Daughter Talked About Suicide

[hershberger]

I've been around since the internet started, and I've always been a lurker. I never start threads. I'll support people or add comments here and there, but posting a thread is not something I normally do.

Today is different. At 10:30 this morning, we got a call from our daughter's school that she had been overheard by a teacher saying she wanted to kill herself.

A little background: she's the youngest of three daughters, and will be 12 in June. She just came out to my wife and I as lesbian two months ago, and we completely support her for being brave enough to tell us. She started a relationship with another girl at school, but...well, the ex-girlfriend of my daughter's girlfriend is manipulating the situation, and yesterday they broke up. My daughter was devastated. I tried to talk to her (I've seen this coming all week) about self-help, guided meditation, and the things I have done in the past to try and help myself. They obviously haven't worked well for me - I'm posting on a suicide forum right now - but I desperately want her to have the support I didn't have when I was a child.

And yet, here I am. I'm studying ctb, have practically memorized the Stan method, and I'm telling my daughter everything is going to be okay. I can't tell you how much I hate myself for being such a hypocrite, for saying one thing to her while living a completely different life online. My wife and I are separated but trying to reconcile; however, we are completely united in the love we have for our daughter, and we spent most of the day talking about what we wanted to do going forward to support our precious little girl.

My youngest daughter is quite literally the only thing keeping me in this world. I want to ctb. After the events of today, I feel like the worst parent in the world, and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've cried when I've thought about her. When she got off the bus, I just held her while I was sobbing. What kind of parent am I to want to ctb when my daughter needs me? If I go, won't that make things so much worse? How can I do that to her?

I'm so sorry. I have cried through this whole post. I know you all don't have any answers for me. I simply had to tell someone how much I was hurting, and this is the only place I can do that. I am so thankful to the mods, the members, and Jean (so wonderful) for providing this safe space for us. But I am so lost right now. I can't think.

One note: I don't have the materials for the SN method yet, so there's no chance of me doing anything impulsive.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I can't even imagine what you guys are going through. If you want to talk pm me.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

But I am so lost right now. I can't think.

That's okay, you're going through a lot. Sorry for your experience, i cannot even imagine what that is like.

When youre in a calmer state of mind, i hope you have a chance to reflect on whether the reconciliation and the emotional needs of your youngest daughter are enough to keep you here for a while longer.

But for now, just feel what you are feeling. It's great that you can cry, keep doing it!

 

[SpaceForGrace]

Reading this is devastating. I am here because of my love for my family - husband and two daughters and parents.

I hope that love you have gives you strength and resolve to do what is best for all of you. Here to talk if you need some.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I'm a truly sorry for what you're going through. To me all of this Is so horrible and painful to go through. In my opinion, if you really want to CTB, then do everything in your will to make your daughter happy in every way possible. If your daughter is actually contemplating suicide at a young age over a break up, then the death of her own father will be even worse for her. I'm sorry if that brings you down or taken in a bad way. I 100% support you on CTB. I don't have any children since I'm just 18 but I am here to talk to (: I wish you the best of luck and hope

 

[Egddios]

We're here for you.

Your story touches on so many of the painful ironies that come with being suicidal. You live for your daughter and also consider suicide yourself. Don't beat yourself up/be hard on yourself for feeling as you do. Your thoughts of suicide don't make you a bad person, parent or not.

Are you and your daughter close? Does she feel comfortable talking with you about her thoughts of suicide? This could potentially bring you closer together. Opening up a dialogue is difficult, yes. Especially when you're hurting and long to be understood. Given her age, I wouldn't recommend telling your daughter ALL of what you're thinking, but if you both are able to relate on a level of experiencing sadness, etc., you may understand not only her but yourself more, too.

 

[Polly]

I'm so sorry. This has to be devastating.

Please don't feel hypocritical. You guys barely know me and you're all trying to keep me going. We do what we can when we can.

Hugs and love to you and your daughter if wanted.

 

[Time]

I've been around since the internet started, and I've always been a lurker. I never start threads. I'll support people or add comments here and there, but posting a thread is not something I normally do.

