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BeautifulMosaics

BeautifulMosaics

Specialist
Aug 15, 2021
310
I will try to keep this short.

A lot of us know, we are more than we appear. We are smarter and more talented than the things we've achieved; however things in life external and internal have held us back from the best/true versions of ourselves. A lot of the times we've held ourselves back counterintuitively.

For me, I'm 24Yo with a job 2 days a week but no real career or purpose or social life, and to be honest it is hard to build and plan for a future when you are in limbo between life and suicide.

I have never dated because I've spent most of my time since the age of 16 as a hikikomori practically. I have an old friend I made as a 7yo that I see maybe once a year if I'm lucky but that's it.

There are friendship apps and dating apps that if I wanted to "come out into the world", I could utilize.

However seeing these profiles, of people who lived life "properly" and have things going on, I feel unworthy. I know I have things to talk about, know I'm intelligent, but I suppose at the core of all this I worry about what people may think of me because of my "position" in life. Do you think it is possible to find someone who will accept me as I am? Particularly the not being sure of whether I even want to be alive part? lol. Has it happened to you?

I see people on this website say they have spouses and I wonder, do their spouses accept them for all of them (the lost, suicidal parts particularly) or do their spouses not even know this about them? Did they meet them like that or were they a functionally happy person when they met and (I assume) fell in love?

Also, on the non-low selfesteem side, I don't know if it's even good to enter a relationship in this state. Would it be like trying to fix my issues with a relationship or would it help me come out with the living, and put some fire into my belly. I also do want to experience love once in my life if I do decide to go. Being amongst living people is life-injecting. I feel this when I rarely come out of my room periodically throughout the years, but I can never follow through and just do and be who I want to be.

Part of me worries I will be settling in life if I take who accepts me in this state and I will never become the "true" me.

Does anyone have experience in this? What advice/perspective would you give regarding my doubts? In the getting to know eachother phase, how do I explain myself to the type of people I want?
 
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Bootleg Astolfo

Bootleg Astolfo

Glorious Bean Plushie
Oct 12, 2020
862
I come to offer you a femboy to makeup for the inevitable army of creeps that will soon try to slide in your dms lol.
images
 
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BeautifulMosaics

BeautifulMosaics

Specialist
Aug 15, 2021
310
I come to offer you a femboy to makeup for the inevitable army of creeps that will soon try to slide in your dms lol.
images
I didn't even think of or expect that lol. I still have my wits about me though lol.
 
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A

Anonymous_A

Arcanist
Oct 4, 2020
411
Before you start dating it's better to find your feet first imo.
Try getting past/sorting/removing the whole suicide ideation or whatever.

Start gym/start running..start doing stuff that improves yourself.

Focus on getting more hours at work.

Sign up to stuff where you'll make friends/social events/hobbies.

Set yourself right before looking for relationship stuff or it's just gonna make the whole ordeal harder/ if you get in a relationship, it will go tits up sooner or later if your not in a good spot beforehand.
 
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Worndown

Worndown

Illuminated
Mar 21, 2019
3,646
I can assure you not everyone in a relationship is "stable" or fully employed. It all depends on who you meet.
 
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EdibleGasMask

EdibleGasMask

Member
Jan 30, 2020
77
A relationship really isn't everything, as many people have probably told you before. Its a partly true statement because relationships come with their own caveats. I have a boyfriend been on and off for many years, and after all this goddamn time I still feel like he barely knows me. Also, I feel like such a terrible boyfriend to him because I'm still suicidal and feel like that's my fault because, I should be happy right cause I'm in a relationship. But, that isn't the case. I've only found my depression/suicidal tendency's have only complicated a lot and caused more stress for me.
Do you think it is possible to find someone who will accept me as I am?
If you don't hide the parts of yourself you want to be accepted It wont be that hard. Not that everyone is accepting but mistakes or things you dislike about yourself will never outweigh your good attributes people try to look for good in others.
Particularly the not being sure of whether I even want to be alive part?
I've never really told any partner of mine other than the usual "I get really depressed all the time" or something to the effect. I usually thought saying "I'm suicidal" put too much pressure on the other person. If you really want to tell them let it come later on.
 
