DAE Received tough love?

[Symbiote]

One thing I noticed about myself vs other people in the same realm of suicide and depression is how we receive help. Friend A for example is down and depressed, he gets hugs and an outlet to vent from his friends and family. If I do the same thing, I receive tough love or toxic positivity. This past weekend, my wife brings up every now and then that I'm depressed, and that I'm very negative. I get the whole spiel of needing to change my attitude on things and speak more positive, think more positive. I need to join the real world and stop living in fantasy land all the time. Okay....that doesn't make any sense because I do have a job, I take care of the household stuff, and so on. It's these reasons why I have no friends or family members because no one wants to be around me. Ok fine, then they don't have to, I say. I'm not asking for friends or trying to make friends, I value integrity and quality over quantity.

If Friend A expressed the same things as I did, I realized that Friend A receives better advice, maybe a bit of validation and a shoulder to cry on. I'm told to suck it up, no one cares, and stop being a pussy ass bitch about stuff. Friend A never really makes it into the suicidal phase because they have healthy supports. I attempted 7 times in my life and continue to do so because I have no support. Tough love has only made me cold and extremely critical of myself when I mess up because it lessens the blow somewhat when someone else tells me the same thing.

Anyone ever notice this with people around them and then when it comes to you, it's like you're magnet to receive tough love or commentary from people who seem like they're sick of your shit? And how do you deal with that?

Thanks all!

 

[rs929]

I don't think it's because they're evil, or they don't care or they don't love you. It's just that the amount of shit we're used to deal with is beyond the human tolerable threshold.

"Normal" aka non depressed people receive a tiny bit dose of all that suffering and they're like "I don't want anything to do with this".

I don't think they're unable to empathize because they don't care. It's just because it's too much.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

That's the reason why I don't anymore tell anyone about my thoughts and if I'm living hard times. None is giving emphaty to me, so why bother. Even when I was in hospital after my latest attempt, my friend chose to tell me how selfish I'm because I was going to left she here and my family...

If I have problems in my relationship, usually my friend tell me that reason of those problems are me somehow and everyone else are doing right things. It's hard because I know that isn't true.

So I handle that situation by being silent. That's annoying because I'm emphatic person but somehow people around me don't be like that to me. Atm I'm don't know what to think or do, but can't tell anyone because I just hear that everything is OK and no need to do anything. "Don't feel, don't think, don't change things. We all live hard times"...

 

[Symbiote]

Thanks for the answers everyone. It does resonate with me that the only way to deal with this is just be silent around them and not let them in about your true intentions because they will on purpose make you feel worse or less than. Something about us that makes people hesitant to help until it's too late or maybe they really have no empathy to give because of how they see you. I'm not like Friend A. That dude is awesome, he helps others out and it's just every once in a blue moon he's down. Friend A on the other hand comes to me for real answers because even though he gets hugs and compliments, it's all smoke and mirrors to him and doesn't help him much even though he likes it.