Dear mom.

[Harleyyy]

Dearest maa,
I love you. I love you so much. You gave me life, i know my birth wasnt the easiest you had to go through so much pain just to get me here and now i want to leave? That is not fair to you. You deserved an easy child, more like my cousins that you want me to be like but you will never say it because you love me too much for i am your child. I have been difficult, you had some issues when i was young so we never really built that conventional mother child bond but i love you. I am sorry that i shout sometimes, i am sorry that i make you sad, i am sorry that i dont treat you like you deserved to be treated, but i love you. I love to see you smile. It brings my heart peace, you think i dont care but how do i explain to you i care for you the most. I am sorry that my tired lifeless self does not make an actual effort. You dont know me really and i want to end it for me, i have been a sad child and now it is at its peak. I dont think you will ever read this and i dont have it in me to say all this to you. You are very harsh with your words some times, saying that i am a failure, you regret having me and you wish you could go away, i cant imagine what it will be like to you. Certainly i am the worst but mom if i end myself, and if rebirth is real then i pray with all my heart that you are my mom in every life. I love you, mumma. Please forgive me

 

[allym101]

I hope you put these words somewhere else as well where your mother can see them, reading this would give her a lot more comfort. Bless your soul, I hope one day you can find peace within this life, whether it be in this body or not.

 

[Harleyyy]

I hope you put these words somewhere else as well where your mother can see them, reading this would give her a lot more comfort. Bless your soul, I hope one day you can find peace within this life, whether it be in this body or not.

Maybe her thinking that i didnt care will be better because if she finds out she will regret her decisions even more?

 

[Epsilon0]

Such a beautiful post, @Harleyyy

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Absolutely heartwarming...x

 

[allym101]

Maybe her thinking that i didnt care will be better because if she finds out she will regret her decisions even more?

No, trust me when I say that won't make things better. If anything she'll feel even more hurt and confused when you leave without leaving anything. Her mind will run wild turning to the worst possibility and she could end up thinking she was a terrible worthless mother. You wrote a very beautiful note, please let her see it for her sake.

 

[Harleyyy]

No, trust me when I say that won't make things better. If anything she'll feel even more hurt and confused when you leave without leaving anything. Her mind will run wild turning to the worst possibility and she could end up thinking she was a terrible worthless mother. You wrote a very beautiful note, please let her see it for her sake.

I will. Thank you!

 

[Starpeople]

I think maybe you should try to understand your mom and talk to her and you guys should maybe work on your relationship if you love her as much as you say and obviously she loves you too more than you will ever know but it is hard sometimes to express feelings especially when angry, maybe she is one to say hurtful things when she herself might be in pain but has no intention to hurt you. Maybe she grew up not so happy and wanted only the best for you but couldn't give you perfect because she never experienced perfect. Maybe, just maybe you can build the most wonderful relationship together by healing together and being great support systems. My parents have said some pretty messed up things to me. I know it is not their fault, I know that they love me and I know that they need to heal from their own traumas. Now that I am a parent, I have said some things I regret to my kids too........ I would die if the words that I said to them caused them to want to die. I have a lot of trauma to heal within myself and maybe I shouldn't have become a parent but my goodness I love my kids more than anything in the world and I am willing to go above and beyond for their happiness. I beat myself up a lot over the things that I have said in anger. It kills me. BUT my therapist told me that showing my children how to rebuild from pain is most important. I wish you and your mom the best ever and I advice you to rebuild together and grow closer. Love and blessings to you and your mom :)