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rosie93

rosie93

Student
Aug 28, 2021
152
I will try to keep this short.

A lot of us know, we are more than we appear. We are smarter and more talented than the things we've achieved; however things in life external and internal have held us back from the best/true versions of ourselves. A lot of the times we've held ourselves back counterintuitively.

For me, I'm 24Yo with a job 2 days a week but no real career or purpose or social life, and to be honest it is hard to build and plan for a future when you are in limbo between life and suicide.

I have never dated because I've spent most of my time since the age of 16 as a hikikomori practically. I have an old friend I made as a 7yo that I see maybe once a year if I'm lucky but that's it.

There are friendship apps and dating apps that if I wanted to "come out into the world", I could utilize.

However seeing these profiles, of people who lived life "properly" and have things going on, I feel unworthy. I know I have things to talk about, know I'm intelligent, but I suppose at the core of all this I worry about what people may think of me because of my "position" in life. Do you think it is possible to find someone who will accept me as I am? Particularly the not being sure of whether I even want to be alive part? lol. Has it happened to you?

I see people on this website say they have spouses and I wonder, do their spouses accept them for all of them (the lost, suicidal parts particularly) or do their spouses not even know this about them? Did they meet them like that or were they a functionally happy person when they met and (I assume) fell in love?

Also, on the non-low selfesteem side, I don't know if it's even good to enter a relationship in this state. Would it be like trying to fix my issues with a relationship or would it help me come out with the living, and put some fire into my belly. I also do want to experience love once in my life if I do decide to go. Being amongst living people is life-injecting. I feel this when I rarely come out of my room periodically throughout the years, but I can never follow through and just do and be who I want to be.

Part of me worries I will be settling in life if I take who accepts me in this state and I will never become the "true" me.

Does anyone have experience in this? What advice/perspective would you give regarding my doubts? In the getting to know eachother phase, how do I explain myself to the type of people I want?
I believe the answer is no. First you have to fix yourself. I didn't and that was a huge mistake.
 
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W

Werewolf.

Student
May 28, 2021
183
Absolutely. Don't listen to the people who say you have to fix yourself first, that's just bullshit. They project their own insecurities onto others. Those people are no better than the "things will get better!" crowd. Truth is, I wouldn't be suicidal if I had someone. And I'm certain it's the same for you. I am in the same boat as you after all. In my mid-20s, but I have no job whatsoever. You are doing better than I am, so congratulations on not being the biggest loser here.
 
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P

Peel_the_Banana

Good Bye
Aug 2, 2021
201
I like the posts on fixing yourself first b/c you have to be comfortable with you before you can be comfortable with someone else. I don't think you have to be perfect. But you should be well on your way to your version of content. There are no shortage of people who think a mate will help them be better and the whole world will now be rosey. Thats bullshit. A healthy relationship takes a lot of work. And the healthier you are the less BS you will accept.

Make a list of your NEEDS then make a list of your wants. Be clear about what is and isn't negotiable. Keep that list with you at all times. Unhealthy people who desire companionship will often overlook their own needs as a trade off when it comes to loneliness. This is exactly what you don't want to do.

Absolutely. Don't listen to the people who say you have to fix yourself first, that's just bullshit. They project their own insecurities onto others. Those people are no better than the "things will get better!" crowd. Truth is, I wouldn't be suicidal if I had someone. And I'm certain it's the same for you. I am in the same boat as you after all. In my mid-20s, but I have no job whatsoever. You are doing better than I am, so congratulations on not being the biggest loser here.

