dad is kinda freaking me out

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

So......a lot has happened. But there is more (holy shit)

so, after ending up in school I had a break down
I am tired of pretending I am ok and happy
tired of smiling around my family when I want to shoot myself everyday
and mostly tired of my brother and dad
so out of desperation I wrote my dad a text about how I wanted to kill myself

I was scared. I didnt know what to expect

After talking to my therapist who assured me I would be fine, my dad responded with having gotten in contact with our family doctor and got info about therapy for my brother

He didnt treat me any differently when I got home, and even casually asked if I was ok. But I wonder what hes really thinking. I mean his own daughter told him she wanted to kill herself.

 

[Good4Nothing]

If he has any kind of conscience, he's probably doing some soul searching.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

If he has any kind of conscience, he's probably doing some soul searching.

I hope. my school got back to me and said if I need a place to escape they will have a dorm for me. so I have an option there.

a few min ago he was like "how are you" I was like "ok just a tummy ache" awkward

 

[SuicideBoys93]

If your father's worry weirded you out I'm assuming you guys don't have the best relationship.. not attempting to bring anything up but if you look at it through his perspective you are his child, and I'm sure he loves and cares for you. Maybe this could potentially be a wake-up call for your father?

 

[Ghost2211]

That's really good news about school housing.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

If your father's worry weirded you out I'm assuming you guys don't have the best relationship.. not attempting to bring anything up but if you look at it through his perspective you are his child, and I'm sure he loves and cares for you. Maybe this could potentially be a wake-up call for your father?

Its not so much his worrying its just I always anticipate somethign bad happening

well he told me my brother will get counseling

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Its not so much his worrying its just I always anticipate somethign bad happening

well he told me my brother will get counseling

Counseling is a good thing! I really hope it works out for you.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

my dad asked me If I was alright with a smile. I wonder If he is really worried about me. or maybe hes trying to cheer me up I dunno

 

[Ghost2211]

Considering what you've said about him in the past I don't think he took you literally when you said you wanted to die.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Considering what you've said about him in the past I don't think he took you literally when you said you wanted to die.

probably you're right...

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

my dad asked me If I was alright with a smile. I wonder If he is really worried about me. or maybe hes trying to cheer me up I dunno

Well, there's the opportunity to talk about issues, such as asking, "Why do you ask?" or honestly saying you're not all right. He seems to not be able to directly follow up, but give openings for continuing the discussion, in an indirect way. Maybe I'm wrong about that, I don't know him, but it seems from the outside that he could be trying to open up communication about what you said. Am I off about that, do you think?

 

[SweetSurrender]

Dads can be weird, especially if they themselves didn't have good role model with their own fathers. My dad is kind of like that. I get the feeling my grandfather was a pretty harsh man. Last time I ODed I stayed with my parents for a bit after. When I finally went back to my own apartment, as my dad was dropping me off he told me "not to do anything silly". Which is kind of weird to say don't try and kill yourself. But I know he meant well. He has his own problems and he's not the best at expressing his feelings.

I dunno actually what your situation is, but sometimes the people closest to us have a ton of shit underneath that we don't know about. It could be he's trying and he's just shitty at it. And even though it affects you, it maybe about his issues not yours.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Dads can be weird, especially if they themselves didn't have good role model with their own fathers. My dad is kind of like that. I get the feeling my grandfather was a pretty harsh man. Last time I ODed I stayed with my parents for a bit after. When I finally went back to my own apartment, as my dad was dropping me off he told me "not to do anything silly". Which is kind of weird to say don't try and kill yourself. But I know he meant well. He has his own problems and he's not the best at expressing his feelings.

I dunno actually what your situation is, but sometimes the people closest to us have a ton of shit underneath that we don't know about. It could be he's trying and he's just shitty at it. And even though it affects you, it maybe about his issues not yours.

What you said about your grandpa was so relatable

I openly questioned my dad about his response to the text I sent him. He admitted he felt sorry for me that I was suffering this much but felt that wanting to die over my brother was a bit excessive saying that there were worse things in life. From the outside looking in, yeah it can def seem that way. Letting a 15 year old push you the point of suicide. Though one thing my dad doesn't know is that I have BPD (borderline). Basically things that would seem normal drive me to suicide. Something as simple as dropping a pencil on a bad day can make me want to kill myself. He doesn't know I have BPD though