zombiegirl
the living dead
- Aug 17, 2023
- 175
during wakefulness, i often imagine death to be peaceful and freeing. it doesn't matter how much pain i might be in initially, because the final act of letting go and succumbing to nothingness seems like the most ancient and togethering transition a living being can experience.
but sometimes, i dream about death. and in those moments, death is anything but comfort. it is terrifying, agonizing, and sad. death is letting go of all that i love, my identity, my morals, my cherished memories. death is throwing myself into a vacuum of emptiness. it isn't something that gives, it's something that takes.
last night, i dreamt of dying. and i expected my body to return to the earth, for my soul to return to the universe. to feel oneness with all that is now, has ever been, ever will be.
but i didn't.
instead it was the cruel, uncaring hands of the cosmos ripping out every piece of me like wires from a machine until there was nothing left but a husk. an empty shell of what once was. as if i'd been nothing but a machine this whole time. my life never mattered--nobody's did. not even the most influential people could leave a mark, because once Earth was gone, they were too.
i wasn't connected with everything like i had hoped. i was just nothing. by the time i was dead, so was all else.
and like the universe had never existed in the first place, time and space were defunct.
ANYWAYS i reallllllllllllly hope it ain't like this when we die cuz the very thing that got me to accept death was thinking our matter just returns to being connected with everything else in One Big Soup. that our energy gets reused for something else. i have no idea what brought on this dream but i'm very big on the subconscious so i'd love to hear someone else's thoughts
but sometimes, i dream about death. and in those moments, death is anything but comfort. it is terrifying, agonizing, and sad. death is letting go of all that i love, my identity, my morals, my cherished memories. death is throwing myself into a vacuum of emptiness. it isn't something that gives, it's something that takes.
last night, i dreamt of dying. and i expected my body to return to the earth, for my soul to return to the universe. to feel oneness with all that is now, has ever been, ever will be.
but i didn't.
instead it was the cruel, uncaring hands of the cosmos ripping out every piece of me like wires from a machine until there was nothing left but a husk. an empty shell of what once was. as if i'd been nothing but a machine this whole time. my life never mattered--nobody's did. not even the most influential people could leave a mark, because once Earth was gone, they were too.
i wasn't connected with everything like i had hoped. i was just nothing. by the time i was dead, so was all else.
and like the universe had never existed in the first place, time and space were defunct.
ANYWAYS i reallllllllllllly hope it ain't like this when we die cuz the very thing that got me to accept death was thinking our matter just returns to being connected with everything else in One Big Soup. that our energy gets reused for something else. i have no idea what brought on this dream but i'm very big on the subconscious so i'd love to hear someone else's thoughts
