CTB tonight

[virginiawoolf86]

I'm going to CTB tonight. I found a local bridge high enough. There's been some 12 suicides off of it already according to the news.

The downfall (we'll call that a "happy accident") is finding a place to leave my car. They're doing construction on the bridge. Also, there are cameras.

It felt scary, but the universe seems to be telling me it's right. All the signs are there.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

Good luck! I hope you will CTB successfuly. I really wish you luck.

Thank you. I gotta make this count.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Wishing you a peaceful journey, never too late to back out!
(Just had to say that in case lol)
Peace :)

 

[JustKillBen22]

I wish you the best, but just a forewarning I have gone to a bridge over 30 times with intent to jump and it's incredibly hard to actually jump, I wish it wasn't so but just be aware.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

I wish you the best, but just a forewarning I have gone to a bridge over 30 times with intent to jump and it's incredibly hard to actually jump, I wish it wasn't so but just be aware.

I believe you. It was scary to just drive over it. There's no barrier. It's just wide open.

 

[RL95]

Have a peaceful journey!
I've thought about jumping off a bridge, but it seems really hard and I'm afraid of getting in the local news

 

[AlreadyGone]

Good luck

 

[Ulisses]

we are here, in case you decide not to jump. I wish you peace at this point in your journey.

 

[SnowWhite]

While there are many other options, only you will know what is right for you. I wish you a peaceful journey

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

We are here if you change your mind. We are here either way. Be well

 

[virginiawoolf86]

Hello, I'm glad to see you are still here! Don't be afraid to drop us a message if you like. You won't be judged.

Thank you.

 

[RL95]

Nice that you're still here.
if you don't mind me asking - what's the reason for your ctb?

 

[VexRal]

Planning to ctb by bridge too. Hoping that I'll get knocked out right away so I don't have to experience pain from injuries/drowning. Around how high will your drop be if you don't mind me asking? I wish you the best.

 

[Meditation guide]

I don't have any high bridges that I have access to so you're lucky. I mean if you can call it luck.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

I don't have any high bridges that I have access to so you're lucky. I mean if you can call it luck.

It's this or SN or CO. And I don't trust those outcomes either.

Planning to ctb by bridge too. Hoping that I'll get knocked out right away so I don't have to experience pain from injuries/drowning. Around how high will your drop be if you don't mind me asking? I wish you the best.

207' is the highest I can find around here.

I wish you the best as well. And know there is no shame in turning away if you so choose.

 

[Meditation guide]

t's this or SN or CO. And I don't trust those outcomes either.

There is a lot to be said for being something fast and sure. I guess it's the total impact that does it.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

Nice that you're still here.
if you don't mind me asking - what's the reason for your ctb?

Over the past seven months my mental health took a nose dive. Overnight it was paranoia, hallucinations. I couldn't even get in a shower I was so scared of the water.
(I realize the irony of a bridge jump there.) Then it was the disassociation. Not realizing my voice was my own. My hands any body part was foreign to me. Don't ask me to look in a mirror because I don't even know how to process reflections (in a very literal sense.) To top that, an abusive relationship with a narcissist who was always the victim despite all of the aforementioned happening to me.

I just graduated with honors from college a couple years ago. I worked two jobs to get me through that. I was finally ready to rest on my laurels. I worked as a children's librarian. I took joy in teaching them ways to learn, ways to be mindful. Now I'm a shell of what I used to be.

I could go on, but I don't think I have it in me to type much more.

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry it has come to this, Thoughts and prayers to you in whatever you decide. ❤

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I am sorry it turned this way. :(

 

[Meditation guide]

I feel for you! I wish I could help somehow.

 

[Saed]

@virginiawoolf86
With no more word from you,may you have found the peaceful freedom you desired.
I admire the courage it took to achieve it.

Please,don't ever be afraid to post back,if you were unable to take that leap. It doesn't diminish your courage,nor is there any shame.

 

[RL95]

Over the past seven months my mental health took a nose dive. Overnight it was paranoia, hallucinations. I couldn't even get in a shower I was so scared of the water.
(I realize the irony of a bridge jump there.) Then it was the disassociation. Not realizing my voice was my own. My hands any body part was foreign to me. Don't ask me to look in a mirror because I don't even know how to process reflections (in a very literal sense.) To top that, an abusive relationship with a narcissist who was always the victim despite all of the aforementioned happening to me.

I just graduated with honors from college a couple years ago. I worked two jobs to get me through that. I was finally ready to rest on my laurels. I worked as a children's librarian. I took joy in teaching them ways to learn, ways to be mindful. Now I'm a shell of what I used to be.

I could go on, but I don't think I have it in me to type much more.

I'm so sorry to hear this, can't really imagine what that must feel like, not being able to look into a mirror sounds pretty horrifying.
Have you seen a doctor about your mental health? Were there no solutions?
You could always leave the abusive relationship as well, that's what breakups are for.

Anyway wishing you the best, hope you stay with us as long as you can!

 

[Brillet]

I hope you'll find your peace.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

I'm so sorry to hear this, can't really imagine what that must feel like, not being able to look into a mirror sounds pretty horrifying.
Have you seen a doctor about your mental health? Were there no solutions?
You could always leave the abusive relationship as well, that's what breakups are for.

Anyway wishing you the best, hope you stay with us as long as you can!

I've been in and out of hospitals to no avail. No one can help.
A friend stopped me before I could make the drive over. Still here.

 

[Saed]

Oh so good to see you,love.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

Oh so good to see you,love.

Thank you.

I've opted to buy SN instead. Going to make sure I have all I need for that method.

 

[Saed]

Thank you.

I've opted to buy SN instead. Going to make sure I have all I need for that method.

I basically concluded the same after staring down some cliffs

 

[virginiawoolf86]

I basically concluded the same after staring down some cliffs

Yeah, it's not easy when driving over the bridge scares you. My phone fell over while driving, and I nearly leapt out of my skin.
Ordered the SN. I have Olanzipine handy. Wondering about using that as anti-emitic.

 

[Saed]

Yeah, it's not easy when driving over the bridge scares you. My phone fell over while driving, and I nearly leapt out of my skin.
Ordered the SN. I have Olanzipine handy. Wondering about using that as anti-emitic.

I can only imagine what a fraught moment that must have been.
Yep. Olanzepine will work as an AE. Best if it's a medication you take regularly,though.
You seem to know quite a bit about SN already.

 

[Dude1983]

What a bout drinking SN and jump immideately, then u have 2 chances, also jump will be much easier when u just drank it cuz then u gonna realize its real deal coming.