Cutting taboo

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

Do you cut or self harm? If so, do people know?

My ex is one of the only people who knew, but now he's out of my life. Trying to decide if I even care about keeping it a secret anymore when I'm so catatonically depressed over losing him.

Cutting feels like the only way to get rid of any amount of my pain, but people have such a strong reaction to it.

My body, my misery…I wish it wasn't so taboo.

 

[Intelligent_Panic99]

I hear you. I've been cutting forever. I have recently stopped because it is no longer working. But I've stopped before and started up again. I have scars on most parts of my body Only my old therapist, ex husband and random people from when I've been hospitalized know. My best friend knows but hasn't seen the scars. I keep them hidden. I wish I didn't have to.

 

[CommitSudoku]

For me, the only people who know are those who couldn't do anything about it, though I've cut nearly all of them out by now. All I've ever received from telling was empty words or fake worries, or nothing. In a way from all that I've been reminded that cutting/self harm can be just for me. In the past I know it's been a call for help, but now it's just for me. So I can feel something and enjoy the spilling of blood and fantasize that perhaps this could kill me. Perhaps I could finally get an infection and die, that would be nice. Unrealistic, but nice. I guess I haven't experienced the strong reaction you mentioned, what is it like? Not that anyone has seen my scars, I've been painfully good at hiding things in this life. If I still cut wishing others would see and try to help me, then I'd almost want everyone to see since they won't truly know my pain otherwise. But I don't want help anymore, just an end. So I'll keep this small act that brings relief just to myself or those who understand (like in here) for now.

 

[Oblivion Access]

Used to be super ashamed of burn scars but now I just find it really funny how freaked out people get. It's also oddly affirming of how fucked up I am in a way. I don't do it anymore and I doubt I will again though, just sitting there with my thoughts and feelings feels more punishing.

 

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

I guess I haven't experienced the strong reaction you mentioned, what is it like?

Generally some form of horror. It feels sincere initially then increasingly shallow as people decide to distance themselves from what's going on…

I used to more actively hide it but at this point it's hard to care. I don't "tell" people often. It does feel like cutting is a way people finally get the extent of the pain though. It's much easier to blow a person off when they say "I'm in a really bad place" or "things are really hard."

Cutting is so concrete and taboo.

 

[Myl]

Yeah it seems like a lot of us here self harm.
There's a megathread for self harming here although it seems a little inactive right now.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/self-harm-thread.57547/

My family know, it would be hard to hide it seeing as I live with them.