A person almost always only attracts someone just as healthy as him/her self. Being a healthy person makes you less liable to project your insecurities onto the relationship; or sacrifice yourself in order to keep an unhealthy relationship. The truth is NO ONE can make you happy. NO ONE is perfect. So you if you decide to date anyway, I recommend you take the list out often and review your needs. The minute you hear yourself saying "oh its not that bad" or any other statement that is ignoring your own needs dump him/her.
 
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Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Always was, is, and always shall be.
Jun 22, 2020
6,082
I will try to keep this short.

A lot of us know, we are more than we appear. We are smarter and more talented than the things we've achieved; however things in life external and internal have held us back from the best/true versions of ourselves. A lot of the times we've held ourselves back counterintuitively.

For me, I'm 24Yo with a job 2 days a week but no real career or purpose or social life, and to be honest it is hard to build and plan for a future when you are in limbo between life and suicide.

I have never dated because I've spent most of my time since the age of 16 as a hikikomori practically. I have an old friend I made as a 7yo that I see maybe once a year if I'm lucky but that's it.

There are friendship apps and dating apps that if I wanted to "come out into the world", I could utilize.

However seeing these profiles, of people who lived life "properly" and have things going on, I feel unworthy. I know I have things to talk about, know I'm intelligent, but I suppose at the core of all this I worry about what people may think of me because of my "position" in life. Do you think it is possible to find someone who will accept me as I am? Particularly the not being sure of whether I even want to be alive part? lol. Has it happened to you?

I see people on this website say they have spouses and I wonder, do their spouses accept them for all of them (the lost, suicidal parts particularly) or do their spouses not even know this about them? Did they meet them like that or were they a functionally happy person when they met and (I assume) fell in love?

Also, on the non-low selfesteem side, I don't know if it's even good to enter a relationship in this state. Would it be like trying to fix my issues with a relationship or would it help me come out with the living, and put some fire into my belly. I also do want to experience love once in my life if I do decide to go. Being amongst living people is life-injecting. I feel this when I rarely come out of my room periodically throughout the years, but I can never follow through and just do and be who I want to be.

Part of me worries I will be settling in life if I take who accepts me in this state and I will never become the "true" me.

Does anyone have experience in this? What advice/perspective would you give regarding my doubts? In the getting to know eachother phase, how do I explain myself to the type of people I want?
You are over thinking the idea of dating and relationship.
You should just try it. It's not the scary thing you think it is where you need to have things going on for yourself. Not everyone is judging you. It's a matter of finding someone who enjoys being with you and you enjoy them. You seem intelligent and as if you have something to offer. I see you as someone who sets up mental blocks to anything you might be able to achieve.
 
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W

Werewolf.

Student
May 28, 2021
183
A person almost always only attracts someone just as healthy as him/her self. Being a healthy person makes you less liable to project your insecurities onto the relationship; or sacrifice yourself in order to keep an unhealthy relationship. The truth is NO ONE can make you happy. NO ONE is perfect. So you if you decide to date anyway, I recommend you take the list out often and review your needs. The minute you hear yourself saying "oh its not that bad" or any other statement that is ignoring your own needs dump him/her.
This is bullshit and you know it. There's a reason why for many people it's "opposites attract."
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Always was, is, and always shall be.
Jun 22, 2020
6,082
The minute you hear yourself saying "oh its not that bad" or any other statement that is ignoring your own needs dump him/her.
I agree. If you are trying to overlook things that bother you, or things that invalidate you, it's important to dump them. Otherwise you waste valuable time and energy just trying to overlook things and still being unhappy.
 
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Peel_the_Banana

Good Bye
Aug 2, 2021
201
This is bullshit and you know it. There's a reason why for many people it's "opposites attract."

Rubbish! That statement has been used to apply to characteristics and / or traits not healthiness...

I don't know any healthy people looking for unhealthy people. I don't want garbage. Let 'em go rot elsewhere!

There are men who have the captain save-a-hoe mentality. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I think those pairings are just the luck of the draw. Most often it works best when the man is healthy and the woman is only slightly unhealthy.