Today is different. At 10:30 this morning, we got a call from our daughter's school that she had been overheard by a teacher saying she wanted to kill herself.

A little background: she's the youngest of three daughters, and will be 12 in June. She just came out to my wife and I as lesbian two months ago, and we completely support her for being brave enough to tell us. She started a relationship with another girl at school, but...well, the ex-girlfriend of my daughter's girlfriend is manipulating the situation, and yesterday they broke up. My daughter was devastated. I tried to talk to her (I've seen this coming all week) about self-help, guided meditation, and the things I have done in the past to try and help myself. They obviously haven't worked well for me - I'm posting on a suicide forum right now - but I desperately want her to have the support I didn't have when I was a child.

And yet, here I am. I'm studying ctb, have practically memorized the Stan method, and I'm telling my daughter everything is going to be okay. I can't tell you how much I hate myself for being such a hypocrite, for saying one thing to her while living a completely different life online. My wife and I are separated but trying to reconcile; however, we are completely united in the love we have for our daughter, and we spent most of the day talking about what we wanted to do going forward to support our precious little girl.

My youngest daughter is quite literally the only thing keeping me in this world. I want to ctb. After the events of today, I feel like the worst parent in the world, and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've cried when I've thought about her. When she got off the bus, I just held her while I was sobbing. What kind of parent am I to want to ctb when my daughter needs me? If I go, won't that make things so much worse? How can I do that to her?

I'm so sorry. I have cried through this whole post. I know you all don't have any answers for me. I simply had to tell someone how much I was hurting, and this is the only place I can do that. I am so thankful to the mods, the members, and Jean (so wonderful) for providing this safe space for us. But I am so lost right now. I can't think.

One note: I don't have the materials for the SN method yet, so there's no chance of me doing anything impulsive.

Wow. I don't have children or even someone close to me that I know that wants to ctb so I can only imagine what you're going through. But thank you for sharing that & I'm glad that you were able to get it out. Sounds like A LOT to hold in. I just hope that everything works out for the best for everyone involved.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

As harsh as it sounds, what your daughter is going through is not that unusual.

The loss of a first partner sends many teens reeling and when you're that upset, it's easy to reach for the most extreme solution possible.

Talk to her if you can. Ask her what she think would happen if she CTB'ed? What would she want to happen? Let her know some of the things we preach here: impulsive decisions rarely work well, and that CTB will always be there whilst she thinks it through. Then find her a therapist - she might prefer one online.

She may think that she cannot live without her love, but you know she can. She may think that her love will suffer and be filled with regret but there's no guarantee and it won't matter anyway since she'll be gone.

This might not be as severe a crisis as it seems immediately.

As for your CTB? Back burner, dude. You're needed here right now.

 

[LordHector]

It must be insanely difficult for you my man. Changing her school would be a good move---or a bad one. Better than not doing anything at least. Children at that age are un capable of managing these situations most of the time and its not Your fault. Her lesbian orientation plays a extreme role in all of this. Stuff that u can not control, but only help her to Go through, like bullying, and so on. This could be a great chance to show her how good of a dad you are.

 

[Ghost2211]

I understand, my child was bullied quite badly at the age of 5. He has wanted to die ever since. I've been trying to keep him going but much like you I sit here planning my future death. Honestly one reason I don't kill myself is he would likely follow. im sorry you're watching your child suffer.

 

[HadEnough1974]

I've been around since the internet started, and I've always been a lurker. I never start threads. I'll support people or add comments here and there, but posting a thread is not something I normally do.

Today is different. At 10:30 this morning, we got a call from our daughter's school that she had been overheard by a teacher saying she wanted to kill herself.

A little background: she's the youngest of three daughters, and will be 12 in June. She just came out to my wife and I as lesbian two months ago, and we completely support her for being brave enough to tell us. She started a relationship with another girl at school, but...well, the ex-girlfriend of my daughter's girlfriend is manipulating the situation, and yesterday they broke up. My daughter was devastated. I tried to talk to her (I've seen this coming all week) about self-help, guided meditation, and the things I have done in the past to try and help myself. They obviously haven't worked well for me - I'm posting on a suicide forum right now - but I desperately want her to have the support I didn't have when I was a child.

