Cut myself, for the first time

[Tearygirl]

I cut myself for the first time to punish myself. I am so scared of knife, so I couldn't cut properly. So I think this is scratching rather than cutting, but I did it. I feel a little pain, and it actually feels good. Because I feel like I got punished, and I deserve this. This is much better than ODing medicine. Absolutely better. ODing only causes malaise and nausea. It seems cutting is a better option for me.

p.s. I want to punish myself because I am a terrible person and I hate my body. Also, I feel guilty for so many things.

 

[Dumbass]

When I first cut it was also just scratches. You slowly just . . . get better I guess? At one point you'll probably slice multiple times (though that takes some courage the first time you do it ;;o.o)

 

[Jean4]

Hey. What's going on that you need to punish yourself? Do you want to talk?

 

[WallsClosingInn]

I also cut myself a few times,but like you said not really a proper cut.I also know to hit myself,mostly in the chest and stomach and the head.the weird thing is it helps,when the pressure gets unbearable....

 

[JustAnotherSuicider]

I started cutting myself recently too and I can't stop now, it's just feels so good. But it's hard to hide and I'm afraid that someone will eventually see my cuts :(

 

[Nem]

I've never cut myself but have head butted holes in drywall, broken plates over my head and smashed glasses over my head. I hope you're okay
Peace/hugs

 

[Despondent]

I also do this to punish myself because I deserve it

 

[Verklempt]

i haven't cut myself since i'm too scared and weak to do so. i have scratched myself before, i don't really count it as a cut. it felt good and the pain last no more than 30 seconds. i would really like to build up the courage to actually cut myself.

 

[HereToday]

It's a slippery slope when you become a cutter. If you think you hate yourself now, wait until you're covered in scars. I'd advise finding a different coping mechanism

 

[GinaIsReady]

I have some really important advice for you ... be sure to NOT cut where your scars will be seen by others (like your arms, lower legs). If you start cutting deep, you'll have those scars for a long time and they can really work against you in different ways (hating your body even more and also it scares other people away which you may not want some day).

 

[jgm63]

I cut myself for the first time to punish myself. I am so scared of knife, so I couldn't cut properly. So I think this is scratching rather than cutting, but I did it. I feel a little pain, and it actually feels good. Because I feel like I got punished, and I deserve this. This is much better than ODing medicine. Absolutely better. ODing only causes malaise and nausea. It seems cutting is a better option for me.

p.s. I want to punish myself because I am a terrible person and I hate my body. Also, I feel guilty for so many things.

I bet that you are not really a terrible person.
I don't think you need to punish yourself.
Please take time to consider your options.
This site and the support available here should help you make the right decisions for you....
Do you think there might be any possible solutions for your difficulties ?
What are the biggest issues that you have at the moment ?

 

[Tearygirl]

People might sympathise me and want to care about me for real if they found my scars. What is your opinion?

 

[jgm63]

People might sympathise me and want to care about me for real if they found my scars. What is your opinion?

I'm not sure if things like that really work very well in reality. They might in some situations with certain rare types of people. Those types of people do exist, but they are very rare. You might be fortunate enough to meet someone like that, but it might take time for that to happen.

In the meantime, with many people you meet, it might have the opposite effect to the one you stated....

Personally I don't think it's a great idea....

But I do still hope that you find a friend (or friends) who cares deeply and wants to help you.
Good people do exist.



Edit : And of course, you have friends here who care already...

 

[Selfhate]

What's the point of harming ur bodyy

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I cut myself for the first time to punish myself. I am so scared of knife, so I couldn't cut properly. So I think this is scratching rather than cutting, but I did it. I feel a little pain, and it actually feels good. Because I feel like I got punished, and I deserve this. This is much better than ODing medicine. Absolutely better. ODing only causes malaise and nausea. It seems cutting is a better option for me.

p.s. I want to punish myself because I am a terrible person and I hate my body. Also, I feel guilty for so many things.

I understand the need to punish oneself. I'm not a cutter but I have punched myself in the face or usually the side of the head for being so stupid.
I'm not a good person either. I used to think I was but then I've thought back on the people I've hurt and sometimes still do.
I don't have any advice just hugs.

 

[Fly🦋]

I also do this to punish myself because I deserve it

Same.

 

[TheEndof]

I started cutting when I was very young, probably 10 or 11. I have periods when I don't self harm at all, sometimes for a year or two at a time. I've recently started to cut again along with other self harm. It's to the point now that I don't feel much relief. Scarily enough, burning is seemingly becoming more and more attractive to me. But I hate flames of any type, which is why I've never done it.

Anyway, I have found that people don't seem to care any more once they see scars or anything. The assumption seems to be that you're an attention seeker or they freak out and try to get you "help". Either way, not useful in my experience.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I am a cutter and I regret the scars.... Yes when the blood pours its a huge relief.... Yes when I'm alone it helps.... But when I have a 'ok' day and I feel better the scars... Well in my experience, People won't sympathise with you but they will look and stare with there judgmental eyes. ... It is very uncomfortable... I would not advise for anyone to start cutting but I understand its personal choice.... I went too deep few weeks ago I got a tiny fright I went and bought stitches and antiseptic it closed and healed OK... Well so far.... I had Stopped for two weeks then the other day I reopened another cut.. I do try to reopen so I don't get any added scars.... All I'll say is in the summer there is no way I'll be able to wear short sleeves ...


Just please be careful

 

[Soulless_Angel]

What's the point of harming ur bodyy

to release tension and anger,
to feel psychical pain,
to feel in some ways alive,
to lose time and moment,
to ground oneself,
to punish yourself

There are many reasons to harm your own body, just a few I have mentioned, but there are many many reasons.
My arms are covered in scars, I do not hide them in shame, no one has ever mentioned them, they are part of me and my journey in this hell called life.

 

[Evan Horoszko]

It's a slippery slope when you become a cutter. If you think you hate yourself now, wait until you're covered in scars. I'd advise finding a different coping mechanism

I totally agree. I definitely hate myself more for cutting and I am very embarrassed by my scars. It is to the point where I can't wear any short sleeve shirts around anyone outside my family.