An unhealthy man almost always brings a healthy woman down. Just b/c men often see themselves as the providers and "leaders" in relationships; his self-confidence almost always comes into play when he's not holding his own. I've only seen it very few times where a man who was in the trenches got himself together to keep the woman. I think it happened more often before society started going to shit in the age of social media. There's less incentive for him to do so in these times for a host of reasons you can imagine.
 
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Ken Ough

Member
Jan 28, 2021
25
Absolutely. Don't listen to the people who say you have to fix yourself first, that's just bullshit. They project their own insecurities onto others. Those people are no better than the "things will get better!" crowd. Truth is, I wouldn't be suicidal if I had someone. And I'm certain it's the same for you. I am in the same boat as you after all. In my mid-20s, but I have no job whatsoever. You are doing better than I am, so congratulations on not being the biggest loser here.
So you don't have the experience, yet you are quick to dismiss others' comments as "bullshit".
Then why haven't you found your own Misaki if one doesn't have to fix themselves?
Btw, "opposites attract" is such a provable statement.
 
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Werewolf.

Student
May 28, 2021
183
Rubbish! That statement has been used to apply to characteristics and / or traits not healthiness...

I don't know any healthy people looking for unhealthy people. I don't want garbage. Let 'em go rot elsewhere!

There are men who have the captain save-a-hoe mentality. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I think those pairings are just the luck of the draw. Most often it works best when the man is healthy and the woman is only slightly unhealthy.

An unhealthy man almost always brings a healthy woman down. Just b/c men often see themselves as the providers and "leaders" in relationships; his self-confidence almost always comes into play when he's not holding his own. I've only seen it very few times where a man who was in the trenches got himself together to keep the woman. I think it happened more often before society started going to chit in the age of social media. There's less incentive for him to do so in these times for a host of reasons you can imagine.
So you are basically talking about physical health? Yes, I don't see healthy people seeking out unhealthy people. But if you are talking mental health then I don't think it matters, it is a case by case thing. For me, my mental state would improve greatly just by having someone. I also have a friend who was more than willing to be with a mentally scarred woman but still she ended pushing him away. So like I said. It is a case by case thing.
So you don't have the experience, yet you are quick to dismiss others' comments as "bullshit".
Then why haven't you find your own Misaki if one doesn't have to fix themselves?
Btw, "opposites attract" is such a provable statement.
What dumb shit are you going to tell me next? It will get better? Don't make me laugh kid.
 
P

Peel_the_Banana

Good Bye
Aug 2, 2021
201
So you are basically talking about physical health? Yes, I don't see healthy people seeking out unhealthy people. But if you are talking mental health then I don't think it matters, it is a case by case thing. For me, my mental state would improve greatly just by having someone.
Definitely mental health. Physical health-it depends on personal preference. I don't want to date a depressed man. He usually self sabotages the relationship. A woman who is often being kind will start overcompensating for him then shit usually goes downhill from there. Its a typical pattern in society.

I also have a friend who was more than willing to be with a mentally scarred woman but still she ended pushing him away. So like I said. It is a case by case thing.
That is very common for both sexes but it looks very different when men do it, than when women do it (unless she's a brutal man-eater). Thats exactly the stuff I was referring to in my previous post.
 
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Ken Ough

Member
Jan 28, 2021
25
What dumb shit are you going to tell me next? It will get better? Don't make me laugh kid.
Cringe. Maybe ponder a little more.
No one is saying that it's magically gets better. But one needs to cope with the fact that "being the biggest loser" has something to do with one's lack of desire to be more than "just oneself".
 
D

Deleted member 8975

Guest
If you're a female, yes. If you're a male, forget it.
 
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CountOfTuscany

CountOfTuscany

Member
Sep 11, 2021
42
I will try to keep this short.

