Story CTB via VSED Journey

[theEndCH]

I've been doing VSED for (almost) 3 weeks now.

The first few days were a bit hard to give up food, but after about 3 days my stomach calmed down. It wasn't so difficult for me to give up drinking, because I'm a person who drinks barley anyway. After a while, I had more headaches, a bit of dizziness, my joints started to hurt a little and my bones feel more heavier and unrelaxed. I also noticed how my body temperature rose like a fever. Overall, I feel a little weaker than usual. To lose body fluid through sweating, I go on the treadmill almost every day for 15-30 minute. But I also noticed the loss through the urine, which became less and darker. Also a light food poisoning helped me out. At least, there were days when I didn't have to pee at all.

After 1 week I noticed how my blood pressure rose and breathing became harder. My throat also felt much drier, but my saliva was still there and thicker. In week 2, I fainted at work and a colleague found me. The problem was that he immediately gave me water, which interrupted my process and I started peeing again and felt my body cells soaking up the 200-300ml of water. The interruption threw me back a bit and my urine turned a lighter yellow again. Nevertheless, I am now at the point where things are moving forward again and I hardly have to pee and dry out. I hope that it will now lead to the end more quickly


I'll keep you on update and I would welcome if someone writes who also does or did VSED or wants to to.

 

[Rumi]

How are you still able to work after going weeks without food and water?

I hope you get time off, it must be hell to work without any energy.

 

[theboy]

It's a pretty strong method. I'm surprised how you want to stick with the method despite the dangerous bodily complications.

 

[theEndCH]

How are you still able to work after going weeks without food and water?

I hope you get time off, it must be hell to work without any energy.

It's still possible for me to work because I'm working from home. I've not staying in bed at all yet, but I notice that I get tired much faster than usual. I've been preparing for when I'm going to be really weak.

It's a pretty strong method. I'm surprised how you want to stick with the method despite the dangerous bodily complications.

My last wish, as soon as I notice strong symptoms, is to do one last hike in the of 4000m mountain peaks to become even more dehydrated and weak. Otherwise, I'll stay at home and dehydrate on the treadmill through obsessive running. But I I'll not call an ambulance in both cases. You have to be really strong and strict for this method.

 

[bipbapbop]

Do you plan to CTB on the mountain? Or is that just something else to do?

 

[theboy]

My last wish, as soon as I notice strong symptoms, is to do one last hike in the of 4000m mountain peaks to become even more dehydrated and weak. Otherwise, I'll stay at home and dehydrate on the treadmill through obsessive running. But I I'll not call an ambulance in both cases. You have to be really strong and strict for this method.

why did you choose this drastic method and not another?

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans, I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[theEndCH]

Do you plan to CTB on the mountain? Or is that just something else to do?

Ideally yes. There is currently a lot of snow on the mountain peaks. It's peaceful, quiet and it hardly has any people. My biggest fear is to be found too quickly.

why did you choose this drastic method and not another?

In my country, assisted suicide is legal, but it is rarely accepted in the case of mental illness. Nevertheless, I decided to die self-determined through the alternative VSED.

I wish you the best of luck in your plans, I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for.

Thank you.

 

[rozeske]

Although this method has proven to be drawn out and difficult to see through for some members, I do wish you luck that it will be as you hoped and planned. Hope you find your peace soon

 

[bipbapbop]

Ideally yes. There is currently a lot of snow on the mountain peaks. It's peaceful, quiet and it hardly has any people. My biggest fear is to be found too quickly.

I hope you find what you are looking for. Sounds incredibly peaceful.

 

[gazap]

I have great respect for you and i hope that your passing is peaceful.

Im considering this method myself but my situation is completely different to yours. I have a muscle wasting disease and will be sent to hospice soon. I live in the UK so medical assistance in dying is illegal (ridiculous i know).

I'm currently doing a trial run. I'm on day three of not eating, i still drink. I wanted to ask, do you get to a point where you no longer feel hungry? The hunger pangs have been strong. Secondly, do you have bouts of thirst or has they lessoned as well?