And yet, here I am. I'm studying ctb, have practically memorized the Stan method, and I'm telling my daughter everything is going to be okay. I can't tell you how much I hate myself for being such a hypocrite, for saying one thing to her while living a completely different life online. My wife and I are separated but trying to reconcile; however, we are completely united in the love we have for our daughter, and we spent most of the day talking about what we wanted to do going forward to support our precious little girl.

My youngest daughter is quite literally the only thing keeping me in this world. I want to ctb. After the events of today, I feel like the worst parent in the world, and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've cried when I've thought about her. When she got off the bus, I just held her while I was sobbing. What kind of parent am I to want to ctb when my daughter needs me? If I go, won't that make things so much worse? How can I do that to her?

I'm so sorry. I have cried through this whole post. I know you all don't have any answers for me. I simply had to tell someone how much I was hurting, and this is the only place I can do that. I am so thankful to the mods, the members, and Jean (so wonderful) for providing this safe space for us. But I am so lost right now. I can't think.

One note: I don't have the materials for the SN method yet, so there's no chance of me doing anything impulsive.

Please read the PM I sent you.

 

[hershberger]

Thank you all for the kind replies. Today is a little bit better; the shock of the whole thing is wearing off, and my wife and I are being extremely proactive about getting help for her. We are doing everything we can.

One major thing I forgot to mention in my original post was that I threatened to kill myself last July, and I was voluntarily committed for three days. It's my fear that she saw the attention I got - not necessarily good attention, but still - and did the same to express how upset she was. I don't know that for sure, though.

To answer some specific comments:

Backwood: yes, this will probably keep me here longer. I don't even have a ctb date or time frame...my plan was to go if my personal/professional life continued to spiral downward.

HorribleFeelings1: I'm so sorry that you're having these feelings at such a young age, but you're right: if I ctb, the effect would be more devastating for her than anyone else.

Egddios: my daughter and I are close. She probably likes my wife a bit better because they go out and eat/hang out together much more. It's hard for me to be in crowded areas, so sometimes I simply can't go with them. My daughter is aware of my problems, and over the past month I've talked to her more about some of my own issues. I try to explain them in a simpler way, and I always think about showing empathy instead of sympathy. She has been wanting to stay with me more and more in recent weeks (I'm at my parents' house during the separation), which is just a half mile from our house. The irony is that being around her makes me feel better, and vice versa. We're two depressed people trying to talk things out.

Princess: thank you. Yes, my ctb is completely off the table right now. I will talk to her about ctb and the danger of impulsive actions. (From this forum, I learned my plan in July would have almost certainly failed, so I can speak from experience.)

LordHector: we are considering changing schools. We live close to the North Carolina/South Carolina border, and have already talked about moving from NC to SC because their school system has an online program. Who would have ever thought South Carolina would be the more progressive state?

Again, thank you all. I'll still be around. No matter where you are in your ctb plan, this is a wonderful forum for support and information.

 

[less than]

I feel with you. I am also a parent.
Only you know in which way and how openly you can speak to her, depending on her age and cognitive development. It might be an opportunity to talk to each other without the usual platitudes and without taboos. May be your knowledge and your empathy helps her better to understand her feelings and thoughts and to cope with it.
I hope the best for you and your connection with your daughter and I wish her the best for her future..

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

It seems like you're getting a handle on things, and I'm so glad. Remember, we're here if you need us.

 

[purplemoon]

I've been around since the internet started, and I've always been a lurker. I never start threads. I'll support people or add comments here and there, but posting a thread is not something I normally do.

Today is different. At 10:30 this morning, we got a call from our daughter's school that she had been overheard by a teacher saying she wanted to kill herself.

A little background: she's the youngest of three daughters, and will be 12 in June. She just came out to my wife and I as lesbian two months ago, and we completely support her for being brave enough to tell us. She started a relationship with another girl at school, but...well, the ex-girlfriend of my daughter's girlfriend is manipulating the situation, and yesterday they broke up. My daughter was devastated. I tried to talk to her (I've seen this coming all week) about self-help, guided meditation, and the things I have done in the past to try and help myself. They obviously haven't worked well for me - I'm posting on a suicide forum right now - but I desperately want her to have the support I didn't have when I was a child.

