Discussion Depressed and desperate mother

[tsukinory]

Is it bad for a mother to try and suicide?

 

[bankai]

In my opinion, it's wrong for any parent to want to suicide. Before having any child, you have to consider several bullet points. Can you financially support that child? Can you be there and take care of that child? Send them to a good school and support them emotionally. Can you bite down on all your emotions and consider the well-being of the child first? You brought them into this world. They didn't ask to be here. If you cannot consider all these things and more, don't have a child.

So a mother is a person who has had a child. So it's too late to consider suicide. Is it bad? It's worse than bad. I'd give a piece of my mind to any parent who considers suicide, but I know there are some parents here who do consider it. Out of respect, I will just hold my tongue. But. It's not acceptable.

However, if the child becomes independent, finishes their studies, gets a good job, then I think at some point the parent can consider.Doing it when your child is dependent on you. It's just scummy.

 

[needwaytohell]

I would feel bad for the child whose suffering but it's a really personal decision.

 

[tsukinory]

What if the mother is convinced the child would have a better future than growing up with an emotional unstable and suffering person. Maybe it's for the best

 

[LastNite]

I dont think anyone can say in all honesty. Mothers like you go through a lot of stuff in their life. From giving birth to raising kids and doing everything for them. Some moms have to work multiple jobs to provide. It's really brutal. I don't blame you but you should try to get help before you decide.

If nothing works out for you in the end I'd wait until whatever kid I have to grow old enough to be able to handle the fact that his or her mother committed.
For a young kid growing up without a mom and having to see her kill herself will have long term effects on them. Some of which include suicide and suicidal thoughts.

 

[tsukinory]

He won't remember I existed. He is 1

 

[LastNite]

He won't remember I existed. He is 1

Sorry but I still think it's a bad idea. If you're married the kid will have to be raised by his father which will almost be nonexistent because he has to work to provide. The kid will grow without a father or a mother figure. That can end up badly. On the other hand if you're not married the kid will be given to foster care which is worse than giving your kid to a drug addict. The amount of abuse and stories that come out of the foster care system is insane.

 

[Dot]

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[tsukinory]

In my opinion, it's wrong for any parent to want to suicide. Before having any child, you have to consider several bullet points. Can you financially support that child? Can you be there and take care of that child? Send them to a good school and support them emotionally. Can you bite down on all your emotions and consider the well-being of the child first? You brought them into this world. They didn't ask to be here. If you cannot consider all these things and more, don't have a child.

So a mother is a person who has had a child. So it's too late to consider suicide. Is it bad? It's worse than bad. I'd give a piece of my mind to any parent who considers suicide, but I know there are some parents here who do consider it. Out of respect, I will just hold my tongue. But. It's not acceptable.

However, if the child becomes independent, finishes their studies, gets a good job, then I think at some point the parent can consider.Doing it when your child is dependent on you. It's just scummy.

You know people like you push me closer to the edge every day. This square minded single sided way of judgement and targeted anger. I had reproduced yes fully aware of my responsibilities and I am also actively raising and providing alone as the other member mentioned. And the weight of it is crushing me. Not financial. Emotional. There's been life-changing events that I can't push the fuck down in order to be a stable parent. And sure the child is happy and healthy but that doesnt diminish my suicidal thoughts or the fact that Ive impulsively been testing my limits before actually going through it. Instead of adding more guilt to my overloaded overburdened exhausted overstreched and destroyed mental health. Think of this a cry for fucking help and step aside and let someone kinder understand. I have convinced myself they are all better off without on the long run I ruin their life. I never heal and I drag them with me. Before you judge know Im already my own hardest critic how can someone who hates themselves to the core. And wishes to die raise a human life????

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I've been off and on antidepressants they affect my ability to work and provide so I quit them quick after I start them. It's worse everytime. To rebound and rebuild. Im just tires I want to rest. Forever.

 

[bankai]

You know people like you push me closer to the edge every day. This square minded single sided way of judgement and targeted anger. I had reproduced yes fully aware of my responsibilities and I am also actively raising and providing alone as the other member mentioned. And the weight of it is crushing me. Not financial. Emotional. There's been life-changing events that I can't push the fuck down in order to be a stable parent. And sure the child is happy and healthy but that doesnt diminish my suicidal thoughts or the fact that Ive impulsively been testing my limits before actually going through it. Instead of adding more guilt to my overloaded overburdened exhausted overstreched and destroyed mental health. Think of this a cry for fucking help and step aside and let someone kinder understand. I have convinced myself they are all better off without on the long run I ruin their life. I never heal and I drag them with me. Before you judge know Im already my own hardest critic how can someone who hates themselves to the core. And wishes to die raise a human life????

