Story CTB tomorrow with SN, started fasting today.

[Nurse T]

So after months of ups and downs and irrational decisions, I have calmly decided that tomorrow is the day.
I have Meto, Promethazine, Diazepam and the SN. Everyone thinks I'm at work tomorrow, but Iv arranged with work to have the day off, so as not arouse suspicion. I'm just trying to decide on location as i don't want anyone I know finding me. How do you even make it easy for the person who does find you, it's never going to be nice for whoever it is and I do feel guilty for that. I feel so sad to put my family and friends through this, but I really can't go on anymore, all I think about every day is ending it, it consumes me, and nothing is enjoyable anymore. I made sure I had the best day yesterday and did something I always dreamed of.
Iv tried to get help from mental health services but the help just isn't there.
I will miss my animals beyond belief, people think this is the easy way out it isn't, it breaks my heart to leave them. But I know they will be looked after.
it breaks me people trying to help me, but I feel I'm just too far gone in the thought process, and I really don't know what it is that is wrong with me, I just mess everything up. Thank you to those here who have messaged or interacted with me. I'm unsure if I will post my thread or not yet, I know you all want help, but I'm just not sure I can cope with doing that aswell.
take care everyone! Here's to peace and being free of mental torture xx

 

[SadGuyWannaDie]

I had snuck off to a hotel for 2 nights to make sure no one who knew me would be the ones who found me. In the room I made a sign warning the staff not to enter and call the authorities because I was dead inside. I had planned to hang up a sheet and tape the sign to that but there was a closet door I was able to open and stick it to so that was all anyone entering the room would see. The moral implications of someone having to walk in and see me that wasn't a professional that deals with this everyday was huge for me. I'm still here so obviously I never drank the SN but that was my thought process when I was where you are now and where I will be again. I hope you find peace it's hard to leave a body for someone to find when you have a conscience. Hotels are common places for this sort of thing to take place and they often train their workers what to do so I am confident if staff sees a sign in a hotel room warning them not to go any further that they will take it seriously. I also turned the air conditioning down as low as it would go and made the room very cold to preserve my body because I wasn't planning to be discovered until the second day. I hope sharing my thoughts on this helps you with your dilemma.

 

[sufferingalways]

Hi I'm so sorry that life has brought you to such point but I feel similar struggles with mental health "services" myself so I understand on some level, the pain you're suffering.
I don't think we've interacted but I hope you find the peace you've been seeking and life not provided.
I appreciate how you feel too re not doing a goodbye thread. Just know that if you find you can't go through with it for whatever reason, there's no shame in that. Life's decisions aren't easy. Wishing you peace.

 

[Nurse T]

I had snuck off to a hotel for 2 nights to make sure no one who knew me would be the ones who found me. In the room I made a sign warning the staff not to enter and call the authorities because I was dead inside. I had planned to hang up a sheet and tape the sign to that but there was a closet door I was able to open and stick it to so that was all anyone entering the room would see. The moral implications of someone having to walk in and see me that wasn't a professional that deals with this everyday was huge for me. I'm still here so obviously I never drank the SN but that was my thought process when I was where you are now and where I will be again. I hope you find peace it's hard to leave a body for someone to find when you have a conscience. Hotels are common places for this sort of thing to take place and they often train their workers what to do so I am confident if staff sees a sign in a hotel room warning them not to go any further that they will take it seriously. I also turned the air conditioning down as low as it would go and made the room very cold to preserve my body because I wasn't planning to be discovered until the second day. I hope sharing my thoughts on this helps you with your dilemma.

Thank you, that is helpful, I hadn't really thought about a hotel, but that could work. I'm sorry your also suffering.

 

[Meditation guide]

Here's to peace and being free of mental torture xx

It must be nice to have that to look forward to. After you drink it just write out a few words of how you feel to us.
It will help us and help you to take your mind off of any panic type thoughts. Or not, if you can't. I wish you an easy
peaceful journey to a much happier place.

 

[Nurse T]

Hi I'm so sorry that life has brought you to such point but I feel similar struggles with mental health "services" myself so I understand on some level, the pain you're suffering.
I don't think we've interacted but I hope you find the peace you've been seeking and life not provided.
I appreciate how you feel too re not doing a goodbye thread. Just know that if you find you can't go through with it for whatever reason, there's no shame in that. Life's decisions aren't easy. Wishing you peace.

Thank you, I am sorry to hear of your struggles too, take care x

 

[sufferingalways]

Thank you, I am sorry to hear of your struggles too, take care x

Thank you. Many in that field should not be there. I wish I could make changes it makes me so angry but unsure what I would do if I even could .. as just one person it's impossible .. it's a mountain of corrupt people. Take care you too. x

 

[SunnyDaze]

So sorry you're at this point and I'm sad to see you go. We never talked but I was a lurker here for a while before joining and I've seen some of your posts.
hope you find peace with whatever you decide.

 

[Breadbfra]

I hope you'll finally be at peace. Sending hugs

 

[SadGuyWannaDie]

Thank you, that is helpful, I hadn't really thought about a hotel, but that could work. I'm sorry your also suffering.

A hotel room was quiet and at least physically comforting though emotionally lonely. With the deadbolt on the door I knew no one would be coming in until I never checked out. It gave me alone time and personal climate control to adjust the temperature and make myself comfortable while I prepared myself. I can't imagine there are that many options to be alone and not discovered but I felt secure there. Thank you, I sympathize with your suffering even if I don't know the reasons behind it. You are exactly where I was a few weeks ago and I hope you find a comfortable and quiet place to be alone.