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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
I am sure many of you older folks are fans of the movie Jaws.

Where I live we are having a bit of a great white shark "problem" so they are closing beaches left and right because of the spike in great white sightings—last week alone 8 great whites were spotted, one of whom devoured a seal. I wish to be that seal!

My plan would be to kayak out to sea with a trail of bait attached to my kayak. And some bait on my body. If I spot a shark I will immediately leave the kayak, jumping into the water and flailing around to attract attention from the shark. I'll put the bait around my neck, closely and snuggly tied so my jungular is impacted immediately upon attack.

Any drawbacks to this method? Input appreciated, escpecially from marine experts and fishermen. Jacque Cousteau where are you?

Thank you,
Smilla ;)
 
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skitliv

skitliv

Le mort joyeux
Jul 11, 2018
485
Did Volatile possessed you? lol
 
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T

Tiburcio

Guest
Did Volatile possessed you? lol
He already died and his spirit is in Smilla now.

-------------------

Here where I am there is a HUGE amount of jellyfishes in the beach, there is a massive concentration and very easy to see, could somebody die by a poison overdose?






Now seriously, I think both methods are awful ideas.

First of all, being devoured by any animal is cruel, gruesome and keeps the pain to totally unknown levels. Every form of suicide I know is more peaceful than this.

Second, if when you try to kill yourself you feel fear, how do you know that fear won't come when yiu are in the kayak? You know you are going to die after all.

The last, there is a small chance if some boat or some rare thing with humans is near you could be rescued with several injuries due to shark attack. It already happened in previous situations.



If you want to die in the sea, I simply can't reccomend this.

I'm even going to say that attach yourself to a heavy weight or having concrete shoes, falling into the water and dying choked is way more peaceful than a shark attack.
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
He already died and his spirit is in Smilla now.

------------------- For sure

Here where I am there is a HUGE amount of jellyfishes in the beach, there is a massive concentration and very easy to see, could somebody die by a poison overdose?






Now seriously, I think both methods are awful ideas.

First of all, being devoured by any animal is cruel, gruesome and keeps the pain to totally unknown levels. Every form of suicide I know is more peaceful than this.

Second, if when you try to kill yourself you feel fear, how do you know that fear won't come when yiu are in the kayak? You know you are going to die after all.

The last, there is a small chance if some boat or some rare thing with humans is near you could be rescued with several injuries due to shark attack. It already happened in previous situations.



If you want to die in the sea, I simply can't reccomend this.

I'm even going to say that attach yourself to a heavy weight or having concrete shoes, falling into the water and dying choked is way more peaceful than a shark attack.


Ok I think I will stick with Nitrogen.

;).

Meant this as a humorous thread btw.
 
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L

lv-gras

fledermausßßßßßßßß
Jul 27, 2018
617
pulls out ouja board

portuguese man of war
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
pulls out ouja board

portuguese man of war


I'm rowing out to sea now. Made some sandwiches (tuna salad), bought a bottle of Gin, and some limes.

Wish me luck. I tied canned sardines to the kayak. FYI I took sardines out of the can first.

Also added leftover salmon
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Also it's Jacques Cousteau


I spellled his name wrong earlier
 
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Nauseated

Nauseated

Insomnio
Jun 26, 2018
224
:pfff:
 
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Justanotherconsumer

Justanotherconsumer

Paragon
Jul 9, 2018
974
Is the kayak hard hull or inflatable? I was thinking it would be less traumatizing for the shark if you simply punctured the kayak, jumping in May startle the shark. We'll its probably to late now.

Peace be with you.
 
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ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
639
38767269_2183689538517034_7074471281575329792_n.jpg
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
I'm still rowing ‍

It's a hard kayak.

Sun is coming up and I don't see any sharks yet.
 
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D

Dip

Student
Jul 27, 2018
171
I'm still rowing ‍

It's a hard kayak.

Sun is coming up and I don't see any sharks yet.

You've got wireless internet out that far?
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
You've got wireless internet out that far?

I'm using radio waves

Thanks for asking.

I saw a dolphin so far but no sharks.

Need to eat then get back to rowing.
 
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D

Dip

Student
Jul 27, 2018
171
I'm using radio waves

Thanks for asking.

I saw a dolphin so far but no sharks.

Need to eat then get back to rowing.

Ok I think I will stick with Nitrogen.

;).

Meant this as a humorous thread btw.

Skipped over this part before, suspected as much heh.
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Skipped over this part before, suspected as much heh.
I'm actually rowing right now.

Thanks for the well wishes. Much appreciated.
 
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Justanotherconsumer

Justanotherconsumer

Paragon
Jul 9, 2018
974
Dolphins don't like sharks there one of only a few natural predators of sharks (they can swim 60mph underwater and "torpedo" the shark) plus there probly eating the bait, did you bring a knife?
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Dolphins don't like sharks there one of only a few natural predators of sharks (they can swim 60mph underwater and "torpedo" the shark) plus there probly eating the bait, did you bring a knife?


No knife. Gin gone.

Did not know that about dolphins.

So I guess I should row back, this attempt was doomed.
 
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Justanotherconsumer

Justanotherconsumer

Paragon
Jul 9, 2018
974
Yeah, get some beer and go relax, sharks are generally just interested in seals that close to shore, but with legs dangling on a surf board..from underneath looks just like a seal.
 
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D

Dip

Student
Jul 27, 2018
171
No knife. Gin gone.

Did not know that about dolphins.

So I guess I should row back, this attempt was doomed.

Have you tried death by giant squid or octopus? They're known to pull entire ships into Davy Jones locker ^^
81e9302e5c7e24aa5efc41156e04b425.gif
 
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Soon4me

Soon4me

Enlightened
Jun 15, 2018
1,591
giphy.gif
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Have you tried death by giant squid or octopus? They're known to pull entire ships into Davy Jones locker ^^
81e9302e5c7e24aa5efc41156e04b425.gif

Yes. However Tiburcio ruled this out in his post above.
 
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Nauseated

Nauseated

Insomnio
Jun 26, 2018
224
I'm glad you are just joking because this would be the worst way to go. Sharks generally will take a taste test of you first to see how much fat you have on your body they don't normally eat people they just bite huge chunks out of them and leave them to bleed out and die. A likely scenario is you would get your leg or arm bitten off and wash up on shore maybe be found and saved. Watch the show "I was prey" it has people recounting their tales of animal attacks, very gruesome stuff indeed.
 
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Xmac000

Xmac000

Somewhere...
May 23, 2018
102
Did Volatile possessed you? lol
Lol this. I wouldn't call it a silly method since its pretty effective but it will hurt like hell before you die. Thats one. Two where are you going to go to get eaten by the shark? Beaches don't have sharks in the perimeter and zoo's have things keeping them away from people.
 
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F

Freesan

Student
Jul 3, 2018
101
You should also wear a seal costume.
Make yourself look like a real juicy one.

Forget the kayak.
Otherwise the shark will see through the disguise and wont bother.
As seals dont row in kayaks.
Just swim.
 
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