Derealization and depersonalization: Nothing feels real

[alexithymia]

I feel so disconnected from the physical world around me—it's like life is a strange, surreal dream. I can't connect to any activities that require using my hands and I just "shut off" when on the spot, even if that means just speaking to someone in conversation. I feel like I'm just a strange entity taking up space. I've felt like this for ten years. I can't see it stopping anytime soon.

Does anyone feel similarly? I feel alone.

 

[inthespines]

I used to feel like that when I had been isolated for longer periods. Like People around me were putting on a show and I was the only one not in on it. Felt as if everyone was acting weird and as if there was something wrong with me that they could see.

Does that sound familiar or are you experiencing something different?

 

[alexithymia]

I used to feel like that when I had been isolated for longer periods. Like People around me were putting on a show and I was the only one not in on it. Felt as if everyone was acting weird and as if there was something wrong with me that they could see.

Does that sound familiar or are you experiencing something different?

That's exactly what I experience. It's interesting you say that it occurred after you've been isolated for longer periods because in my case, the symptoms began after my first bout of agoraphobia. Whenever I went outside I felt like a troll emerging from the shadows of my lair. Yes, it feels like everyone else has a script and I'm the only one without one.

 

[Darkhaven]

I feel like an alien among people.
I can't relate to anyone and i can't get myself to like another human being.
I used feel okay about myself, sure always a sad and forever alone outsider but i felt good on my body.
Nowadays i don't even have that anymore. I hate myself and my body almost as much as i hate other people.
And on top of that i'm becoming an extremely toxic person to be around.
Not so much on the outside like on college or work, but rather at home.
Let's just say that the mood and environment is heavy and deep and sullen mainly because of me.
I have my reasons though.

 

[alexithymia]

I feel like an alien among people.
I can't relate to anyone and i can't get myself to like another human being.
I used feel okay about myself, sure always a sad and forever alone outsider but i felt good on my body.
Nowadays i don't even have that anymore. I hate myself and my body almost as much as i hate other people.
And on top of that i'm becoming an extremely toxic person to be around.
Not so much on the outside like on college or work, but rather at home.
Let's just say that the mood and environment is heavy and deep and sullen mainly because of me.
I have my reasons though.

I understand feeling like an alien as well. I wonder what changed for you that made you hate yourself as much as other people. For me, I hated myself first.

 

[Darkhaven]

I understand feeling like an alien as well. I wonder what changed for you that made you hate yourself as much as other people. For me, I hated myself first.

I got diagnosed with a neurological disease at a very young age.
And while it's still very mild i can't come to terms with it and i can't cope with the psychological pain caused by knowing that i have this damned disease.
I hate this body because of it. If it weren't for my cowardice i would destroy this body piece by piece just to make it pay for having failed me, if that makes any sense.

 

[Lethe]

These posts all ring true to me. I dissociate whenever I have to leave the house, as a coping mechanism. I feel like a monster or god amongst humans, but they don't realize.

 

[Darkhaven]

These posts all ring true to me. I dissociate whenever I have to leave the house, as a coping mechanism. I feel like a monster or god amongst humans, but they don't realize.

I used to feel great about being different when i was a kid. I liked to think of myself as some kind of a superior human being that " doesn't need human companionship to thrive and be happy".
As the early teen years passed and i started to reach the last of my teen's i soon realised that i actually i was the one going in the wrong way.
The common rule is for people to socialize and the exception is to go through life alone.
I progressively became more of such an exception.
Currently i would say i'm 100% alone, except for one family member.

 

[Life sucks]

Yea I'm disassociated specially when my brain is turned off. Also when ask myself what the fuck is this meaningless life.

 

[Lethe]

I used to feel great about being different when i was a kid. I liked to think of myself as some kind of a superior human being that " doesn't need human companionship to thrive and be happy".
As the early teen years passed and i started to reach the last of my teen's i soon realised that i actually i was the one going in the wrong way.
The common rule is for people to socialize and the exception is to go through life alone.
I progressively became more of such an exception.
Currently i would say i'm 100% alone, except for one family member.

I still consider myself a superior human being. I'm a freethinker, and the smartest person in the room 90% of the time. I run mental laps around people, genuinely. I never felt like I belong here, people are so vapid and uninteresting. I've rarely met one I had any interest in talking to.

 

[peacefully31425]

There are moments where it feels like a fog has lifted, and I have a moment of clarity. It feels as if I'm capable of seeing how fucked up my life has been for a short while. Most of the time though, life doesn't feel real.