And yet, here I am. I'm studying ctb, have practically memorized the Stan method, and I'm telling my daughter everything is going to be okay. I can't tell you how much I hate myself for being such a hypocrite, for saying one thing to her while living a completely different life online. My wife and I are separated but trying to reconcile; however, we are completely united in the love we have for our daughter, and we spent most of the day talking about what we wanted to do going forward to support our precious little girl.

My youngest daughter is quite literally the only thing keeping me in this world. I want to ctb. After the events of today, I feel like the worst parent in the world, and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've cried when I've thought about her. When she got off the bus, I just held her while I was sobbing. What kind of parent am I to want to ctb when my daughter needs me? If I go, won't that make things so much worse? How can I do that to her?

I'm so sorry. I have cried through this whole post. I know you all don't have any answers for me. I simply had to tell someone how much I was hurting, and this is the only place I can do that. I am so thankful to the mods, the members, and Jean (so wonderful) for providing this safe space for us. But I am so lost right now. I can't think.

One note: I don't have the materials for the SN method yet, so there's no chance of me doing anything impulsive.

The fact that you held her and showed her how much you love her as a father is actually very beautiful and sweet.

I'm sure that it's makes a difference in a positive way even though it may not show just now. You as an adult wanting to catch the bus is completely different than a 12-year-old.

I am totally for preventing anyone catching the bus if they are a kid/preteen/adolescent.
I would say you're very wise to let her know that you support her, that she can talk to you about anything in the world, and definitely that you accepted her coming out as a lesbian.
But the Most wonderful thing in the world goes beyond anything material, and you already said that you're doing that which is making it very clear that you love her and you want to reassure her that she can tell you anything, absolutely anything in the world and you will still be there for her and accept her just the way she is.

Instead of being so hard on yourself, possibly please consider just focusing completely on her, no point in torturing yourself more than once.

Just surround your girl with lots of love. She'll feel it, even if she doesn't verbalize it, it's making a difference.

 

[Jean4]

As for your CTB? Back burner, dude. You're needed here right now.

Yes, we are pro choice and nobody here will stop you. However, Princess said it all.

When things settle down, if you like, pm me and we can talk. I have a lot of experience and relate to your situation.

Again. I'm not telling you what to do. Stan told me it isn't my time. With a hug I am saying to you consider not doing anything for your daughter.

I am saying this because of you obvious love and concern for your daughter. If it was your time, the pain would be so great you wouldn't be able to think about your daughter's issues.

I am here if you need me, and you are a great parent. Your daughter is lucky to have you.

 

[purplemoon]

As harsh as it sounds, what your daughter is going through is not that unusual.

The loss of a first partner sends many teens reeling and when you're that upset, it's easy to reach for the most extreme solution possible.

Talk to her if you can. Ask her what she think would happen if she CTB'ed? What would she want to happen? Let her know some of the things we preach here: impulsive decisions rarely work well, and that CTB will always be there whilst she thinks it through. Then find her a therapist - she might prefer one online.

She may think that she cannot live without her love, but you know she can. She may think that her love will suffer and be filled with regret but there's no guarantee and it won't matter anyway since she'll be gone.

This might not be as severe a crisis as it seems immediately.

As for your CTB? Back burner, dude. You're needed here right now.

i'm voting for exactly what @UpandDownPrincess said verbatim...

"As for your CTB? Back burner, dude. You're needed here right now."

That's Perfectly articulated...

 

[Deathwish1968]

I know the feeling of guilt and that we have not done enough. I go through it everyday. If you want, you can PM me.

 

[hershberger]

Thank you all so much. My wife talked for a long time today, and we are completely united in our support for our daughter. Choosing ctb is clearly a personal decision. Having said that, I'll do whatever I can to support my daughter. She is the center of my universe, and I will do everything in my power to support her.

