Ctb

[justjoe]

I'm tired of being overwhelming and feeling alone, I have tried in the past before but was stopped and still after all the years I still think I should be outta here. Looking at getting baked and ligature as I don't feel I belong here. Any advice or suggestions, all welcome, based in UK

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[PaxAmericaX]

I'm tired of being overwhelming and feeling alone, I have tried in the past before but was stopped and still after all the years I still think I should be outta here. Looking at getting baked and ligature as I don't feel I belong here. Any advice or suggestions, all welcome, based in UK

I have been running all my life. From everything, my shadow, aggressive people, studying and so on. I was never given any support. Saw my dad hit/punish older siblings one day when a toddler and it never left me. I always lived in fear. That anxiety all the way back then just grew and grew. Only I never saw it or accepted things until recently and it explains why all my life, whenever I did anything, I either failed or broke even. I rarely succeeded. I had grown up with fear and lacking confidence, and wasnt ever given any genuine support. Now I just dont have anything left. I dont want to do anything but I have been in this latest episode of despair for 6 weeks now and its just worn me down.. I loved my dad but seeing his failings finally and accepting them and seeing the massive errors I made when I lost him due to the fog of bereavement and anger makes me not want to go on.

I only sleep when I dream about my planned final day (if I ever do it). That worries me. The rational me growing up always thought it was crazy when I read about a suicide. Why didnt they just start again, afresh. Write off the past, the massive financial loss, the failed marriage, the decline as a celebrity... whatever. But until you actually experience the pain of life then its not something you easily empathise with. I think this is where Mental Health Services fail. They think from a rational perspective and dont put themselves in the shoes of those in trouble.