Venting Depressive episodes suck

[ThatStateOfMind]

I got a new job, and I kinda like it while also simultaneously hating it, and I think it might have been what caused this episode. It could be a humber of things though, I've had these for no reason so at least this way, I get money while also having the depressive episodes I might otherwise have anyways. I don't know why I feel this way, I mean I should feel good. We got off today because of bad weather but I don't. I feel like shit. I got embarrassed yesterday too. I couldn't lift the same as everyone else and felt excluded as a result. We had to lift railroad ties, not sure how much they weighed but I couldn't lift them, even with the help of someone else. The only benefit is I only have to endure this for about 7 more weeks, I'm considering having my last day on July 13th, I have a trip between July 15-19, and then I can just gear up for the next semester at my college. Just 7 more weeks.

As I mentioned, I have these episodes for no reason anyways, it fucking sucks. It's wild to me that this is all just a chemical imbalance in my brain. My brain could make the right chemicals but just doesn't. I dont know, I just wanted to rant a little, I'm not even seeking help, just wanted this off my chest, I feel like im suffocating here

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Yeah, depression is very painful and I hear you on the frustration you feel at the seeming lack of control over your own moods.

Hopefully you'll get stronger if you continue to lift stuff at work as well private workouts. Feeling like an outlier especially among a bunch of guys can really psychologically painful.

I hope this job gets better. The money will come in useful.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Yeah, depression is very painful and I hear you on the frustration you feel at the seeming lack of control over your own moods.

Hopefully you'll get stronger if you continue to lift stuff at work as well private workouts. Feeling like an outlier especially among a bunch of guys can really psychologically painful.

I hope this job gets better. The money will come in useful.

Yeah it's extremely painful currently, especially since it's so sudden. I don't even have the energy for working out outside of work tbh. I'm sore and tired after work.

I don't know, I also hope it gets better so it's more tolerable for me at the very least

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Yeah it's extremely painful currently, especially since it's so sudden. I don't even have the energy for working out outside of work tbh. I'm sore and tired after work.

I don't know, I also hope it gets better so it's more tolerable for me at the very least

Luckily you have a potentially dazzling career ahead of you where you don't have to lift literal boats.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Luckily you have a potentially dazzling career ahead of you where you don't have to lift literal boats.

Yeah, that's the hope I currently hold on to lol.I know a lot of people dread office jobs but even before this, I know I'd enjoy one more than labor. I don't think the bosses like me because I'm not physically very capable. I have no basis for this other than that I'm only schedule for the weekend next week, not even on Memorial Day, I don't think.