CTF feels closer now

[NightshadeDreamer]

I feel as though CTB is creeping up. I haven't been like this in years but also it's never felt like this before. I go to work which I genuinely like, see friends, talk to people, go to counseling and function as most would. But past few weeks I've felt like CTB is inevitable and it's going to happen but i continue to live as normal. I've saved up months of TCA pills, trying to get a downer pill to help sedation. I'm certain it's this weekend and this may be my last week alive. I've fully given up. I feel like I'm in this in between state of existence. Nobody knows of my plans. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

 

[anywhere_else]

This is where I'm at. A few weeks ago I nearly rushed the decision, but since then I've just sort of felt calm? Like there's an acceptance and serenity to it. But I find it a bit lonely, I don't know about you. "Between states" feels like the right term for sure.

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

This is where I'm at. A few weeks ago I nearly rushed the decision, but since then I've just sort of felt calm? Like there's an acceptance and serenity to it. But I find it a bit lonely, I don't know about you. "Between states" feels like the right term for sure.

You're right about the calmness. Like there's a peace in knowing it'll end soon. It is pretty lonely. Because we're not able to really talk about it I guess

 

[tryagain]

I feel as though CTB is creeping up. I haven't been like this in years but also it's never felt like this before. I go to work which I genuinely like, see friends, talk to people, go to counseling and function as most would. But past few weeks I've felt like CTB is inevitable and it's going to happen but i continue to live as normal. I've saved up months of TCA pills, trying to get a downer pill to help sedation. I'm certain it's this weekend and this may be my last week alive. I've fully given up. I feel like I'm in this in between state of existence. Nobody knows of my plans. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Absolutely understand how you feel. Much the same for me. Apparently functioning really well but know it is near the end for me.

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

Absolutely understand how you feel. Much the same for me. Apparently functioning really well but know it is near the end for me.

I'm sorry you're going through it too. Functioning isn't always living huh

 

[tryagain]

I'm sorry you're going through it too. Functioning isn't always living huh

No it's not. I too am sorry for what you are doing through. Big hugs.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

Same here. Its taking so long but soon itll all be over. These last few weeks feel like 60 years ): Every day feels like a month. Ill be gone in 4 weeks or so

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

Same here. Its taking so long but soon itll all be over. These last few weeks feel like 60 years ): Every day feels like a month. Ill be gone in 4 weeks or so

I hope you find some peace soon. Definitely know that feeling of time seeming a lot longer than it's been. Not sure what you have planned in the end, but I hope things work out for you.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

I hope you find some peace soon. Definitely know that feeling of time seeming a lot longer than it's been. Not sure what you have planned in the end, but I hope things work out for you.

Ill be doing SN very likely. GHB is plan B, and partial is plan C.

Thanks man. I hope I will find peace too. I want nothing after death.

 

[StolenLife]

I understand how you feel. I also feel like I'm in a waiting room of sorts, waiting for... something. My life ending in suicide is inevitable one way or another. I wish you to find peace and if you decide to ctb, I hope that it will be as painless as possible.

 

[SVEN]

My existence is the same, I plod on acting the part of living my life for the sake of my unwell wife and small dog. I'm sorry you endure the same life. Every good wish.

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

My existence is the same, I plod on acting the part of living my life for the sake of my unwell wife and small dog. I'm sorry you endure the same life. Every good wish.

That must be difficult for you, sorry to hear your wife is unwell. All the best to you. I hope things improve for you!

 

[sadToast]

its like a pre-mortal limbo of sorts. at least thats how a friend of mine explained it to me before he ctb. he said he was really calm and more ready than ever and they just felt more comfortable since i was accepting of them ctb

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

its like a pre-mortal limbo of sorts. at least thats how a friend of mine explained it to me before he ctb. he said he was really calm and more ready than ever and they just felt more comfortable since i was accepting of them ctb

Sorry to hear your friend ctb. I hope they're at peace, but that's a very good way to put it. I've always felt as though life is a formal of limbo. I'm very calm now.