Despite the sadness of seeing people leave, I love this forum. Thank you all so much.

 

[truthseeker]

I don't have any words of wisdom but I am also a father. I have a daughter. If you'd like to discuss anything or if you think it would help in any way, you are most welcome to PM.

 

[Final Escape]

I've been around since the internet started, and I've always been a lurker. I never start threads. I'll support people or add comments here and there, but posting a thread is not something I normally do.

Today is different. At 10:30 this morning, we got a call from our daughter's school that she had been overheard by a teacher saying she wanted to kill herself.

A little background: she's the youngest of three daughters, and will be 12 in June. She just came out to my wife and I as lesbian two months ago, and we completely support her for being brave enough to tell us. She started a relationship with another girl at school, but...well, the ex-girlfriend of my daughter's girlfriend is manipulating the situation, and yesterday they broke up. My daughter was devastated. I tried to talk to her (I've seen this coming all week) about self-help, guided meditation, and the things I have done in the past to try and help myself. They obviously haven't worked well for me - I'm posting on a suicide forum right now - but I desperately want her to have the support I didn't have when I was a child.

And yet, here I am. I'm studying ctb, have practically memorized the Stan method, and I'm telling my daughter everything is going to be okay. I can't tell you how much I hate myself for being such a hypocrite, for saying one thing to her while living a completely different life online. My wife and I are separated but trying to reconcile; however, we are completely united in the love we have for our daughter, and we spent most of the day talking about what we wanted to do going forward to support our precious little girl.

My youngest daughter is quite literally the only thing keeping me in this world. I want to ctb. After the events of today, I feel like the worst parent in the world, and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've cried when I've thought about her. When she got off the bus, I just held her while I was sobbing. What kind of parent am I to want to ctb when my daughter needs me? If I go, won't that make things so much worse? How can I do that to her?

I'm so sorry. I have cried through this whole post. I know you all don't have any answers for me. I simply had to tell someone how much I was hurting, and this is the only place I can do that. I am so thankful to the mods, the members, and Jean (so wonderful) for providing this safe space for us. But I am so lost right now. I can't think.

One note: I don't have the materials for the SN method yet, so there's no chance of me doing anything impulsive.

You should not be so hard on yourself, or compare your suffering to your daughter's. I'm sure your daughter is effected by the separation of you and her mom. That's something a lot of people underestimate. That it doesn't mess kids up. Isn't age 12 a little young to be dating? I mean they shouldn't even be trying to be hooking up yet at that young of age. She should be focusing on being a kid still. I'm sorry to criticize but yea she's not mature enough to handle that yet. But yea if u don't see her all the time and nobody is paying attention since her parents are split up there's nobody to enforce things. Typically it's dad that puts foot down not mom. It would be better for her if you guys were back together in the same home but I realize it's like harder these days. It's hard to access therapy or counseling to help keep couples together. Our society is more interested in incentives to increase breaking up marriages and relationships. Even coming out as a lesbian at 12 would be questionable to me. Like what brought that on? I'm not saying she can't legit feel affection towards other girls but it just seems kind of young to be totally sure that she's not maybe just trying out what's trendy these days. A lot of kids now think they are gay and trans and they really might be confused and especially if they had experienced some trauma at some point. There's a lot of brainwashing on young kids now in the government schools so they may not even understand what's going on with them. They now tell kids u can be a gender other than the one you were born as. The problem here is that u can't choose your gender. You're either a male or female and born with the proclivities and hormone makeup of that sex. But u can pretend to be the opposite sex I guess, but u still will have the psychological and physical makeup of the sex u were born as.

