Venting Decided not to…again

[cyanlove]

I keep buying and wasting SN. I think I'm just afraid of messing it up. I wish I made more than $10/hr with part time hours to be able to afford Nembutal.

SN kinda scares me because I absolutely hate throwing up.

 

[Judah]

I wish I could get N too but in the poor country I live in it's quite difficult so I'll use SN, my saving skills are lousy

 

[LostAllHope88]

There's no shame in being too afraid to go through with it right now. CTB is something you can't take back, and not a decision to be taken lightly. At least it isn't the price of N!

In my case I really have no choice except CTB, so even though I'm scared, I just have to remind myself that living is actually worse. I guess it's just easier to do it when you legitimately have no other options to continue with life. If you have reasons to keep living, embrace those for now and enjoy what time you have.

Life is horribly ugly, but it can definitely have its beautiful moments. I'm grateful for those.

 

[allthebrightplaces]

I keep buying and wasting SN. I think I'm just afraid of messing it up. I wish I made more than $10/hr with part time hours to be able to afford Nembutal.

SN kinda scares me because I absolutely hate throwing up.

what is sn?

 

[Depressed Cat]

what is sn?

Sodium nitrite

 

[Somber]

Why did you choose a motel room instead of at home?

 

[Foresight]

Being scared of SN is reasonable.

 

[allthebrightplaces]

Sodium nitrite

thank you!

 

[Seafoam]

Lol it's ok, I'm scared too. So many steps I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck up.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings are understandable. The fear of failure is the main thing that holds me back from ctb. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[cyanlove]

Why did you choose a motel room instead of at home?

I live with my parents

 

[Nightmare Painting]

I backed out twice in the last two years because of SI and because I didn't want to leave my dog at the time. It's not a waste if you don't feel ready yet for whatever reason.

 

[YMN]

Don't feel bad about backing out! Suicide isn't something to take lightly. There's no need to rush or feel guilty about having second thoughts.

 

[Of The Universe]

If at first you don't suceed,....ha ha just kidding!

 

[cyanlove]

Update: so about 12 hours ago I decided to take a sip of the SN (like barely enough to taste and swallow a little bit) and I am now puking my brains out.

 

[nowayout*]

Update: so about 12 hours ago I decided to take a sip of the SN (like barely enough to taste and swallow a little bit) and I am now puking my brains out.

Well that's not reassuring.

 

[rationaltake]

Do you need to call for medical attention? Sorry you're in this position.

 

[cyanlove]

Do you need to call for medical attention? Sorry you're in this position.

I decided to wait it out. I can keep down water finally. I have the worst headache of my life, too.

 

[rationaltake]

I decided to wait it out. I can keep down water finally. I have the worst headache of my life, too.

Hope you feel better soon.

 

[nowayout*]

I decided to wait it out. I can keep down water finally. I have the worst headache of my life, too.

Hope you feel better.

 

[Luchs]

I'm not an expert on toxicology, but i have brrn playing with the idea of crushing cherry pits in my mortar, dissolving them in water and chugging the liquid. I have to do more research on thr dosage, but if it is high enough I could expect to black out after ~30 seconds.

 

[cyanlove]

I'm not an expert on toxicology, but i have brrn playing with the idea of crushing cherry pits in my mortar, dissolving them in water and chugging the liquid. I have to do more research on thr dosage, but if it is high enough I could expect to black out after ~30 seconds.

I wouldn't

 

[Al Cappella]

Hopefully you're feeling better today. I too absolutely hate barfing, so I really feel for you.

 

[june]

Stay safe mat