Venting Ctbing with kids

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

How many of you guys have kids but have decided to CTB nonetheless? I have a son who is 22 and he is independent. I am very close to CTBing as my cancer is getting worse. I want to do it before I become completely incapacitated but I worry about my son. Being alive yet completely dead inside is destroying me. I really can't take this much longer.

 

[Prime]

I know its stupid but can you talk to your son about it? It might be worth a try.

 

[End.of.the.line]

The tittle of your thread got me a little worried, I thought you might have meant killing yourself and your kids, I'm glad that is not the case here. I'm sorry you have cancer, that sucks. No I don't have kids but I think a loved one CTB because of a terminal illness is more understandable and maybe easier to live with then a loved one CTB because of depression because they might think there was something they could have done about it and end up blaming themselves. either way try enjoy whatever time you have left, we all die one day, being stressed out wont solve anything. good luck

 

[Sayo]

I'm so sorry. I have to echo the suggestion to talk to your son (and I apologise if it is a bad suggestion for reasons I am unaware of). If he is 22 and independent, he is an adult who is old enough to know what it means that you have the kind of cancer you do and face it with you. It doesn't mean it won't be painful or that it would be easier to cope with, but it is generally more understandable to the average person in the context of terminal illness, and preparation might help him to come to terms with it and understand your frame of mind. The young and the healthy can sometimes have trouble imagining the extent of sickness and pain until it is tangible and they are forcibly confronted with it, whereas you have foresight about what is coming.

Of course, our emotions and instinctive reactions often belie what we can rationally process to be true. But I do think it might be better if you could talk about it, to make your wishes known, to give advice and talk about coping after your passing, and also to clarify your feelings. One of the hard parts of losing a parent is the perception, true or not, that they 'abandoned' you, or that they wouldn't have chosen to be with you - but there is a point one reaches, between the devil and the deep blue sea.

I do think it is ethically fine. Do your best by your child, but there is only so much in every human that they have to give, and a limit to how much good suffering can do anyone in the face of inevitable loss.

 

[invisiblycrippled]

I'm seriously ill myself, albeit not terminal in the classic sense, but life expectancy is reduced, I'm seriously disabled, and quality of life is nonexistent.

I put a lot of effort into trying to make those around me understand my decision in order to soften the blow, and I suggest you do the same.

The fact that you have a generally accepted and feared illness is a massive advantage, because a good portion of people today say they would rather kill themselves than die from cancer suffering terribly.

Most rationally thinking and non-religious people would understand.

 

[IwasElla]

@IfHeDiesHeDies
I'm so sorry for you and your kid. I think there's a huge chance that your son will understand and support you. I also think that you should try to talk to him.
My mom recently died of cancer. Neither I, nor my father, nor my sister wanted her to suffer, and we were ready to help her with euthanasia. At first she had a good remission and we hoped for recovery, but then she suddenly became worse and could not move, therefore there was no longer any question about going to Switzerland to Dignitas.
From the position of a child who has already lost mother, I can say that for me and my family the most important thing was that our loved person stopped suffering, but not our selfish desire to stay with her as long as possible.

 

[longingforrelease]

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. But yes, I have a 10 year old daughter. She lives with her mom and has a stable loving environment. But I'm filled with dread that my suicide would cause her intense emotional pain and perhaps long lasting psychological trouble. As I've posted elsewhere here, I'm thus driven toward making my death look accidental but this poses the problem of not being able to leave her a note that explains how much I loved her, how much joy she has brought me and that my decision to take my life was DESPITE how much I love her, and not because I didn't love her enough to stick it out. I have no suggestions for you friend just my sympathy. I wish both you and your son the best.