I want to die, I want to be dead but I can't bring myself to do it because of the fear. Not necessarily the fear of what comes next, I don't really believe in anything next, in an afterlife. More the fear of the act itself, the fear of the pain it will cause to myself, to my body and having to go through that.
6ixxy
I sank so she could swim
- Apr 26, 2019
- 273
What is your method if you don't mind me asking?
Survival instinct plays a BIG part in wanting to CTB.
From my understanding I think being unable to fully commit to it is partly down to subconsciously not wanting to do it, deep down in your mind something is telling You not to do it, meaning you aren't ready even if you think you are. I could be wrong and you could just have a great survival instinct, but to overcome that I think you'd need to be heavily medicated with benzos or something that will render your mind essentially useless at the time.
Survival instinct plays a BIG part in wanting to CTB.
From my understanding I think being unable to fully commit to it is partly down to subconsciously not wanting to do it, deep down in your mind something is telling You not to do it, meaning you aren't ready even if you think you are. I could be wrong and you could just have a great survival instinct, but to overcome that I think you'd need to be heavily medicated with benzos or something that will render your mind essentially useless at the time.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I'm thinking about hanging. I have a rope but I'm too afraid to use it. I think you're right, there is a part of me that doesn't want to do it, maybe not just because I'm afraid, but also because it feels like a waste of my life and one part of me keeps telling me there's so much to live for but the other part is saying there's no point in trying. So, I don't know what to do or which part to listen to. Maybe to actually do it, you have to have all of you wanting to do it and you can't have any doubts. Thanks for the comment.
Victory
Member
- Dec 11, 2019
- 11
If you have any doubt don't CTB. I have more respect for people that have the inner strength to listen to that part of themselves. CTB is a final option. There is no changing your mind afterword. If you have doubts, or feel maybe you want to live for whatever reasons, you need to listen to them. I will always say to never CTB until you are completely sure and ready.
ManWithNoName
Enlightened
- Feb 2, 2019
- 1,224
I have this longing feeling that I'm not good enough or that I can't function in society and so I have to leave this world to solve that, but I guess if I work on that feeling, and feeling better about myself, I could attempt to keep going.
I guess it's a question of how sure you have to be to actually do it. Even if I feel very sure, I feel like I'll still have doubts about reasons I should keep trying, so I don't know at what point it's okay to let go and give up.
It's not about giving up. It's about the finality of it. If you think you can get better then try. If you feel life can possibly have meaning for you then explore that possibility. You can always go back to deciding to CTB if every single possibility fails. But, you can never come back to explore any of those after you CTB.
999888
Experienced
- Sep 10, 2019
- 230
If you have hope then yes. Please remember this is all just my opinion. But, yes. If there is hope, it should be explored. I considered every single possibility to try to find any chance of living. After a very long time I came to the point that there are no more chances of not being in constant pain on several levels. There are no more chances of hope. Only then did I conclude it was time to CTB.
I don't have any fear of it, as long as I choose a pain-free method. I just haven't got my supplies yet. When I talk about it, I feel relief.
It's weird, every time I have come closer and my plans become more developed for ending my life - at first I have been a bit in shock and incredulous, and then as I get used to it, just relief. I think the relief is definitely a sign that I am serious.
I am struggling my way through another medication or two (perhaps) but really I want this over.
It's weird, every time I have come closer and my plans become more developed for ending my life - at first I have been a bit in shock and incredulous, and then as I get used to it, just relief. I think the relief is definitely a sign that I am serious.
I am struggling my way through another medication or two (perhaps) but really I want this over.