Fine,I'm sorry.i didn't mean to hurt you.I have a strong opinion on this Because my own father was not really fit to be one and i just wish he had not had kids.

I'm really sorry.but please try your best for your kid.let me know if you want me to delete my post.

 

[tsukinory]

Fine,I'm sorry.i didn't mean to hurt you.I have a strong opinion on this Because my own father was not really fit to be one and i just wish he had not had kids.

I'm really sorry.but please try your best for your kid.let me know if you want me to delete my post.

You know Ive been trying since he was two months old he'll be two years soon. Every time I feel like Im losing control I run to the hospital and ask for help. But truth is no matter how I reshape my world how I gather new strength and start over something inside me impulsively reaches for it. Maybe postpartum depression turned into severe one. Maybe I was suffering my whole life and giving birth made me realise I dont deserve to live. Im so tired Im tired. If I were completely sure of his future and know he will be happy and strong individual despite having that one smudge of a mother in his past he doesnt even remember Id do it now. Im not afraid of pain i can make it look like a car crash and they'll all say it wasa horrible accident so nobody's embarrassed by me. I was on five antidepressants and being dizzy in and put of delirium and I still got up and fed him and changed him every two hours. And my own mother said what kind of mother are you? How can you call yourself a mother? Look at you. She's right I dont deserve this angel I dont deserve this life. I want it to end

 

[bankai]

You know Ive been trying since he was two months old he'll be two years soon. Every time I feel like Im losing control I run to the hospital and ask for help. But truth is no matter how I reshape my world how I gather new strength and start over something inside me impulsively reaches for it. Maybe postpartum depression turned into severe one. Maybe I was suffering my whole life and giving birth made me realise I dont deserve to live. Im so tired Im tired. If I were completely sure of his future and know he will be happy and strong individual despite having that one smudge of a mother in his past he doesnt even remember Id do it now. Im not afraid of pain i can make it look like a car crash and they'll all say it wasa horrible accident so nobody's embarrassed by me. I was on five antidepressants and being dizzy in and put of delirium and I still got up and fed him and changed him every two hours. And my own mother said what kind of mother are you? How can you call yourself a mother? Look at you. She's right I dont deserve this angel I dont deserve this life. I want it to end

The problem is children without their parents suffer terribly. That's just the statistics. Horrible things happen to them.That's why you need to see him through.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Im not afraid of pain i can make it look like a car crash and they'll all say it wasa horrible accident so nobody's embarrassed by me.

This is a lot harder to do than you would think.

You said you've been on antidepressants before, but have you been to a therapist? Have you told a doctor how bad this has gotten? Usually, I wouldn't recommend doing that since they might put you in a psych unit, but there's a baby involved in this situation.

 

[tsukinory]

This is a lot harder to do than you would think.

You said you've been on antidepressants before, but have you been to a therapist? Have you told a doctor how bad this has gotten? Usually, I wouldn't recommend doing that since they might put you in a psych unit, but there's a baby involved in this situation.

I haven't completely opened. Once they wanted to keep me hospitalised and saw how nervous I got that they changed their mind. I think if I give them the reason to seperate me and institutionalise me then they'll take out the reason why Im still here. If Im separated there's nothing stoping me.

 

[bob55]

A mother is also a human being, we don't know what shes going through, and for a mother to be suicidal means she really can't bear whatever is happening with her, no1 can judge, im sure shes taking it much harder on herself. However the fact that the child is so small means that you need to get professional help as well as family help.

if that does not work out, then you need to find a way to secure the future of your child before you tend to yourself. alot of people in these situations have their parents or other family members take care of the child while the parent gets their life in order. Its hard, but you need to try to gather up all your strength so that you can make these decisions with a clear mind.

I hope you have parents or siblings or some close relative who you can go to who can guide you, you have too much on your shoulders at the moment, you need to speak to someone before it becomes too much for you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I always find this so hard to answer because, I lost my Mum when I was 3 (to cancer.) Honestly, it's impacted my whole life. In some ways, I would have prefered to have at least known her before she died. It's hard growing up with no reference point for your own feelings and behaviour.

I'm not so convinced it is 'easier' to lose parents when we are young. You end up wishing you just had something to remember. Like, you miss them but, there's no strong focus for it. It's kind of hard to even grieve when there's nothing solid to grieve about. Not meaning to guilt trip you here. That's just my own experience.

Do you know who would take care of your child if you went? My Grandma and Grandpa initially raised me before my Grandpa died a year later. My Dad was around but wanted to keep working. I was lucky in that my Grandma was very loving and supportive. My Dad remarried when I was 10 and ages 10 to 18 were the worst of my life.

