Venting Death feels like the only way

[sarang]

Bla bla try try try. I been suicidal since like 7 something. Always felt extreme feeling of unwantedness and lonliness that i rather kms. Never liked te idea of life. Its js a few sweetness covered with a huge mist of darkness. I cant do it. It started getting worser with age. At 16 these ocd and shi. Later depression, bpd (borderline personality disorder), 1 attempt, irritable bowel syndrome(ibs) combined with real actual anxiety. Phobias. All my failed relationships like friendship or even love. Im this obsesseed type i hate myself. Cant understand why i feel so different like not belonging anywhere always. I have decided im not gonna live soo long till even 25. Im turning 21, yet all i want is to freeze and end this. Everyday is a hugeeee pain. I tried i promise i tried everyday for years. I forced a smile several times. I tried to ignore how i feel. But somehow it hits me soo hard. I wanna rest i peace, is it too much to as for... my dream was robbed, my childhood nd teenage was robbed, my adulthood is turnin shiii in my 20's worser than ever. My parents are toxic, nah my mom js s submissive to everyone and dosent have a personality so i sympathise. Its my dad. He is a narcissist, toxic and is the main bad guy.. i dunno i have lived enough. I have nothing to look forward

 

[BLEH:3]

Same here, been writing and idealizing suicide since 6 and have lived in misery for the better part of my life, my life now isn't even that bad apart from the illneses and some relations but that's all I've know, suffering and depression has been my neutral for years and years. I honestly dont want to try and doubt i'll see 25 either. Feel you on this one brother

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very much understandable just wishing to be free, it's truly dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this existence, it does sound tiring what you've been through. In my case I certainly see death as the only relief, all I've ever wished for is to eternally not exist.

 

[sarang]

Same here, been writing and idealizing suicide since 6 and have lived in misery for the better part of my life, my life now isn't even that bad apart from the illneses and some relations but that's all I've know, suffering and depression has been my neutral for years and years. I honestly dont want to try and doubt i'll see 25 either. Feel you on this one brother

Hugsss bro. Yeahh i understand. Its like no matter what this feeling wont go away at all. I hope everything goes well for us even if it means we wanna be freed from life

Same here, been writing and idealizing suicide since 6 and have lived in misery for the better part of my life, my life now isn't even that bad apart from the illneses and some relations but that's all I've know, suffering and depression has been my neutral for years and years. I honestly dont want to try and doubt i'll see 25 either. Feel you on this one brother

Hugsss bro. Yeahh i understand. Its like no matter what this feeling wont go away at all. I hope everything goes well for us even if it means we wanna

It's very much understandable just wishing to be free, it's truly dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this existence, it does sound tiring what you've been through. In my case I certainly see death as the only relief, all I've ever wished for is to eternally not exist.

Hugss i feel yaa broo. Yeahh exactly. Somehow there r many peeps that could get through or lyk wanna live on. But some of us are cursed seriously. I can't imagine or feel happy. Constantly im my head s a warzone. Its tiring yesss :')