trick to pester my parents back in the days of landline phones.

I'm hesitant to share too many or "the good ones." I was a prick in my younger days lol.
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

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Jul 31, 2018
6,914
Classic one but still good.

There's a special star number that you can dial and hangup. Then your own phone number calls itself. If someone picks up they just got a silent line. I used to use that trick to pester my parents back in the days of landline phones.

I'm hesitant to share too many or "the good ones." I was a prick in my younger days lol.
We did that on the old phone outside the staffroom at college so it rang and rang and they had to come out and answer it.

Edit: I remember once at work, one of my colleagues wanted to get the attention of some chap over the other side of the office but he couldn't remember his name, so he asked me. I told him that his name was Dick.
"Dick!" he shouted, "Dick! Dick! Di..., oh you bastard!
 
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Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,017
When I was a teenager my best friend dared me to walk up to policeman and tell him " why don't you wear cute shots like your partner you would like so nice!". I was high so I did it. He didn't say anything so I ran to my friend while she laughed. Came back like hour later and he was wearing the cute cop shots. We were both shocked he actually did it. She cheered at him I was embarrassed since I was less high lol
 
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Sensei

Sensei

剣道家
Nov 4, 2019
6,336
We went to a festival by car and every one except the driver was absolutely pissed, in the British sense of the word. Someone got the bright idea that we should moon all cars we overtook and we probably mooned a dozen or more. Then the bloody car broke down and when we stood by the roadside every car we had mooned passed by.
 
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foxdie

Got my ticket
Aug 18, 2020
1,011
Classic one but still good.

There's a special star number that you can dial and hangup. Then your own phone number calls itself. If someone picks up they just got a silent line. I used to use that trick to pester my parents back in the days of landline phones.

I'm hesitant to share too many or "the good ones." I was a prick in my younger days lol.

We all remember landlines right? One time we made a prank call asking for Seymour Butts. They actually transfered us through and we panicked and hung up :pfff:
 
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Deleted member 1465

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Jul 31, 2018
6,914
We all remember landlines right? One time we made a prank call asking for Seymour Butts. They actually transfered us through and we panicked and hung up :pfff:
We actually had someone who wrote to us frequently called (and I kid you not)... Hugh Janus.

And once while drunk, my Northern Irish flatmate tried to call The Vatican to speak to the pope. He got through too, but couldn't refrain from over using the word fuck, it must have been very confusing for them on the other end of the line "No, the fucking Pope!"
We went to a festival by car and every one except the driver was absolutely pissed, in the British sense of the word. Someone got the bright idea that we should moon all cars we overtook and we probably mooned a dozen or more. Then the bloody car broke down and when we stood by the roadside every car we had mooned passed by.
Oh how the universe mocks :sunglasses:
 
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Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
We all remember landlines right? One time we made a prank call asking for Seymour Butts. They actually transfered us through and we panicked and hung up :pfff:
Poor bastard to have a name like that. Another good landline one. Pickup the phone and hang it up real quick right after someone logged onto the old dialup internet lol.
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

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Jul 31, 2018
6,914
Poor bastard to have a name like that. Another good landline one. Pickup the phone and hang it up real quick right after someone logged onto the old dialup internet lol.
I still have the old family rotary phone. It makes a lovely ringing noise. Unfortunately I don't connect it because the only people that call are scammers.
 
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Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
I still have the old family rotary phone. It makes a lovely ringing noise. Unfortunately I don't connect it because the only people that call are scammers.
Those are pretty cool and I always wanted one. But landlines are only really used in businesses now and I heard they're alot more expensive than they used to be.
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

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Jul 31, 2018
6,914
Ha! I have another one :pfff:
Long ago on a university excavation, myself and one of my compadres were given the task of being in charge of the construction/deconstruction/movement of the photographic scaffolding tower. Our site manager was a bit on the porky side, so each time we set it up, we made sure the struts on either side of the ladder to the top bit were just a little bit closer together. When questioned, we responded that no, no, it needs to be like that for health and safety concerns, maybe you are putting on weight?
That was probably a bit mean, looking back, but hey.
 
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justsad&done

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Nov 11, 2020
2,804
Classic one but still good.

There's a special star number that you can dial and hangup. Then your own phone number calls itself. If someone picks up they just got a silent line. I used to use that trick to pester my parents back in the days of landline phones.

I'm hesitant to share too many or "the good ones." I was a prick in my younger days lol.
Ahhh...please share some of the "good ones" - I need a reason to laugh.

Thanks for this thread @Underscore. Something light to start the New Year.

When I was in high school. I worked in a bowling alley. Friday nights were Disco Night. Complete with the Jackson 5 on the stereo, strobe lights, disco ball...So one Friday, I invited then boy friend to come hang out with me at work. Since I was friends with the "bartender" of the snack bar, we got some beers and went down to the break room to hang out. We lost track of time...and when we emerged from the break room everyone was gone, the bowling alley was closed for the night and we were some how locked in. I had to call the manager to come let us out. Which wasn't the bad part. We then had no ride home. (before cell phones) So we thumbed a ride. And my high school French teacher happened to pick us up.
 
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Mentalmick

Mentalmick

IMHOTEP!!!
Nov 30, 2020
2,050
I once pretented to do a quickdraw in to a mirror with a air pistol. Bastard was loaded and shot myself in my calf.
 
