I consider the last meeting with this autistic woman from my self-help group a date I think.
I want to say something. I am culturally not extremely progressive. I am pro-trans, pro-feminism and anti-capitalism. The same values she shares. But she is very much into intersectionality. ANd reads these authors a lot.
For people who are not familiar with this concept the following is the defintion: intersectionality, in social theory, the interaction and cumulative effects of multiple forms of discrimination affecting the daily lives of individuals, particularly women of color. The term also refers more broadly to an intellectual framework for understanding how various aspects of individual identity—including race, gender, social class, and sexuality—interact to create unique experiences of privilege or oppression.
We had an extremely deep and amazing discussion. It was obvious she is extremely intelligent also emotionally. I had the feeling she was pretty good in reading me. There were some tensions though. First, of all I think her interest probably started when she saw me posting a gender inclusive pro-palestine flyer. I wasn't the person who created that flyer but I contributed to it. We wanted a pro-palestine protest and at the same time not including extremists. And gender-inclusive language was good for that. It actually worked.
I think another thing she appreciated. I anticipated she was sexually abused. I only know she has CPTSD but for me its obvious there was something like that. I met many women with similar traumata. And I am very cautious not to approach women physcially in a sleezy way. I try to respect boundaries. And for physcial contact it needs consent in my opinion. And when I don't know a woman good enough then there is no consent. I think many women I met liked this approach. But some women might consider it overanxious. I met many traumatized women I have to admit.
The political debate with her was great. But there were some tensions at one point. I told her my favorite authors and she said these are probably, only old white men. And I agreed with her in this instance. I think David Foster Wallace barely wrote or reflected about his own privileges. And he certainly had a problematic private life. I noticed the mood was pretty good thus far but it was something that bugged her. She said how she stopped the contact with other people who couldn't deal with criticism like that on their favorite authors. Personally, I tried to stay calm and reflective. As I said I agreed that DFW is not reflecting enough about his privileges and this is something I noticed too. I asked her whether in her opinion one should seperate the literature of an author and his or her private life. I think she was slightly annoyed because she suspected this discussion might lead to a controvery and potentially end the meeiting in a heated argument Her answer was it depends on how evil the action of an author were and how much its reflected in his or her literature. I told her that's a fair point. She gave an example J.K. Rowling. And just by saying her name I told her I fully agree with her in this instance without any doubt. We gossiped together about J.K. Rowling then.
She liked that. I told her how I came in contact with DFW, that he had a very troubled life, that he showed the human abyss in his work, gave insights in dark thoughts and I didn't knew about his private life when I read the first short stories. I told her my first story (which I loved) was about antidepressants and how it feels to be depressed. And that it felt so relatable and completely immersive. I was in a major depression to that time.
The discussion continued. We talked about the literature German students read in school. And she picked one of my favorite books we read in class from my favorite author that I read to that time. She told me it is highly problematic to read such literature with way too young students. It normalizes e.g. incest which is portrayed in the book. My reply was I think the educational system wants to confront students with ethically problematic topics to prepare them for the social reality. And that the students need to learn to contextualize such content. I admitted though that most teacher probably fail in doing that. She wasn't content with my answer. She had systemic issues with the choices of books. Only old white men as authors. No women, no intersectional books, no books from minorities. I agreed with her that she probably has a point that there is a bias in the choice of books.
By the way this was the biggest controversy in our 3,5 hours long conversation. There was mostly harmony. But on this issue I noticed some tensions because it is part of her identity and highly important to her. I think it was a good approach to handle our disagreement in an empathic and openminded way. Without feeling offended when she criticizes books or authors I like.
Later, I told her about my upbringing. That I was raised in a conservative and racist family. Told her about my far right dad. And I told her with full honesty: "In the way I was raised I probably learned to accept things that shouldn't be accepted (ethically)." I think she really liked my answer. I agreed with the points that she made. And that they are very legitimate. But I think in my family we never discussed such topics. I know so many racist things my parents said and I somewhat adapted to that as teenager. I never became fully aware of forms social injustice for certain minorities.
From the things I explained here this might sound like a controversy or that this was like a major deal breaker for her. But I am pretty sure she enjoyed the conversation. She told me that after our meeting and again the next day as a text message.
I wanted to be honest with her about my opinion. And I didn't want to pretend to not actually having my standpoint on this.
I am willing to learn more about this. I knew some names of intersectional academics and watched a couple of long interviews. I am certainly not against it. But personally I am more into geopolitics, media analysis and analyzing the far right. Intersectional literature isn't as important to me as these other issues. But this is also a product of my own biography.