Warmest regards to you

 

[theEndCH]

Although this method has proven to be drawn out and difficult to see through for some members, I do wish you luck that it will be as you hoped and planned. Hope you find your peace soon

Thank you. VSED is not an ideal method for everyone. It's possible but you have to be absolutly determined. An succsessful case is the 17-year-old Noa Pothoven from the Netherlands. She has managed to end her suffering with VSED. Previously, she had been denied from assisted suicide.

I hope you find what you are looking for. Sounds incredibly peaceful.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Erick]

How are yours eyes, saliva, hair, and skin?
Just a few days without any liquid will dry them out.
And a few days without eating anything will make you lose all your hair due to lack of vitamins

Thank you. VSED is not an ideal method for everyone. It's possible but you have to be absolutly determined. An succsessful case is the 17-year-old Noa Pothoven from the Netherlands. She has managed to end her suffering with VSED. Previously, she had been denied from assisted suicide.




Thank you for your kind words.

Brave woman. I spent four days without eating anything, I just slept. On the fourth day I woke up and a lot of hair had fallen out.
Seeing yourself deteriorating until you day must be hell

 

[Alex Fermentopathy]

An succsessful case is the 17-year-old Noa Pothoven from the Netherlands. She has managed to end her suffering with VSED.

There is a big difference: doing it in hospital/family and receiving palliative care, or doing it alone.

 

[theEndCH]

I have great respect for you and i hope that your passing is peaceful.

Im considering this method myself but my situation is completely different to yours. I have a muscle wasting disease and will be sent to hospice soon. I live in the UK so medical assistance in dying is illegal (ridiculous i know).

I'm currently doing a trial run. I'm on day three of not eating, i still drink. I wanted to ask, do you get to a point where you no longer feel hungry? The hunger pangs have been strong. Secondly, do you have bouts of thirst or has they lessoned as well?

Warmest regards to you

The hunger was the worst for me at the beginning, so I reduced my meals. But if you have managed a few days (3-5 days) without eating, you will no longer have the craving. Giving up drinking was easier for me, because I have always drunk little (like max. 500 ml each day). I think that's a reason why the dehydration process takes so long for me and my body and ignores thirst signals. For example, I only get mild symptoms such as headaches after a couple days.

Kind regards to you.

How are yours eyes, saliva, hair, and skin?
Just a few days without any liquid will dry them out.
And a few days without eating anything will make you lose all your hair due to lack of vitamins

Brave woman. I spent four days without eating anything, I just slept. On the fourth day I woke up and a lot of hair had fallen out.
Seeing yourself deteriorating until you day must be hell

I feel sorry for you loosing your hair..
My eyes and hair look normal, but I was asked about my weight because I lost much. The saliva has become thicker, but I sometimes spit it out additionally. And my skin has become a bit drier on the outside and I feel that fluid is missing inside, through faster pain of stressed joints. What I can clearly feel is my body is getting totally warm, like with a fever, but that's because nothing can cool down my body anymore.

 

[Erick]

The hunger was the worst for me at the beginning, so I reduced my meals. But if you have managed a few days (3-5 days) without eating, you will no longer have the craving. Giving up drinking was easier for me, because I have always drunk little (like max. 500 ml each day). I think that's a reason why the dehydration process takes so long for me and my body and ignores thirst signals. For example, I only get mild symptoms such as headaches after a couple days.

Kind regards to you.



I feel sorry for you loosing your hair..
My eyes and hair look normal, but I was asked about my weight because I lost much. The saliva has become thicker, but I sometimes spit it out additionally. And my skin has become a bit drier on the outside and I feel that fluid is missing inside, through faster pain of stressed joints. What I can clearly feel is my body is getting totally warm, like with a fever, but that's because nothing can cool down my body anymore.