 

[BPD Barbie]

PM me when you get chance OK I'm so sorry I know how it's been for you lately and you were trying so, so hard to work through the issues and problems. You know you're not the worst parent. You're doing the best you can and you know your daughter loves you. It's hard when they come out with things like this, especially when it hits so close to what you're already feeling. Sending love to you both

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

You should not be so hard on yourself, or compare your suffering to your daughter's. I'm sure your daughter is effected by the separation of you and her mom. That's something a lot of people underestimate. That it doesn't mess kids up. Isn't age 12 a little young to be dating? I mean they shouldn't even be trying to be hooking up yet at that young of age. She should be focusing on being a kid still. I'm sorry to criticize but yea she's not mature enough to handle that yet. But yea if u don't see her all the time and nobody is paying attention since her parents are split up there's nobody to enforce things. Typically it's dad that puts foot down not mom. It would be better for her if you guys were back together in the same home but I realize it's like harder these days. It's hard to access therapy or counseling to help keep couples together. Our society is more interested in incentives to increase breaking up marriages and relationships. Even coming out as a lesbian at 12 would be questionable to me. Like what brought that on? I'm not saying she can't legit feel affection towards other girls but it just seems kind of young to be totally sure that she's not maybe just trying out what's trendy these days. A lot of kids now think they are gay and trans and they really might be confused and especially if they had experienced some trauma at some point. There's a lot of brainwashing on young kids now in the government schools so they may not even understand what's going on with them. They now tell kids u can be a gender other than the one you were born as. The problem here is that u can't choose your gender. You're either a male or female and born with the proclivities and hormone makeup of that sex. But u can pretend to be the opposite sex I guess, but u still will have the psychological and physical makeup of the sex u were born as.

Nobody even mentioned transgender but you chose to attack trans people identity with no apparent reason.
For your information: here about 11 percent of users are trans.
And this is a safe place for everyone. Go spew your transphobic views somewhere else!

 

[Final Escape]

Was not attacking trans, but just saying it is encouraged now in society more and I suspect it's because they don't want people to have kids. If u can convince a young child that they aren't the sex they were born as and u start the process of hormones and sex change surgery, they often regret it later and then can't have kids if they want a family one day. It's not a good idea to tell a very young person u can be any sex u choose. There's serious repruccsions than can destroy their life down the road. So I'm saying this because I do want people to understand that gender dysphoria can be something that was caused by some trauma or something. I myself wanted to be a boy from the time I was very young but I knew I wasn't. Even though I was a tomboy as a young person I knew I was female and once I hit 16 or so I began to get attention from boys and I felt like ok yes this feels right. So if I had been told that I'm a little boy or I can decide to become one wow! That might have screwed me up. Sorry if it came across offensive guys. This is why I said when a very young person comes out as gay like a very young kid like 11. It could be to get attention or some other reason but kids that young might change their mind and that should not be discouraged. They will likely have an easier life if they can behave in a way that nature intended for their natural born gender.

 

[Polly]

Was not attacking trans, but just saying it is encouraged now in society more and I suspect it's because they don't want people to have kids. If u can convince a young child that they aren't the sex they were born as and u start the process of hormones and sex change surgery, they often regret it later and then can't have kids if they want a family one day. It's not a good idea to tell a very young person u can be any sex u choose. There's serious repruccsions than can destroy their life down the road. So I'm saying this because I do want people to understand that gender dysphoria can be something that was caused by some trauma or something. I myself wanted to be a boy from the time I was very young but I knew I wasn't. Even though I was a tomboy as a young person I knew I was female and once I hit 16 or so I began to get attention from boys and I felt like ok yes this feels right. So if I had been told that I'm a little boy or I can decide to become one wow! That might have screwed me up. Sorry if it came across offensive guys. This is why I said when a very young person comes out as gay like a very young kid like 11. It could be to get attention or some other reason but kids that young might change their mind and that should not be discouraged. They will likely have an easier life if they can behave in a way that nature intended for their natural born gender.

@Final Escape just as I believe we have a right to choose, I believe that everyone gets to define their own gender and sexual orientation. It may change over time. It may not.

I believe society is better if we respect how people identify themselves in the current moment.

