ctb tonight - self induced heart attack

[mymarbles]

i'm not very educated on this but it seems like today i've managed to induce in myself a non-ST-elevation myocardial infarction by consistency abusing medications which cause blood pressure to increase. some hours ago my arm started hurting and tingling as well as my jaw and upper back. which is consistent with a "mini heart attack", according to the web lol. over the past few days its kept my blood pressure in the 170s 180s over whatever (i can't remember) but i looked it up and these are the numbers where medical attention is needed

ive definitely learned from this site that its best to not try to ctb without absolutely knowing what you're doing but i kinda don't care all of this stuff like an and stuff is too hard to access


i've been pacing back and fourth around my room taking more of the same pills im not sure how many i've taken (i'm super dissociated rn and it doesn't even feel like i'm the one even doing it? the decision kinda came out of nowhere altho i've had plans to ctb for a while now) but def more than 4 or 5x the amount i took that caused my bp to sit at what would be considered a medical emergency (like higher than 180/120) as well as sedative things so maybe i can peacefully ctb in my sleep

right now i am quite peaceful and calm despite the fact that my arm and chest are hurting again. no nausea or anything.

this plan probably looks stupid to people who know their stuff in medicine or biology or whatever but i genuinely do not care what happens to me i'm kind of just interested to see what happens in general

hope this makes sense my cognition is not the best. i will update if i am here tmr i will update but if not you can assume i have found peace
ugh i feel like this isn't gonna work. whatever tho i'll keep y'all updated
something worth mentioning is that not knowing if this is even gonna do anything is helpful to the SI. in the same way that every time i go to bed i think about how i might wake up i might not who knows. if that makes sense
omg if this doesn't work i feel like i'd end up with brain damage for life and it feels so weird because it doesn't feel like me who's making the decision and going back for no pills it's like i'm watching someone else do it for me. idk if i'm manic or what
mouth is quite dry
am i doing this right? cause when i post replies to my thread i dont see them

 

[bankai]

I recommend against this attempt. The human body and the heart is very resilient. Trying to induce a heart attack is very difficult. You will do damage. But you won't CTB.anyway keep us appraised.

 

[mymarbles]

I recommend against this attempt. The human body and the heart is very resilient. Trying to induce a heart attack is very difficult. You will do damage. But you won't CTB.anyway we'll talk tomorrow.

man i thought so thank you tho

 

[Haematemesis]

people always find creative ways to die

 

[CatLvr]

man i thought so thank you tho

Not knowing what you are taking, as well as not knowing your general physical health, I cannot say for sure whether you are gonna pass on, but I can tell you, from what you describe you ARE doing damage to your heart.

Please take this in the way it is intended -- I would hate to see you have permanent injuries that could possibly affect you for the rest of your life.

I understand you think you are tired of being here I understand you are in pain, and like most of us, have been for quite some time. I understand that you want to kill yourself. BUT this is very likely not the way to do it.

Whatever happens, know that I, like everyone else here, just want you to find the peace and serenity we all seek.

If I am wrong, and you do manage to pass on, I will light a candle for you and be happy you are finally at peace.

If I am right, and you survive this attempt, please do not think you cannot come back here. Many, many of us (myself included) have tried things that looking back were not the smartest choices we could have made. And obviously didn't work out like we thought it would. No one here will think less of you if you survive your attempt. Or decide to get help.

May your soul be at peace, no matter what happens.

 

[SmilingNoMore]

If you are already in fear of brain damage, it maybe is not the best thing to continue taking random meds. As you say, you don't feel in control of what you are doing, and this would make me uncomfortable with the method. I understand you don't care, but then you also know that anything can happen, including the worst, which may not be what you wish for. I hope you may find some time to reflect and find calm within to be at peace with your decision, and whichever way you decide, I wish you only the best. Sending love your way.

 

[mymarbles]

hope this makes sense my cognition is not the best. i will update if i am

man idk what i was thinking i i hadn't even fallen asleep last night tho the pain in my arm and chest increased