Deciding not to do it (yet)

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Decided to not go through with it today due to life looking up somewhat but that doesn't mean I'll be completely abandoning my rope and plans, I've just decided to play along and see what happens next. If my second first job ends up being as horrendous as my actual first job, I may just give in and actually do it but will have to see first. In case you haven't stumbled across my way earlier posts about my previous job, I was basically just constantly made to feel incompetent and kept being stuck doing "newbie" tasks (e.g. checking dining areas and bin run and always being swapped with someone else whenever I'd try to do something else) despite being very much competent in other kitchen tasks. Some of my coworkers were also just quite snarky and mean towards me unprompted and would laugh about me in a foreign language whenever I'd make a slight mistake (I only know English and little French, and this was absolutely not in English or French). Overall, the environment was hostile and uncomfortable and I tried reporting this but since I'm not the best at expressing myself, one of the managers acted like I was just trying to disrupt a supposedly peaceful environment and just didn't want to work so yeah uhhhhh. I completely lack the ability to deal with conflict and instead just shutdown and I'm not sure I ever will (part of why I'd like to CTB because it gets less "cute" and more concerning/embarrassing as one ages). But for now, I'll just wait. Give me a repetitive task and I'll happily do it for a zillion years straight (no matter how physically taxing) but I just want people to be either nice or just neutral towards me, like is that so hard? But yeah to circle back to the title somewhat, I'll still post on SaSu since I do still have pretty strong opinions on the mental health system, pro-lifers and my existence. If life gets shit again, I'll probably update you guys who knows

 

[Innereye]

More than fair! Glad you didnt force yourself. I feel the work environment shittery, my executive function is atrocious and ive always been given hell for it. It always felt as if I was trying 10 times harder than those around me to accomplish half the result... I hope you can settle into something you're more comfortable doing!

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

More than fair! Glad you didnt force yourself. I feel the work environment shittery, my executive function is atrocious and ive always been given hell for it. It always felt as if I was trying 10 times harder than those around me to accomplish half the result... I hope you can settle into something you're more comfortable doing!

Yeah I can relate kinda. Once I learn a task, I'm very efficient at doing it but I do have trouble if there is some change to how things are conducted and honestly suck at adapting to these things. It can also be hard to process instructions if they're not super clear either

 

[Innereye]

Yeah I can relate kinda. Once I learn a task, I'm very efficient at doing it but I do have trouble if there is some change to how things are conducted and honestly suck at adapting to these things. It can also be hard to process instructions if they're not super clear either

Haha exactly me, ive had times where I starting doing something "my way" because it seemed more efficient and was forced and warped to do things the way everyone else was, then the month after the new policy was the way I was doing it in the first place

 

[avaruus]

It's good that you at least try.
Then, if you still decide to do it after all, at least you can say to yourself with a clear conscience that you gave life a fair chance, but life didn't return the favor.
Whichever way you end up taking, I hope you find peace :)