A lot of us know, we are more than we appear. We are smarter and more talented than the things we've achieved; however things in life external and internal have held us back from the best/true versions of ourselves. A lot of the times we've held ourselves back counterintuitively.

For me, I'm 24Yo with a job 2 days a week but no real career or purpose or social life, and to be honest it is hard to build and plan for a future when you are in limbo between life and suicide.

I have never dated because I've spent most of my time since the age of 16 as a hikikomori practically. I have an old friend I made as a 7yo that I see maybe once a year if I'm lucky but that's it.

There are friendship apps and dating apps that if I wanted to "come out into the world", I could utilize.

However seeing these profiles, of people who lived life "properly" and have things going on, I feel unworthy. I know I have things to talk about, know I'm intelligent, but I suppose at the core of all this I worry about what people may think of me because of my "position" in life. Do you think it is possible to find someone who will accept me as I am? Particularly the not being sure of whether I even want to be alive part? lol. Has it happened to you?

I see people on this website say they have spouses and I wonder, do their spouses accept them for all of them (the lost, suicidal parts particularly) or do their spouses not even know this about them? Did they meet them like that or were they a functionally happy person when they met and (I assume) fell in love?

Also, on the non-low selfesteem side, I don't know if it's even good to enter a relationship in this state. Would it be like trying to fix my issues with a relationship or would it help me come out with the living, and put some fire into my belly. I also do want to experience love once in my life if I do decide to go. Being amongst living people is life-injecting. I feel this when I rarely come out of my room periodically throughout the years, but I can never follow through and just do and be who I want to be.

Part of me worries I will be settling in life if I take who accepts me in this state and I will never become the "true" me.

Does anyone have experience in this? What advice/perspective would you give regarding my doubts? In the getting to know eachother phase, how do I explain myself to the type of people I want?
To get a relationship, all you need is something to draw in a prospective partner, as long as you are not physically deformed or completely hideous. It could be a hobby, an interest, physical attractiveness, or really anything. But there has to be something. Then you need to talk with someone once and use that thing to make enough of an impression that the person wants to talk with you again. In those years at home, did you develop any such ways to connect with people?

If so, then you just need to go try and talk with some people! It might not work out the first 8 times, but if you try enough, then you are certain to find someone eventually. It's really not that big of a deal to get rejected a few times - that's why we have phrases like "shooting my shot".

If not, then there is some merit to the arguments that you should "fix yourself" before pursuing a relationship. I'd still say go for it, but understand that it's going to be a low-percentage play while you lack the tools for success. You might get more bang for your buck if you instead developed some passion or hobby, or at least found something you could pretend to be passionate about.

On the topic of being authentic, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being skeptical about life. You just need to understand that some potential partners will be thrown off by this. Sometimes, it could be to your advantage to downplay it initially, and then only start talking about it once you're far into the relationship. By then, you and your partner will be more comfortable around each other, and your partner will likely be more open to hearing your true thoughts.

Are relationships fun? Absolutely. Will they make you a better person? Quite possibly. But will they resolve your years-long skepticism of the merits of continuing to live? Probably not.

I've been in several relationships. They were great. And now I'm here.

Best of luck!
 
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Peel_the_Banana

Good Bye
Aug 2, 2021
201
To get a relationship, all you need is something to draw in a prospective partner, as long as you are not physically deformed or completely hideous. It could be a hobby, an interest, physical attractiveness, or really anything. But there has to be something. Then you need to talk with someone once and use that thing to make enough of an impression that the person wants to talk with you again. In those years at home, did you develop any such ways to connect with people?

If so, then you just need to go try and talk with some people! It might not work out the first 8 times, but if you try enough, then you are certain to find someone eventually. It's really not that big of a deal to get rejected a few times - that's why we have phrases like "shooting my shot".

If not, then there is some merit to the arguments that you should "fix yourself" before pursuing a relationship. I'd still say go for it, but understand that it's going to be a low-percentage play while you lack the tools for success. You might get more bang for your buck if you instead developed some passion or hobby, or at least found something you could pretend to be passionate about.