If you end up giving up, that dryness you got will be permanent. Be careful with that.
Depending on how dehydrated you are, there will be permanent damage to your tears, saliva, skin, hair and joints.
Living with all this dryness is pretty bad. It's the reason I want to CTB

 

[theEndCH]

If you end up giving up, that dryness you got will be permanent. Be careful with that.
Depending on how dehydrated you are, there will be permanent damage to your tears, saliva, skin, hair and joints.
Living with all this dryness is pretty bad. It's the reason I want to CTB

Therefore, in any suicide method, you have to be aware that a fail can leave permanent damages.
And VSED is a humane form of suicide that can last 7, 14, or more days (a pastor died afer 25 days), but I'm not starting to give up.

Which method do you prefer?

 

[Erick]

Therefore, in any suicide method, you have to be aware that a fail can leave permanent damages.
And VSED is a humane form of suicide that can last 7, 14, or more days (a pastor died afer 25 days), but I'm not starting to give up.

Which method do you prefer?

the only method I would be willing to try is N. Any other method is too risky for me. I don't have a job and have an autoimmune disease, so I don't have courage to try any method since the chances of failure are high.
If you think you can succeed with VSED, I support your decision. I hope everything goes well.

 

[damyon]

I am incredibly surprised you can go without eating or drinking for more than 1 week and still be able to work .

I tried to do this for three days once, and I felt extreme dizziness, weakness, loss of concentration, and significantly impaired long- and short-term memory, so I decided not to proceed. I am also surprised that you mention doing cardio on top of that...


You must be strongly determined with your will, and I respect that. Regardless of the outcome, I wish you to find what you are looking for.

 

[bipbapbop]

If you end up giving up, that dryness you got will be permanent. Be careful with that.
Depending on how dehydrated you are, there will be permanent damage to your tears, saliva, skin, hair and joints.
Living with all this dryness is pretty bad. It's the reason I want to CTB

What do you mean the dryness is permanent? This is not my chosen method but this thread is just so interesting to me.

Sorry to hear you are living in so much pain.

 

[Erick]

What do you mean the dryness is permanent? This is not my chosen method but this thread is just so interesting to me.

Sorry to hear you are living in so much pain.

When you get to a certain point of dehydration, your mouth, skin, eyes and hair dry out, they are the first parts of your body that will suffer from dehydration, and they never go back to normal, they remain as dry as they got before you decided to drink water.
I've been living with dry mouth, dry skin, dry eyes and dry hair for more than a year, and it is a nightmare.
I have to spend a lot of money with eye drops, moisturizing cream, dentist, and anti-dandruff shampoo. They are just to prevent things to get worse, since the dryness has no cure.
the shampoo is useless, the hair keeps falling out everyday because there's no hydration coming from its natural source.
That's one of the reasons I think VSED is very dangerous, because you better give up early enough or go to the end until you die.

 

[theEndCH]

I am incredibly surprised you can go without eating or drinking for more than 1 week and still be able to work .

I tried to do this for three days once, and I felt extreme dizziness, weakness, loss of concentration, and significantly impaired long- and short-term memory, so I decided not to proceed. I am also surprised that you mention doing cardio on top of that...


You must be strongly determined with your will, and I respect that. Regardless of the outcome, I wish you to find what you are looking for.

It's not always easy and sometimes I also have circulatory problems and feel weak. My luck is that I work from home and only have to be in the company once a week. Certainly, what I really don't understand is why I bardly feel thirst.

When you get to a certain point of dehydration, your mouth, skin, eyes and hair dry out, they are the first parts of your body that will suffer from dehydration, and they never go back to normal, they remain as dry as they got before you decided to drink water.
I've been living with dry mouth, dry skin, dry eyes and dry hair for more than a year, and it is a nightmare.
I have to spend a lot of money with eye drops, moisturizing cream, dentist, and anti-dandruff shampoo. They are just to prevent things to get worse, since the dryness has no cure.
the shampoo is useless, the hair keeps falling out everyday because there's no hydration coming from its natural source.
That's one of the reasons I think VSED is very dangerous, because you better give up early enough or go to the end until you die.

