CTB while having a partner

[dejadoom]

I've given the obvious people a lot of thought like my family, and my best friend, but I almost worry worse for my boyfriend. He's been supergluing and taping me back together for four years now all while juggling an intense career and education path. I'm scared that by doing this I would be derailing his life and dreams, but at the same time I think once he gets over it his life would flourish without me. I wish there was a way for me to be able to predict the fallout.

 

[XdragonsoulX]

I feel this constantly with my own boyfriend, I'm terrified when he learns I ctb he won't be able to go on with his life and I know he and his family care for me greatly I know it will be heartbreaking. But I can't shake the thought and know it is inevitable.

Does your partner know about your thoughts with suicide? Mine doesn't know and I'm not sure if I should tell him or not.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I feel the same with my boyfriend. He is the only person in my life that never failed me or betrayed me. I'm also his first and only romantic relationship, he moved country to be with me.
I have no idea how he would cope if I ctb...he has already experienced so much death in his life...
I did tell him about my suicidal thoughts though, and we both cried in bed while he hugged me.

I don't think there is a way to predict the downfall but, given what happened with my father when my mother died, I imagine the boyfriend would never be the same again...

 

[fallintotheshadows]

I've given the obvious people a lot of thought like my family, and my best friend, but I almost worry worse for my boyfriend. He's been supergluing and taping me back together for four years now all while juggling an intense career and education path. I'm scared that by doing this I would be derailing his life and dreams, but at the same time I think once he gets over it his life would flourish without me. I wish there was a way for me to be able to predict the fallout.

Have you had a conversation about it with him? I know you said he has been trying to superglue you together, but have you actually talked about it with him

 

[dejadoom]

I feel this constantly with my own boyfriend, I'm terrified when he learns I ctb he won't be able to go on with his life and I know he and his family care for me greatly I know it will be heartbreaking. But I can't shake the thought and know it is inevitable.

Does your partner know about your thoughts with suicide? Mine doesn't know and I'm not sure if I should tell him or not.

I fully relate, I don't want to be something that haunts him. Yes, he knows. I've always been a deeply unstable person, I have periods of clarity and am generally pleasant to be around but every now and again he literally has to lift me out of bed and force me into a shower and to eat because I'm so depressed. I used to try to hide it from him but anymore when he asks what's wrong, I just say candidly I want to die. I think he's exhausted at this point with it and thinks they're empty threats.

Have you had a conversation about it with him? I know you said he has been trying to superglue you together, but have you actually talked about it with him

Yes he knows about my thoughts, I think he's so immune to my instability and bouts of depression that he doesn't take me seriously. Not his fault however.

I feel the same with my boyfriend. He is the only person in my life that never failed me or betrayed me. I'm also his first and only romantic relationship, he moved country to be with me.
I have no idea how he would cope if I ctb...he has already experienced so much death in his life...
I did tell him about my suicidal thoughts though, and we both cried in bed while he hugged me.

I don't think there is a way to predict the downfall but, given what happened with my father when my mother died, I imagine the boyfriend would never be the same again...

I feel the same with my boyfriend. He is the only person in my life that never failed me or betrayed me. I'm also his first and only romantic relationship, he moved country to be with me.
I have no idea how he would cope if I ctb...he has already experienced so much death in his life...
I did tell him about my suicidal thoughts though, and we both cried in bed while he hugged me.

I don't think there is a way to predict the downfall but, given what happened with my father when my mother died, I imagine the boyfriend would never be the same again...

That's my fear. He's such a great man and I don't want to send him back into the dating world as "damaged goods" because I couldn't handle life. He deserves a good life and a stable woman.

 

[Kokonoe]

I know how it is. My boyfriend is pretty much the only reason I'm still here. My death would break him, probably.
But at this point I've kinda just gaslit myself into not caring about how he feels about that because it's the only way I'll ever get myself to actually CTB.

 

[silentcicada]

I fully relate, I don't want to be something that haunts him. Yes, he knows. I've always been a deeply unstable person, I have periods of clarity and am generally pleasant to be around but every now and again he literally has to lift me out of bed and force me into a shower and to eat because I'm so depressed. I used to try to hide it from him but anymore when he asks what's wrong, I just say candidly I want to die. I think he's exhausted at this point with it and thinks they're empty threats.

Yes he knows about my thoughts, I think he's so immune to my instability and bouts of depression that he doesn't take me seriously. Not his fault however.


That's my fear. He's such a great man and I don't want to send him back into the dating world as "damaged goods" because I couldn't handle life. He deserves a good life and a stable woman.

I'm going through the same exact thing.

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

I feel similar but about my best friend. We mostly have only each other. We both struggle with social anxiety and rarely ever go out, I'm the closest friend she has and she's the closest friend I have. She's not comfortable with mental health discussions but I know she goes through some stuff as well and I would be scared of hurting her. I know that I would be dead so it wouldn't matter to me but I don't think I could die peacefully knowing that I'm potentially ruining her life.

 

[reallysleepy]

I feel the same with my boyfriend. I have parents but I feel like they are kind of responsible for bringing me to this world so I don't feel guilty with them. I also have friends but I think they'll get over it. My boyfriend is the one that worries me, he is really dependant of our relationship and I'm afraid I would fuck up his life if I ctb.

He knows I'm suicidal, I tried to ctb one month ago (I had to get really drunk to overcome the guilt and the SI). He has told me that if I ctb I'll break his heart, he also has asked me to not leave him. He told me to wait until April before considering to ctb again (because then I would have waited at least a year since I started seeing my current psychiatrist) and I promised I will. I pretend to honor this promise because he has trauma regarding lies so if I break a promise and ctb that would break his heart x2.

My pain and suffering has overcome the guilt I feel for leaving him, I just hope he can continue with his life and be happy. Waiting until April is just moving the inevitable for me and I'm not sure if in April I will just dissapear or I'll tell him I'm going to ctb and ask him to say our goodbyes while we still can.

This is a really difficult situation and I just hope we all can find the least hurting way to go through it.

 

[reallysleepy]

I feel the same with my boyfriend. I have parents but I feel like they are kind of responsible for bringing me to this world so I don't feel guilty with them. I also have friends but I think they'll get over it. My boyfriend is the one that worries me, he is really dependant of our relationship and I'm afraid I would fuck up his life if I ctb.

He knows I'm suicidal, I tried to ctb one month ago (I had to get really drunk to overcome the guilt and the SI). He has told me that if I ctb I'll break his heart, he also has asked me to not leave him. He told me to wait until April before considering to ctb again (because then I would have waited at least a year since I started seeing my current psychiatrist) and I promised I will. I pretend to honor this promise because he has trauma regarding lies so if I break a promise and ctb that would break his heart x2.

My pain and suffering has overcome the guilt I feel for leaving him, I just hope he can continue with his life and be happy. Waiting until April is just moving the inevitable for me and I'm not sure if in April I will just dissapear or I'll tell him I'm going to ctb and ask him to say our goodbyes while we still can.

This is a really difficult situation and I just hope we all can find the least hurting way to go through it.

I'm also trying that my boyfriend breaks up with me. We are in a really good place right now and I'm trying to not be so good of a girlfriend. He noticed it tho and asked me why am I always trying to start a fight

 

[Ammended]

This hurts to read. I know I will utterly break my spouse's heart. I also know that I will eventually break it anyways, so the very least I can do is ensure he is financially taken care of and I hope one day he will forgive me.