Death Zone

[Roger]

I have tried to avoid any declarations in this forum of when I will top myself. I haven't been certain, and I have wanted to avoid being guilty of repeatedly kicking the can down the road.
These last few days, for reasons that I can't really isolate, I have experienced a strong sense of having crossed a psychological line in my progression towards death.
Have I moved into the Death Zone ?
I am still not going to set a precise date.
Not yet.
But it feels sooner.

 

[TimeToDie]

I'm in the Death Zone too, if that's what it's called. Back in late February I ended up stuck laying in bed all day as I started to contemplate death. In March I laid in bed torturing myself by going over & over my arguments in favor of death and trying to see if there was any way the argument ended with anything other than I absolutely must die. I've set numerous deadlines for CTB and each time the deadline passes and gets extended. First I couldn't kill myself as I didn't have any buckshot and would have had to use a mere .45. So I got buckshot. Then I got into a panic about how I didn't have a will & thus my house & car would go to the person I hate more than anyone on Earth. So I had my lawyer draft a will. Then I couldn't die just yet as I had to wait to get the TOD deed for my house recorded, then I got that in mid-April. Then I set my deadline for CTB for the my birthday. That day passed and I set various other dates in May. And then I set June deadlines and they passed too. For the last few weeks I have been 100% certain that I must die, yet I just can't do it yet.

 

[Roger]

Maybe it's down to having finalized my accumulation of the means to take my leave. My unopened packs of SN, metoclopramide and ranitidine sit looking at me at eye-level whenever I open a kitchen cupboard.

 

[TimeToDie]

My shotgun sits on the bedroom floor waiting for me and the box of buckshot sits in my kitchen where it has laid since March 9th.

 

[jake3d]

Maybe it's down to having finalized my accumulation of the means to take my leave. My unopened packs of SN, metoclopramide and ranitidine sit looking at me at eye-level whenever I open a kitchen cupboard.

Do yourself a favor and get an aquarium testing kit and test your SN, to at least get a rough idea if it's actually the concentration it claims. I can detail it more by PM, been wanting to make a topic about it but i can't be arsed right now.

Recently a UK member here tried his "99.9% food grade" SN... and he just passed out for 4 hours and woke up sick with his lips turned blue. The stuff he got was not pure. His lips went back to normal the next day.

@TimeToDie, I wish I had a shotgun... i'd be gone by now.

 

[Asacschrader33]

TimeToDie do you think 12 gauge B.B. shot strong enough?

 

[rkachna]

Do yourself a favor and get an aquarium testing kit and test your SN, to at least get a rough idea if it's actually the concentration it claims. I can detail it more by PM, been wanting to make a topic about it but i can't be arsed right now.

Recently a UK member here tried his "99.9% food grade" SN... and he just passed out for 4 hours and woke up sick with his lips turned blue. The stuff he got was not pure. His lips went back to normal the next day.

@TimeToDie, I wish I had a shotgun... i'd be gone by now.

Could you please PM me with more details? Thank you!

 

[TimeToDie]

TimeToDie do you think 12 gauge B.B. shot strong enough?

I have no idea. Why not splurge and spend $7 for a 5-pack of buckshot and not have to wonder?

 

[SinisterKid]

Do yourself a favor and get an aquarium testing kit and test your SN, to at least get a rough idea if it's actually the concentration it claims. I can detail it more by PM, been wanting to make a topic about it but i can't be arsed right now.

Recently a UK member here tried his "99.9% food grade" SN... and he just passed out for 4 hours and woke up sick with his lips turned blue. The stuff he got was not pure. His lips went back to normal the next day.

@TimeToDie, I wish I had a shotgun... i'd be gone by now.

I have been trying to warn people in the UK about this. SN is now regulated here and sellers of the pure stuff will only sell to limited companies and ask for photo ID. The e bay sellers are only pushing lab grade SN and when people put negative comments on the listing, they just create another.

 

[TimeToDie]

ignore

 

[jake3d]

Could you please PM me with more details? Thank you!

You'll need to spend some more time on here first to get the privilege to use PM and chat.

 

[barny]

I have been trying to warn people in the UK about this. SN is now regulated here and sellers of the pure stuff will only sell to limited companies and ask for photo ID. The e bay sellers are only pushing lab grade SN and when people put negative comments on the listing, they just create another.

No way! that's what I ordered. it doesn't look like there's much there. so it wont work. ?