Sounds not good. Where does your dryness come from?

 

[rozeske]

I hope you are managing ok @theEndCH

When you get to a certain point of dehydration, your mouth, skin, eyes and hair dry out, they are the first parts of your body that will suffer from dehydration, and they never go back to normal, they remain as dry as they got before you decided to drink water.

Quite interesting. I have never heard of a case where one was never able to rehydrate back after dehydration. Even after medical intervention?

 

[theEndCH]

I hope you are managing ok @theEndCH


Quite interesting. I have never heard of a case where one was never able to rehydrate back after dehydration. Even after medical intervention?

I witnessed a family member who had severe dehydration and whose kidneys were failing acutely. But with the help of an infusion and medication she survived without any permanent damage.

 

[Dark Window]

Sounds incredibly painful.

 

[Argo]

Have you ever heard of: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sokushinbutsu

?

The goal is a little different from death alone, and the pain of dying is made easier through the attention practice of meditation, but it's likely that this method is much more systematic and gradual for being achieved. By systematic I mean specifically:

this tradition developed a process for sokushinbutsu, which a monk completed over about 3,000 days. It involved a strict diet called mokujiki (literally, 'eating a tree'). The monk abstained from any cereals and relied on pine needles, resins, and seeds found in the mountains, which would eliminate all fat in the body. Increasing rates of fasting and meditation would lead to starvation. The monks would slowly reduce then stop liquid intake, thus dehydrating the body and shrinking all organs.

My guess is the above isn't just totally random, and I'm guessing it would probably not be ideal to immediately cut water, or else the organs and other emergency systems will take effect. In other words, and this is only my guess, I don't think it works like this this:

Sudden and total starvation+dehydration->organs fail->death.

Rather, like this:

Sudden and total starvation+dehydration->organs gradually fail, causing intense pain and discomfort that does not lead to death but causes a forceful "I must hydrate/eat" as if under threat of torture, to which anyone with a nervous system eventually caves to, otherwise --> death.


I realize taking 8 years to die is not going to fly for someone just wanting to die, but despite that, I think there's still a useful point here. I have not looked into any actual VSED cases though and I assume you know more about it since you're actively undertaking the method. Just curious what your thoughts are about all this.

 

[Erick]

It's not always easy and sometimes I also have circulatory problems and feel weak. My luck is that I work from home and only have to be in the company once a week. Certainly, what I really don't understand is why I bardly feel thirst.




Sounds not good. Where does your dryness come from?

My dryness came from my stupid VSED attempt last year. I was so depressed and out of my mind that I was willing to try anything to die at that point, but I didn't find any method that would work, so I tried the VSED in a desperate and impulsive attempt. I just spent some hours without water until I couldn't handle the thirst anymore and thought to myself "wtf am I doing?", then I drank a lot of water at once. The next day I noticed the complete lack of saliva in my mouth, my eyes dry and my vision a bit blurred, my hair dry, hard and falling out, my skin dry, pale, thin, older and a bit saggy. I look 10 years older because of that.
I always tell people I got an autoimmune disease called Sjogren's Syndrome which causes all that dryness in people who have it, because I find it too embarrassing to tell people that my dryness came from a failed suicide attempt.
Never in my life I had tried suicide nor thought about it until I got severe depressed all of a sudden last year.
Just some hours without water ruined my life forever, that's why I'm totally against trying this method. It's to hard to ctb from it, but way too easy to ruin your life.

 

[theEndCH]

Sounds incredibly painful.

It can be painful but it also can end peaceful.

Have you ever heard of: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sokushinbutsu

?

The goal is a little different from death alone, and the pain of dying is made easier through the attention practice of meditation, but it's likely that this method is much more systematic and gradual for being achieved. By systematic I mean specifically:



My guess is the above isn't just totally random, and I'm guessing it would probably not be ideal to immediately cut water, or else the organs and other emergency systems will take effect. In other words, and this is only my guess, I don't think it works like this this:

Sudden and total starvation+dehydration->organs fail->death.