 

[WhiteEyes]

Was not attacking trans, but just saying it is encouraged now in society more and I suspect it's because they don't want people to have kids. If u can convince a young child that they aren't the sex they were born as and u start the process of hormones and sex change surgery, they often regret it later and then can't have kids if they want a family one day. It's not a good idea to tell a very young person u can be any sex u choose. There's serious repruccsions than can destroy their life down the road. So I'm saying this because I do want people to understand that gender dysphoria can be something that was caused by some trauma or something. I myself wanted to be a boy from the time I was very young but I knew I wasn't. Even though I was a tomboy as a young person I knew I was female and once I hit 16 or so I began to get attention from boys and I felt like ok yes this feels right. So if I had been told that I'm a little boy or I can decide to become one wow! That might have screwed me up. Sorry if it came across offensive guys. This is why I said when a very young person comes out as gay like a very young kid like 11. It could be to get attention or some other reason but kids that young might change their mind and that should not be discouraged. They will likely have an easier life if they can behave in a way that nature intended for their natural born gender.

I think you might be coming from a good place. But you need to understand if everyone accepted transgenderism/transsexualism/social transition and all legal sexual orientations, there would be little chance of it causing trauma.
I agree it can cause damage in this current political climate.
But if everyone was supportive (which may be impossible) then the damage would be reduced.

 

[Final Escape]

There used to be a trans guy on here who got a sex change and he regretted it and was suicidal over it. He kept getting told he was girly growing up so he decided maybe he should just become a girl. He had a pic of the guy from the doors as his avatar. This is why I think people need to be very careful about telling young kids they can be whatever gender or parents wanting a child of a different sex and then dressing the kid up in the opposite sex clothes. This would classify as abuse of course. Dani Paradox was his name in here. He would talk about how he wished he could have sex with a girl again but his member was gone obviously. I really miss him I think he was an interesting guy on here. Might still be on discord.

 

[shadowchaser]

@hershberger I'm so sorry for what you're going through <3 I know it's difficult, but try not to blame yourself. As you are probably aware of (being on this site) there are many factors in wanting to ctb, and she is going through a lot right now, which is certainly not your fault. You're doing everything you can to help her and I'm sure you have already made a difference in showing her how much support she has.

I'm sorry your thread has turned topics, and I hope from now on we can return to supporting you and your daughter

 

[S1mpleme]

I've been around since the internet started, and I've always been a lurker. I never start threads. I'll support people or add comments here and there, but posting a thread is not something I normally do.

Today is different. At 10:30 this morning, we got a call from our daughter's school that she had been overheard by a teacher saying she wanted to kill herself.

A little background: she's the youngest of three daughters, and will be 12 in June. She just came out to my wife and I as lesbian two months ago, and we completely support her for being brave enough to tell us. She started a relationship with another girl at school, but...well, the ex-girlfriend of my daughter's girlfriend is manipulating the situation, and yesterday they broke up. My daughter was devastated. I tried to talk to her (I've seen this coming all week) about self-help, guided meditation, and the things I have done in the past to try and help myself. They obviously haven't worked well for me - I'm posting on a suicide forum right now - but I desperately want her to have the support I didn't have when I was a child.

And yet, here I am. I'm studying ctb, have practically memorized the Stan method, and I'm telling my daughter everything is going to be okay. I can't tell you how much I hate myself for being such a hypocrite, for saying one thing to her while living a completely different life online. My wife and I are separated but trying to reconcile; however, we are completely united in the love we have for our daughter, and we spent most of the day talking about what we wanted to do going forward to support our precious little girl.

My youngest daughter is quite literally the only thing keeping me in this world. I want to ctb. After the events of today, I feel like the worst parent in the world, and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've cried when I've thought about her. When she got off the bus, I just held her while I was sobbing. What kind of parent am I to want to ctb when my daughter needs me? If I go, won't that make things so much worse? How can I do that to her?

I'm so sorry. I have cried through this whole post. I know you all don't have any answers for me. I simply had to tell someone how much I was hurting, and this is the only place I can do that. I am so thankful to the mods, the members, and Jean (so wonderful) for providing this safe space for us. But I am so lost right now. I can't think.

One note: I don't have the materials for the SN method yet, so there's no chance of me doing anything impulsive.

She's 12, I would never let my daughter to have relationships is this age, she's a kid. I understand friends, but boyfriend or girlfriend - why? You have 3 daughters but have feelings only to the youngest one? If I had a daughter, and especially 3, I would never CTB. Did you ask her why she wanted to kill herself?