I want to say something. I am culturally not extremely progressive. I am pro-trans, pro-feminism and anti-capitalism. The same values she shares. But she is very much into intersectionality. ANd reads these authors a lot.
For people who are not familiar with this concept the following is the defintion: intersectionality, in social theory, the interaction and cumulative effects of multiple forms of discrimination affecting the daily lives of individuals, particularly women of color. The term also refers more broadly to an intellectual framework for understanding how various aspects of individual identity—including race, gender, social class, and sexuality—interact to create unique experiences of privilege or oppression.
We had an extremely deep and amazing discussion. It was obvious she is extremely intelligent also emotionally. I had the feeling she was pretty good in reading me. There were some tensions though. First, of all I think her interest probably started when she saw me posting a gender inclusive pro-palestine flyer. I wasn't the person who created that flyer but I contributed to it. We wanted a pro-palestine protest and at the same time not including extremists. And gender-inclusive language was good for that. It actually worked.
I think another thing she appreciated. I anticipated she was sexually abused. I only know she has CPTSD but for me its obvious there was something like that. I met many women with similar traumata. And I am very cautious not to approach women physcially in a sleezy way. I try to respect boundaries. And for physcial contact it needs consent in my opinion. And when I don't know a woman good enough then there is no consent. I think many women I met liked this approach. But some women might consider it overanxious. I met many traumatized women I have to admit.
The political debate with her was great. But there were some tensions at one point. I told her my favorite authors and she said these are probably, only old white men. And I agreed with her in this instance. I think David Foster Wallace barely wrote or reflected about his own privileges. And he certainly had a problematic private life. I noticed the mood was pretty good thus far but it was something that bugged her. She said how she stopped the contact with other people who couldn't deal with criticism like that on their favorite authors. Personally, I tried to stay calm and reflective. As I said I agreed that DFW is not reflecting enough about his privileges and this is something I noticed too. I asked her whether in her opinion one should seperate the literature of an author and his or her private life. I think she was slightly annoyed because she suspected this discussion might lead to a controvery and potentially end the meeiting in a heated argument Her answer was it depends on how evil the action of an author were and how much its reflected in his or her literature. I told her that's a fair point. She gave an example J.K. Rowling. And just by saying her name I told her I fully agree with her in this instance without any doubt. We gossiped together about J.K. Rowling then.
She liked that. I told her how I came in contact with DFW, that he had a very troubled life, that he showed the human abyss in his work, gave insights in dark thoughts and I didn't knew about his private life when I read the first short stories. I told her my first story (which I loved) was about antidepressants and how it feels to be depressed. And that it felt so relatable and completely immersive. I was in a major depression to that time.
The discussion continued. We talked about the literature German students read in school. And she picked one of my favorite books we read in class from my favorite author that I read to that time. She told me it is highly problematic to read such literature with way too young students. It normalizes e.g. incest which is portrayed in the book. My reply was I think the educational system wants to confront students with ethically problematic topics to prepare them for the social reality. And that the students need to learn to contextualize such content. I admitted though that most teacher probably fail in doing that. She wasn't content with my answer. She had systemic issues with the choices of books. Only old white men as authors. No women, no intersectional books, no books from minorities. I agreed with her that she probably has a point that there is a bias in the choice of books.
By the way this was the biggest controversy in our 3,5 hours long conversation. There was mostly harmony. But on this issue I noticed some tensions because it is part of her identity and highly important to her. I think it was a good approach to handle our disagreement in an empathic and openminded way. Without feeling offended when she criticizes books or authors I like.
Later, I told her about my upbringing. That I was raised in a conservative and racist family. Told her about my far right dad. And I told her with full honesty: "In the way I was raised I probably learned to accept things that shouldn't be accepted (ethically)." I think she really liked my answer. I agreed with the points that she made. And that they are very legitimate. But I think in my family we never discussed such topics. I know so many racist things my parents said and I somewhat adapted to that as teenager. I never became fully aware of forms social injustice for certain minorities.
From the things I explained here this might sound like a controversy or that this was like a major deal breaker for her. But I am pretty sure she enjoyed the conversation. She told me that after our meeting and again the next day as a text message.
I wanted to be honest with her about my opinion. And I didn't want to pretend to not actually having my standpoint on this.
I am willing to learn more about this. I knew some names of intersectional academics and watched a couple of long interviews. I am certainly not against it. But personally I am more into geopolitics, media analysis and analyzing the far right. Intersectional literature isn't as important to me as these other issues. But this is also a product of my own biography.
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