Rather, like this:

Sudden and total starvation+dehydration->organs gradually fail, causing intense pain and discomfort that does not lead to death but causes a forceful "I must hydrate/eat" as if under threat of torture, to which anyone with a nervous system eventually caves to, otherwise --> death.


I realize taking 8 years to die is not going to fly for someone just wanting to die, but despite that, I think there's still a useful point here. I have not looked into any actual VSED cases though and I assume you know more about it since you're actively undertaking the method. Just curious what your thoughts are about all this.

I've never heard about Sokushinbutsu, but it's interesting.

Looking at cases of VSED makes clear that especially younger people give up much earlier than older or pre-deseased persons. But in general, you can't control how you're going to die if you commit suicide. You can suffer, you can suddenly die or just peacefully fall asleep and never wake up.

My dryness came from my stupid VSED attempt last year. I was so depressed and out of my mind that I was willing to try anything to die at that point, but I didn't find any method that would work, so I tried the VSED in a desperate and impulsive attempt. I just spent some hours without water until I couldn't handle the thirst anymore and thought to myself "wtf am I doing?", then I drank a lot of water at once. The next day I noticed the complete lack of saliva in my mouth, my eyes dry and my vision a bit blurred, my hair dry, hard and falling out, my skin dry, pale, thin, older and a bit saggy. I look 10 years older because of that.
I always tell people I got an autoimmune disease called Sjogren's Syndrome which causes all that dryness in people who have it, because I find it too embarrassing to tell people that my dryness came from a failed suicide attempt.
Never in my life I had tried suicide nor thought about it until I got severe depressed all of a sudden last year.
Just some hours without water ruined my life forever, that's why I'm totally against trying this method. It's to hard to ctb from it, but way too easy to ruin your life.

That's shocking, but it's good and important that you're telling us that. And I feel so sorry that you already had to deal with drastic symptoms after a couple hours. I really hope you will get better.

On my journey without water and food, I didn't have symptoms except thick saliva, headache, dizzyness, warmer body etc. and I am still wearing my contact lenses. But to be honest, I feel really desperate because I have already survived many VSED days, got interrupt in week 2 by a colleague, just because I fainted in the company that day.

 

[Erick]

It can be painful but it also can end peaceful.




I've never heard about Sokushinbutsu, but it's interesting.

Looking at cases of VSED makes clear that especially younger people give up much earlier than older or pre-deseased persons. But in general, you can't control how you're going to die if you commit suicide. You can suffer, you can suddenly die or just peacefully fall asleep and never wake up.




That's shocking, but it's good and important that you're telling us that. And I feel so sorry that you already had to deal with drastic symptoms after a couple hours. I really hope you will get better.

On my journey without water and food, I didn't have symptoms except thick saliva, headache, dizzyness, warmer body etc. and I am still wearing my contact lenses. But to be honest, I feel really desperate because I have already survived many VSED days, got interrupt in week 2 by a colleague, just because I fainted in the company that day.

I didn't have headache, dizzyness, warmer body... I just felt my mouth dry I decided to give up and drank water. Now I've seen you and some other people trying the same and I can't believe I'm the only one who got all this permanent damage. How unlucky I am.
I hope this doesn't happen to you in case you decide to give up.

 

[bipbapbop]

I didn't have headache, dizzyness, warmer body... I just felt my mouth dry I decided to give up and drank water. Now I've seen you and some other people trying the same and I can't believe I'm the only one who got all this permanent damage. How unlucky I am.
I hope this doesn't happen to you in case you decide to give up.

Feel free to not answer but did you ever go to the dr? You mentioned pretending you have an autoimmune disease but those can be triggered by stress. It might be worth checking to see if maybe you actually did develop one? At least that way you might get some treatments that could help.