CTB Today (Change of Plans)

[cacskunk]

I have not been on this forum for several weeks now because my sucidial thoughts have been stabilized thanks to being referred to a psychiatrist by my general practitioner and seeing a new therapist. I am taking Cymbalta now. Do I still think about suicide? Yes. Today is Independence Day and the day I had planned on ctb. I'm not going to do it because while things are still up in the air with having a sexless marriage, filing bankruptcy due to being over $100k in debt, dealing with several chronic illnesses between my spouse and I, him not able to keep a job, and me stagnating in my career, I see things turning around in several of these areas in the future and have decided to hold on. I still have my SN whenever I make that final decision but I plan to stick around for awhile longer.

 

[timf]

I don't know if this will help much. I had some friends who were forced to declare bankruptcy several years ago. They were fearful of what would happen. They told me that afterwards they had all sorts of people wanting to lend them money. I asked the reason and they said that they were not allowed to file for bankruptcy for seven more years so that anyone who loaned them money could hound them for all that time.

I saw a guy being interviewed on 60, minutes several years ago. The interviewer was asking him if he was fearful about going to jail. The guy responded that one is very fearful the first time you go to jail. He then said that the second time you go, you know to bring your tooth brush.

From your post it sounds like you have been intimidated by all the events rushing towards you. However, it also sounds like as you beginning to see the backside of some of these and they are looking less foreboding.

As you begin to see the dragons you face as just lizards, make sure to give yourself credit for being able to deal with what most never have to face. This newly discovered strength can serve you well when facing future dragons.