Theendxx
Flying with angels
- Jun 25, 2022
- 15
Just venting/looking for anyone to talk to me about this
TW/ food issues
I ordered a lot of Sodium Nitrite a few days ago and I'm working up the nerve to take it.
I keep worrying about failing. Failing would ruin my life even further than it is now and I just can't handle that sort of pain.
I feel extreme guilt because I know I will be hurting the people who care about me, but I just can't take this anymore. No matter how much I try I can't be happy.
I hated my body so I starved myself? Still unhappy.
I felt alone so I got into a relationship? Still unhappy.
I felt dumb so I worked hard to get into the college I wanted and did? Still unhappy.
And I've tried everything. Ketamine therapy, hospitalization, every med under the sun.
It's just my time to go and SN seems like the only reliable method.
TW/ food issues
I ordered a lot of Sodium Nitrite a few days ago and I'm working up the nerve to take it.
I keep worrying about failing. Failing would ruin my life even further than it is now and I just can't handle that sort of pain.
I feel extreme guilt because I know I will be hurting the people who care about me, but I just can't take this anymore. No matter how much I try I can't be happy.
I hated my body so I starved myself? Still unhappy.
I felt alone so I got into a relationship? Still unhappy.
I felt dumb so I worked hard to get into the college I wanted and did? Still unhappy.
And I've tried everything. Ketamine therapy, hospitalization, every med under the sun.
It's just my time to go and SN seems like the only reliable method.