So, it's just so tricky really. Your child could be lucky and end up in a supportive environment but then, they may also get passed around into more challeging environments. It's almost impossible to know their future.

I do feel so bad for parents who struggle. I'm sure it's so difficult to really know what to do for the best. I would agree with other people though. I feel like you deserve a lot more support than you're getting. I would hope that there was more help available out there. Surely, our societies don't want parents killing themselves. I so hope you can get more help.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I haven't completely opened. Once they wanted to keep me hospitalised and saw how nervous I got that they changed their mind. I think if I give them the reason to seperate me and institutionalise me then they'll take out the reason why Im still here. If Im separated there's nothing stoping me.

I can understand that, but if it were me, I'd want to try everything I could to get better before I abandoned my kid. I don't mean that in a judgmental way, I know depression can cloud rational thinking.

 

[GlassMoon]

What if the mother is convinced the child would have a better future than growing up with an emotional unstable and suffering person. Maybe it's for the best

I'm a parent, too. About a year ago, I felt the same way. That my children would be better off without me, who is unable to provide sufficient emotional, material and financial support to them. I was hoping that some government agency would take them away from me - both because I was exhausted but also because I felt my love for them deeply, and wanted them to have a better life. It's the worst feeling I've ever gone through. I'm sorry you're feeling this way now.

My mental health professionals have told me, like others have said in this thread, that it's apparently still better for a child to have their real parent unless one is actively hurting the child very badly. I try to keep this in mind, but it's not easy. When they rely on me for emotional support, or when I see them smile, I'm reminded of it. When they're not in the room, I have to push myself hard to remember it. I guess that's just how depression works, unfortunately.

I hope you can find a way to stay with them and I hope that my post helps you feel that you are not alone with these conflicting feelings.

 

[byebyeblondie]

You are only human, please be kinder to yourself . I often avoid making posts about this because some people are very opinionated about parents ctb.

I can strongly relate to the guilt and overwhelming feeling of wanting to ctb but having kids. Even when I've spoken to mental health teams about my feelings, it's the first thing they say 'your kids would miss you'. I also relate to feeling like they're better off without me.

You said your little one is 1 years old - it could be that your thoughts of ctb are exasperated by being in the perinatal period. You can have post natal depression from birth till 2 years old. I'm not sure where you're based but in the UK they have a perinatal mental health team and (in my experience) they are amazing. They also have mother and baby units where you can be hospitalised but stay with your baby. Perhaps this is something you could look into?

I do think you should be open about how you feel. They might be able to offer you more support. Sometimes that can help to push through the darker days.

I really am so sorry you're feeling this way. You might not see it or feel it but the fact you're still here and trying for your little one, means you are stronger than you think .

 

[alwaysalone]

I'm a parent. I'm also a human with my own emotions, issues and personality and I'm a realist. Children lose parents every day. Some are fine some have issues. Like anything else it has more to do with their (the children's) personality and mental make up than anything else. I hope if you choose to commit suicide you can make it look like an accident. I hope you can find a way to keep trying. I am sure that no one else will love your child as much as you do.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

This is complicated. The regular framework of things falls apart when convinced that the child would be better off. I'm a husband and father, kids are grown but still need some support. On one hand, even a depressed basically worthless dad was better for them than none. But my wife could have remarried, for a better man. Just yesterday while going for a walk with my adult daughter I realized she really would be better off without me. It shifts back and forth in my mind but steadily in one direction. The "normal" part of me wants to say your child needs you, your feelings are normal at this stage, it will be a long painful road but you can do it. But part of me totally understands what you're saying. I don't have a coherent response to this. Just sympathy.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

You won't get any judgment out of me, but I would hope that before you ctb that you have a solid plan in place for the absolute best care for your child after you're gone.

 

[Kbeau]

He won't remember I existed. He is 1

Would the dad care for the child? Do you feel good about how the child would be cared for? My father caught the bus when I was 7. I got over it. At 1, there's nothing for the child to get over.

 

[diopdawe]

I am a father myself and my daughter is also 1 year old. When we were planning the baby with my wife, everything was perfect in my life. Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, my depression started and I have had suicidal thougths ever since. All I do every day is suffer but still try to push through because of my daughter. I still have CTB thoughts every single day and I feel ashamed because of them. I am now only living because of my daughter but how long can I keep doing that? It is increadibly hard and I also believe that when she's growing up she shouldn't see a father suffering. If I ctb, my wife will surely have someone new in her life and I believe that would be better for my daughter too, to have someone in her life who is stable. I don't know what to do...