On the topic of being authentic, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being skeptical about life. You just need to understand that some potential partners will be thrown off by this. Sometimes, it could be to your advantage to downplay it initially, and then only start talking about it once you're far into the relationship. By then, you and your partner will be more comfortable around each other, and your partner will likely be more open to hearing your true thoughts.

Are relationships fun? Absolutely. Will they make you a better person? Quite possibly. But will they resolve your years-long skepticism of the merits of continuing to live? Probably not.

I've been in several relationships. They were great. And now I'm here.

Best of luck!

I agree with 97% of this.

While you are talking to them make sure you are interested in them and you don't just become enamored with the potential for connection. Since you are new to this don't be so quick to lock him down. Meet a few people and date simultaneously. As you become more experienced you will get a better idea of what works for you.

Just make sure you "Don't waste your pretty." Being young its the optimal time to attract friends / partners. But spending a lot of time with the wrong one can eat up your time clock.

@Phia2021 you are probably over thinking this. Just get out there. Meetup.com can be a start.
 
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Werewolf.

Student
May 28, 2021
183
Cringe. Maybe ponder a little more.
No one is saying that it's magically gets better. But one needs to cope with the fact that "being the biggest loser" has something to do with one's lack of desire to be more than "just oneself".
Didn't read, go fuck off elsewhere with this dumb shit.
Definitely mental health. Physical health-it depends on personal preference. I don't want to date a depressed man. He usually self sabotages the relationship. A woman who is often being kind will start overcompensating for him then shit usually goes downhill from there. Its a typical pattern in society.


That is very common for both sexes but it looks very different when men do it, than when women do it (unless she's a brutal man-eater). Thats exactly the stuff I was referring to in my previous post.
Everyone is different though. Again, seems like you and the other person are just projecting. Like I stated first.
 
P

Peel_the_Banana

Good Bye
Aug 2, 2021
201
Everyone is different though. Again, seems like you and the other person are just projecting. Like I stated first.

No I'm not. For someone with no experience you sure keep drawing conclusions. You don't even know my background nor anything about my expertise or life. I am speaking based on statistical data in society. "Everyone is different." Is a statement that can apply but it is often used by many when they don't have data to back up their statements. If I were speaking from personal experience I would have stated that.
 
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W

Werewolf.

Student
May 28, 2021
183
No I'm not. For someone with no experience you sure keep drawing conclusions. You don't even know my background nor anything about my expertise or life. I am speaking based on statistical data in society. "Everyone is different." Is a statement that can apply but it is often used by many when they don't have data to back to back up their statements. If I were speaking from personal experience I would have stated that.
Why do people like you keep throwing baseless accusations? Just accept you're wrong and move on.
 
Q

quakociaptockh2

Member
Mar 23, 2021
31
I have good news and bad news.

Bad news: Nobody gives a f*ck whether you are suicidal.
Good news: You can exploit that fact to find a girl, job or whatever.

People don't care. Will a girl accept you as a suicidal person? She doesn't even understand what it means. Of course if you start to talk about it, she will most likely run away or call ambulance. But as long as you don't let it outside, things will be fine.

People are superficial. They don't see what is "inside" you, they only register external signals. If you learn to signal stereotypically "good" things, as strength, ambition etc., you can achieve anything.

And when you do that, you become a so called highly functioning person with depression. If you even mention that you are suicidal, they will congratulate you a nice recovery. For people mental health = functioning. Nobody cares what you feel.

So yes, you can have a gf being suicidal, as long as you satisfy all the requiremens normal people do. And she will never know, because she will never ask.
 
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U

user_name_here

N/A
May 16, 2021
315
I believe the answer is no. First you have to fix yourself. I didn't and that was a huge mistake.
I second this.