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Fehler

Fehler

...
Oct 12, 2020
455
As amusing events...:
When I was 15 years old I started playing Airsoft, as in my group we were all minors, we went to the mountains to play it. Some of my companions were setting up watchtowers and sandbags in what ended up being private property (it was not marked as well that everything was "undergrowth"). In the middle of one of the games, 2 police cars parked very close to us.
I and a few of us saw them and started to warn the others on the walkies. The fool of the group began to shout like crazy "The police! The police!...". These, who by then had not seen us, began to run and we obviously did the same xd. We grabbed our things and got into the woods as fast as possible. We stayed hidden in bushes until they got tired and left.

Another anecdote that I never forget was a party outing with the group. A friend's bicycle was stolen and the police were called. I was with others smoking joints when I saw that some were talking to 2 men. I approached and from the conversation they were having, they were policemen (incognito) who were already in the area (a typical night spot for places where there are always problems). One of them stared at me but didn't say anything about it, what's more, they told us where the thieves were probably and threw us a hint so that we could give them their "deserved", they literally said "You have 5 minutes to talk to them before let us come. " In the end, the bike appeared but there was no rowfight.(Since then I have not smoked outside the home xd).

As a stupid event as a child...: In elementary school (when I was 8 years old) I discovered blue cheese and brought a decent piece in a taper. At free time, when no one was there, I put it behind the blackboard (there was a new blackboard hanging overhead in front of the old one, but clinging to it, both were very large and heavy). The cheese was completely crushed and held between the 2 slices. I quickly went to wash my hands. After that, I really regretted it because it took more than 1 week to find out where the smell came from, besides that it was winter and we couldn't have the windows open so the class was well scented during all that time.
 
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NodusTollens

NodusTollens

Nov 17, 2020
989
Once tried to get an ex back for continually farting on me...

Both, my bf at the time & I were sitting on our L shaped couch, & I could feel a fart coming, so I decided to quickly get up & stand on the couch behind him with my butt faces his neck (he was leaning forward off the front of the couch). I managed to let it off just in time & started to make my getaway.

I went to jump over the arm & off the couch, but the sound of the fart startled him, so he shifted his weight to look at me. He shifted the cushions just enough that when I went to jump off the
couch, my foot got caught on the arm & I landed on my face.


fall falling GIF
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
20,719
I once had a public tantrum at a GameStop for closing right when I went there to go pick up a game. I banged on the door screaming and mall security had to get me to calm down. What's embarrassing about this is that I was 15, not young enough to be acting like that lol.
 
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Isadeth

Isadeth

Visionary
Jun 12, 2020
2,538
I was detained by the secret service on the day I was supposed to get my license. :ahhha: I was 16 and terrified.
 
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MindFrog

MindFrog

:Professional Hypocrite:
Nov 19, 2020
723
When I was younger, Its really hard to identify between literal commands and sarcasm/sayings. I took everything literally.

I had a bully problem at school, but my mother will say "If someone throws a stone at you, throw a loaf of bread to him.". Something about returning a bad action with kindness.

And so I had sandwich for lunch....
And that kid was throwing pebbles at me.

I thought "Great, I can throw this as him!" but then I realize I wont have anything to eat after that. I begrudging threw it. He cried but I didnt know why. I t was soft bread. I was being "kind" to him.

And so we got called by the principal. I got scolded and was lunch less. But my mom had a good laugh.
 
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Good4Nothing

Good4Nothing

Unlovable
May 8, 2020
1,865
About 10 years ago I was working at one of those crappy dollar stores. It was just myself and a girl I got along with really well. It was almost closing time and we were doing recovery. I found a single slipper on the floor, so I held it up to my ear and walked towards her, saying "yah, she's here. Hold on a sec". I held the slipper out to her and said "It's for you". She took it and put it up to her ear and said "hello?", then realized it was a slipper.
The look of embarrassment and trying to be mad while trying not to laugh was priceless. Then she called me retarded and I called her stupid.

In elementary school, at lunch time, me and my buds always sat at a table across from our "girlfriends". One day one of my pals had a thermos of beef stew, and he spontaneously decided to gross the girls out by pouring it out on the table in such a way that it looked like he barfed. The girls freaked out. Then, without missing a beat, me and the other guys picked up our forks and started eating it. Absolute chaos ensued. There was screaming and running and falling down - the whole cafeteria went bonkers. It was great.
 
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G

Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,017
Another time as a teen my same best friend and I went to a Fredrick's of Hollywood store and picked out a few thongs. We were both mid teen virgins that wanted to feel like big girls. At check out we were both telling each other how much our bf would like them, and the cashier stared at us for a sec and went "you do realize these are men's thongs right?". We both got so embarrassed and ran out giggling since we didn't realize that was a thing. It still makes me laugh how cringe we were.
 
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Isadeth

Isadeth

Visionary
Jun 12, 2020
2,538
When I was about six, I listened to my father and tried to catch a blunt tipped arrow he shot into the air. It came down and sliced the side of my face--- thankfully didn't scar... I'm lucky I didn't lose an eye... that risk came two years later :ahhha: but I still didn't learn my lesson and ended up getting injured plenty of more times from being too blonde to know better lol
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
20,719
When I was in elementary school maybe like 9 or 10 I learned what a spit take was. Eventually I conditioned myself to be able to forcefully eject anything out of my mouth if there was anything in it while I was laughing. It started to get out of hand and beyond my control to the point where I was starting to spit take even when I heard something mildly shocking while drinking something. It took me another few years to break out of the habit.
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

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Jul 31, 2018
6,914
Brilliant stories! I'll try and think of some more myself later :smiling:
 
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