 

[jake3d]

^^ Test it. I have published a tutorial on how to test SN.

 

[Roger]

I have been trying to warn people in the UK about this. SN is now regulated here and sellers of the pure stuff will only sell to limited companies and ask for photo ID. The e bay sellers are only pushing lab grade SN and when people put negative comments on the listing, they just create another.

It is not regulated in UK, but there does seem to be a voluntary partial restriction, as a matter of policy, by several suppliers, who will only supply if given evidence that it will be used only for "legitimate" use.
Any supplier who chooses to ignore such a policy is not subject to any sort of legal sanction.
Not yet, anyway.
But such a seller would lay themself liable to the criminal provisions of Trades Description legislation if they described the product incorrectly.
I suspect that the voluntary policy may have come about as the result of efforts by the "Minister for Suicide Prevention" appointed last year.

 

[jake3d]

Also some vendors will send you garbage precisely because it is not regulated... Legitimate researchers don't usually go shopping on ebay and for a kid's chemistry project it doesn't matter if it's 99%, 70% or 30%.

The vendor in Poland is reliable, you may PM me for more info.

 

[Roger]

TimeToDie do you think 12 gauge B.B. shot strong enough?

Strong enough for what ?

 

[SinisterKid]

Hi

Thank you for your recent enquiry.

Please note the recent new legislation that came into effect under new rules issued by the UK Government on 2nd September 2014.

We can now only supply to Limited companies, Partnerships, Sole Traders, Trading Businesses or to persons who are in possession of a home office license to receive this product.

We would also need to know the application for which you intend to use this product.

If you do not meet the criteria we will be unable to proceed with your order.

If you feel you meet the criteria listed above and are OVER 21 YEARS OF AGE, please complete the attached form and return it to us for approval, please also supply Photographic Identification (Driving Licence/Passport) and proof of address.

I apologise for any inconvenience this causes.

That was the response I got after my order was confirmed. It came with a PDF attachment which needed to be completed and returned. I did find another seller on E Bay and so far I have had no response to my request to confirm that their product is 99% pure. The same seller, after receiving negative comments concerning purity of the product advertised, simply made another listing with a different quantity on offer. If this information is incorrect, then I apologise.

 

[Roger]

The reply that you post above is misleading.

Please accept that I have professional experience in the area of supply and distribution of controlled items and substances, but to maintain my anonymity I wish to say no more.

Controlled poisons in UK fall into two legal categories, viz. Regulated and Reportable.

Regulated substances require the purchaser to have a license.

Reportable items can be lawfully acquired and possessed without a license, BUT there is an onus on the supplier to report any sales or requests which they consider suspicious. SN is Reportable.

Some suppliers just don't want the hastle of deciding what is or is not 'suspicious' and will infer that a license is required where strictly speaking it is not. Easier to blame the Home Office than having to argue with disappointed potential customers. By and large it is the larger suppliers who don't want to be bothered, whereas smaller suppliers (some of them) will be happier to Hoover up the business.

Hi

Thank you for your recent enquiry.

Please note the recent new legislation that came into effect under new rules issued by the UK Government on 2nd September 2014.

We can now only supply to Limited companies, Partnerships, Sole Traders, Trading Businesses or to persons who are in possession of a home office license to receive this product.

We would also need to know the application for which you intend to use this product.

If you do not meet the criteria we will be unable to proceed with your order.

If you feel you meet the criteria listed above and are OVER 21 YEARS OF AGE, please complete the attached form and return it to us for approval, please also supply Photographic Identification (Driving Licence/Passport) and proof of address.

I apologise for any inconvenience this causes.

That was the response I got after my order was confirmed. It came with a PDF attachment which needed to be completed and returned. I did find another seller on E Bay and so far I have had no response to my request to confirm that their product is 99% pure. The same seller, after receiving negative comments concerning purity of the product advertised, simply made another listing with a different quantity on offer. If this information is incorrect, then I apologise.

 

[Asacschrader33]

Strong enough for what ?

For suicide. B.B. shot (strongest birdshot, 12 gauge) through the mouth.

 

[Roger]

For suicide. B.B. shot (strongest birdshot, 12 gauge) through the mouth.

Definitely.

 

[Asacschrader33]

Doooooooope thanks mate.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

These last few days, for reasons that I can't really isolate, I have experienced a strong sense of having crossed a psychological line in my progression towards death.
Have I moved into the Death Zone ?