While I was still attending mental health meetings and making a concerted effort to get better, i.e. eating healthy and becoming addicted to the gym, I definitely started to notice and pick up on more attraction signals from the opposite sex be it in real life or even on dating apps. I was feeling much less suicidal at the time too so I guess it radiated without me realising.

Since things changed, I noticed the opposite once again.

In short, we tend reflect our internal selves on our exterior and it can be noticeable to the type of people you truly desire. At least from my experience.
 
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PinkSakura

PinkSakura

Rip Flower I'll never forget you </3 我想你花
Feb 8, 2021
137
Yes, someone will accept you
 
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Bxbrowler

Member
May 19, 2021
26
Before you start dating it's better to find your feet first imo.
Try getting past/sorting/removing the whole suicide ideation or whatever.

Start gym/start running..start doing stuff that improves yourself.

Focus on getting more hours at work.

Sign up to stuff where you'll make friends/social events/hobbies.

Set yourself right before looking for relationship stuff or it's just gonna make the whole ordeal harder/ if you get in a relationship, it will go tits up sooner or later if your not in a good spot beforehand.
That advice was well-executed
 
SleepDealer

SleepDealer

Your Imaginary Friend
Aug 13, 2021
138
So you don't have the experience, yet you are quick to dismiss others' comments as "bullshit".
Then why haven't you found your own Misaki if one doesn't have to fix themselves?
Btw, "opposites attract" is such a provable statement.
That Misaki comment was such a pleasant surprise, I wasn't expecting to see a reference to NHK today.

Perhaps this "debate" is exactly why NHK did not resonate with me like it did with those that worship it. I found the entire concept of Misaki rather... unbelievable, even though she is quite flawed herself. I don't know where Werewolf is getting the confidence to say that a person's situation won't impact their ability to find a relationship.

Like attracts like, OP. Consider your standards for a lover, and then apply those same standards to yourself. How do you measure up, do you meet your own expectations? You'll never even get off the ground if you don't evaluate your standards first.

I'm going to take a page out of the incel book and reduce people to numbers in order to make a point:
Say for the example you're a 5, but you want a 10. Fine. However, what you're asking for is someone who is attractive, yet open to dating someone less attractive than themselves. You, on the other hand, insist on a 10. You want someone more attractive than you. Tell me, why would someone who is open-minded enough to date "out of their league" be attracted to a shallow, close-minded individual who wouldn't do the same? You and this 10 have different values, so it doesn't add up.

A 10 dating a 5 is not impossible, but you have to consider the reasons why anyone would do that. The 5 needs to have something to offer, and no, that is not always money. Despite what a certain fifty-page-manifesto-writer seems to think, owning a BMW is not on everyone's list of "reasons to date someone" because not everyone values wealth or specific brands of cars. If that was the case then surely poor people would have died out, no?

Maybe your standards are fine and you're not looking for a perfect 10 to fill the void, but it's still important to consider how a person's values come into play, who exactly you want to mesh with, and whether or not your lifestyle is going to conflict with that. Beyond that, don't overthink it. Just use the things you enjoy as a gateway to finding more people like yourself. Nearly everyone I've dated has been someone I connected with through shared interests and hobbies.

That said... While I'm using my experiences as an example, I might as well mention that there's a reason I'm not in a relationship right now. Relationships won't fix you. I've been in many relationships despite being a hikikomori myself, and despite what an absolute freak I am at my core. However, my personal issues got in the way. It had nothing to do with my lover's ability to love me, and everything to do with my own ability to handle my own issues. I don't love myself, I don't want to be here, and I sabotaged my own relationships by pushing perfectly loving people away and refusing to engage with reality.

You may have different issues than me, so problems may manifest differently, but it's still worth considering.
 
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Peel_the_Banana

Good Bye
Aug 2, 2021
201
Why do people like you keep throwing baseless accusations? Just accept you're wrong and move on.

And you're an idiot. No wonder why you're lonely. Bye Bye!

*ignore button pressed*
 
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