Venting Damn it all (im sorry for the language)

[Shinbu]

I feel so awful I can't even sleep because I feel sick. My bones feel weak, I feel some mucus in my throat, and I just want to ctb so bad. I'm fed up with society. We need people to open their eyes, forcing someone to live is terrible, maybe if everyone noticed we will get somewhere as a society!. I didn't sign up for this. More suffering awaits for me in the future just fucking great, and I live in a fucked up society. Screw the consciousness!. I can't wait to throw that away when my time comes. Sorry mom life isn't for me. You, and dad created me against my will. Both of you didn't think about the society you would put me in!. Because if you did it would be a society that gives everyone the right to die. Fuck lust!.

 

[imagineit]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Has something specific happened or is this the culmination of it all? What do you do when you need to escape the moment?

 

[Shinbu]

I got to be frank. Just knowing all the pain comes from the conscious scares me. If I didn't have a conscious I wouldn't have to experience it. Everyone is destined to feel the same pain at some point. I don't want to go through any common hardships, or any in general. Just existing is painful to me. I'm going to skip those common hardships. I don't want to lose anyone again, and feel the other hardships that awaits me in the future. I'm trying my best to prevent that, and protect myself from any further hurt by ctb. I can prevent the inevitable hardships by checking out. I ain't going to see my mom get sick and, die, then I get old. I don't want to grieve over my mom's death. I hate hunger, and thirst. I hate sickness, and I hate pain. These things are possible because I have a body, and a psyche. I feel like I'm in a cage in this society. I crave non existence, but my desire isn't enough to be qualified for maid. I don't even have maid in my state T_T.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Has something specific happened or is this the culmination of it all? What do you do when you need to escape the moment?

I use escapism to get away from my suffering. My joy is weakening I don't get the same amount of joy anymore. I feel dead inside. It is the culmination of all my bottled experiences that lead me to this point in life.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear all about that, and don't worry about the language, it's all a part of the venting to let off the steam and tension.

 

[imagineit]

I got to be frank. Just knowing all the pain comes from the conscious scares me. If I didn't have a conscious I wouldn't have to experience it. Everyone is destined to feel the same pain at some point. I don't want to go through any common hardships, or any in general. Just existing is painful to me. I'm going to skip those common hardships. I don't want to lose anyone again, and feel the other hardships that awaits me in the future. I'm trying my best to prevent that, and protect myself from any further hurt by ctb. I can prevent the inevitable hardships by checking out. I ain't going to see my mom get sick and, die, then I get old. I don't want to grieve over my mom's death. I hate hunger, and thirst. I hate sickness, and I hate pain. These things are possible because I have a body, and a psyche. I feel like I'm in a cage in this society. I crave non existence, but my desire isn't enough to be qualified for maid. I don't even have maid in my state T_T.

I use escapism to get away from my suffering. My joy is weakening I don't get the same amount of joy anymore. I feel dead inside. It is the culmination of all my bottled experiences that lead me to this point in life.

I ask because you are so young. There is so much time in front of you; tired but true. What that time might involve is anyone's guess. That is part of the experience. If these feelings are stemming more from just general realization, I can appreciate that. I used to exist in this headspace, just hating everything. It is an unfortunate place to be in that all you can really do is dwell on the negative. There is only so much to be gained from that. Maybe some of these bottled up experiences need to be scrutinized, either by yourself or someone who has appropriate credentials. There is a way to exist and be at something of an understanding with the harsh realities of life. You'll have to decide if you think you can get there. I hope you can get to wherever it is you need to be.