I too noticed that sometime in April, there was a qualitative shift for me. In winter I felt already that something bad was approaching and that I'd maybe not be able to make it through this year. Suicide seemed to be coming closer and it still seemed very terrifying. Then something happened and I had a breakdown and afterwards it was different. Thinking of suicide is the only thing that gives me peace now on some days. And working towards it, preparing things, acquiring the means, is the only thing I can do that calms me down sometimes.

I still have good days or when I'm lucky a week where it's not as present and where I can go about my day and be productive at work and everything. And sometimes I still feel like I'm looking back and hoping for someone to come save me. But there's nobody coming. And on a whole I really feel like I've accepted that I just need to go. I will keep making small steps in that direction and one day I'll have everything prepared enough and then I'll be waiting for the final breakdown to push me over the edge.

 

[Roger]

I have tried to avoid any declarations in this forum of when I will top myself. I haven't been certain, and I have wanted to avoid being guilty of repeatedly kicking the can down the road.
These last few days, for reasons that I can't really isolate, I have experienced a strong sense of having crossed a psychological line in my progression towards death.
Have I moved into the Death Zone ?
I am still not going to set a precise date.
Not yet.
But it feels sooner.

It is accelerating.
Right now, I feel quite calm about it.
For how long ? I'll probably start to panic at some point.
I realize that I have to do it.
Why do I mention it here ?
I'll answer that myself. It's the only place that I can.

 

[Asacschrader33]

It's coming fast for me. I'm surprisingly calm about it too, Roger. But I don't know how I'll be seconds before. Part of me is very relieved that I will not have to do this anymore. But of course I am afraid.

 

[Roger]

It's coming fast for me. I'm surprisingly calm about it too, Roger. But I don't know how I'll be seconds before. Part of me is very relieved that I will not have to do this anymore. But of course I am afraid.

Which method have you decided on ?
Where are you located ?

 

[Asacschrader33]

I'm going to use N in the middle of the woods with a shotgun in case I wake up. I'm located in Minneapolis, Minnesota

 

[lululoo]

I feel I may be in the death zone too. When I first got my method, I was happy to have it but suicide wasn't real yet as I had to wrap up some things. Now there is nothing left to wrap up, I have sunk to new lows physically and mentally, and suicide is becoming far more real. Like I can't sleep well at night, my digestion is messed up, and I truly feel my life is over. I'm going through fluctuating emotions about it all: fear I can't do it, relief at the thought I can, despair at all I never got in life, shame at dying with such a poor track record, and ping ponging between guilt at the pain I will cause and righteous anger at the pain they have caused me.

The only question remaining is when exactly I go, and will I be able to overcome survival instinct.

I wish I could only feel peace at the end, but that is not to be. @Roger, I wish as much peace to you as possible.

 

[Roger]

My family are being so kind to me, and I hate to think of what I am going to do to them, but I can only hope that they will understand, and in the long run accept that it was the best thing.

 

[Roger]

Also some vendors will send you garbage precisely because it is not regulated... Legitimate researchers don't usually go shopping on ebay and for a kid's chemistry project it doesn't matter if it's 99%, 70% or 30%.

The vendor in Poland is reliable, you may PM me for more info.

You have mentioned the reliability of Polish suppliers before.

My main supply of SN (250 gm) came a few weeks back from a UK supplier. It is packed in an opaque grey heat sealed sachet which I have not yet opened.

Then, about a week ago, I inadvertently ordered more from what I thought was a supplier in South East England. I couldn't be bothered cancelling the order, and it came today. I was surprised to see that it had come from Poland (postmarked Poznan). No invoice nor delivery note in the package. It is in a clear plastic bag with a ziplok type seal, so I can see that slightly yellowish white colour. It is slightly caked, but the lumps can be easily broken up with minimal finger pressure through the bag.

Is it likely to be from the supplier that you have expressed confidence in ?

 

[jake3d]

It is slightly caked, but the lumps can be easily broken up with minimal finger pressure through the bag.

Is it likely to be from the supplier that you have expressed confidence in ?

I think it's from the other supplier in Poland, which AFAIK has been proven to be reliable too so I would not worry.

The one I got it from ships everything in matte white HDPE plastic bottles with a red top and a label identifying the chemical and all necessary warnings on it. The bottle comes in a plain yellow padded envelope with no hint towards its contents.

If it's clumpy that means there was no anti-caking agent added so it is even more likely to be pure. You can always test it using the tutorial that I've made.