CTB soon

[Freudite]

Currently it's 6:58 am, planning on CTB with SN at 8:00 am
Right now it's fasting season, so I usually sleep at this hour and my family is very "mind your own business" kinda family so I doubt I'll be interrupted.

My plan:
8:00 drink 3 x 10mg meto
8:15 drink 4 x 200mg cimetidine
9:00 drink SN (follow up by a little bit of nutella)

I'm not as anxious as I thought I'll be, I feel kinda melancholic/calm. Definitely a little bit agitated but I feel like that's just my SI kicking in, as well as the anxious feeling of this possibly failing. I feel like writing the notes and emails was the hardest part of it all, I had to work myself up for a few days to do it.

I'm going to be listening to this to calm down. It's a relaxing song, I recommend it.





Lastly, I appreciate everyone here in the forums, though I may not have been here for long but I feel very nice air of acceptance from everyone here. Wish I had found this community sooner and talked more but hey that's just how it is.

A parting gift from me to the forums, I wish everyone will find their peace;

 

[faust]

I wish you a good luck no matter what your final decision is.
If you decide to stay, you know where to find us.
If you decide to go, then let the wind of peace surround you on your final journey!

 

[BPD Barbie]

Good luck on your journey, I hope everything is peaceful, quick and painless. Go safely

 

[Deleted member 14177]

Wishing you so much peace.

 

[Erase.myself]

I hope you have a peaceful journey

 

[Freudite]

Thank you for all the wishes, I'll update when I've taken the the meto and cimetidine.
I wish the best for your journeys as well,

 

[Quarky00]

Listened to that song you posted , it's beautiful , and calming , and melancholic .

Guess some nervousness should be there .. Not something you do everyday:) . I'm glad that you are overall feeling calm . Not feeling uncomfortable and 'enjoying' your last moments . It is very sad and tragic . Sometimes that's life for you . I'm glad you came to terms with it (so it seems ) . That's the hardest thing mostly . I don't know why you're going away , you've been here only few days and barely wrote , but what you decide best for you

I hope people will be here to talk with you a little bit before you leave . Maybe say what's going on with you?

Anyway , feel free to let us know how you're doing

 

[Spacing Out]

I wish the best for you. We're all here. It sounds like you've prepared and thought this through, so I hope you finally find your peace.

 

[Freudite]

Listened to that song you posted , it's beautiful , and calming , and melancholic .

Guess some nervousness should be there .. Not something you do everyday:) . I'm glad that you are overall feeling calm . Not feeling uncomfortable and 'enjoying' your last moments . It is very sad and tragic . Sometimes that's life for you . I'm glad you came to terms with it (so it seems ) . That's the hardest thing mostly . I don't know why you're going away , you've been here only few days and barely wrote , but what you decide best for you

I hope people will be here to talk with you a little bit before you leave . Maybe say what's going on with you?

Anyway , feel free to let us know how you're doing

Thank you, I only just found the forum recently, a shame really.

I've always wanted to CTB since I was little, at age 25 to be exact (I don't know why but it felt right to me.) So I'm just doing it sooner than expected. (I'm 20.)

Though my life has been a cycle of depression, with each cycle getting worse and worse. Tried getting help through online counselling but it didn't help, I don't trust therapy in this overly religious country. I hate talking about religion and I'm sure therapy here would just be a form of strengthening your bond with God/Allah. Yes there might be a few that don't talk about religion, but I'm not going to risk exposing myself to religious folks. Tried adopting healthier routines but I can't keep up with it.

Though my friend's suicide really pushed me over the edge, at first I tried to get better and continue doing my best. I guess something just snapped in me in the past month so I decided to plan my suicide.

 

[Quarky00]

Yeah , I understand where that's coming from , and that it's impossible to get proper recovery there (actually in many places that are not even religious but yes I understand that particular problem) . So sad this had happened , but I understand the vicious cycles of depression , trying hard (ALONE!) all the time

I hope you are certain you want to end things that way , and that there's really no hope. I'm not doubting you. You sound very sensible and sensitive (too bad we didn't get to know you)

I hope things go well for you. I share your sadness, your despair, and your calm melancholy

 

[Freudite]

I hope you are certain you want to end things that way , and that there's really no hope. I'm not doubting you. You sound very sensible and sensitive (too bad we didn't get to know you)

I'm getting a weird sense of deja vu reading this particular sentence, but yeah I'm sure, when I see my past experiences whenever I got even slightly better, my depression seems to come back more and more intensely. It's not a future I really look forward to, it gets better but then it gets even worse. I'd rather break the cycle permanently.

 

[WinterFaust]

What a lovely song, you have such great taste in music. And is the art yours as well? I find it calming especially along with the music, in a bittersweet way.

I am deeply sorry that life has brought you to this point, it seems like you've been fighting this battle for a while. I do selfishly wish you could stay a little longer but thank you for sharing these incredibly personal last moments with us.

I truly wish you peace in whatever you choose.

 

[Freudite]

What a lovely song, you have such great taste in music. And is the art yours as well? I find it calming especially along with the music, in a bittersweet way.

I am deeply sorry that life has brought you to this point, it seems like you've been fighting this battle for a while. I do selfishly wish you could stay a little longer but thank you for sharing these incredibly personal last moments with us.

I truly wish you peace in whatever you choose. ❤

Yes, it's a great calming song, makes me feel soft. And thank you, I drew it myself, I lost my passion in art due to depression, but I thought I should draw something for the last time.

I wish I could stay as well, everyone here are such wonderful souls. Though I feel like I have to do this now while I could still do it calmly and not anxiety-ridden.

I hope you also find peace.

Update: I took the meto and cimetidine.
It feels surreal that this is happening.

I'm glad everyone is so peacefully supportive, if someone were to try and stop me I think my anxiety would spike up so much.

 

[WinterFaust]

Yes, it's a great calming song, makes me feel soft. And thank you, I drew it myself, I lost my passion in art due to depression, but I thought I should draw something for the last time.

I wish I could stay as well, everyone here are such wonderful souls. Though I feel like I have to do this now while I could still do it calmly and not anxiety-ridden.

I hope you also find peace.

Soft is a good word, I feel like I'm wrapped in a comfy blanket listening to it. Depression takes so much from us... thank you for sharing a bit of that spark. You're talented and it's really great, I hope you don't mind if I save it to remember you.

I understand. You're ready and it's your time.

 

[Freudite]

Soft is a good word, I feel like I'm wrapped in a comfy blanket listening to it. Depression takes so much from us... thank you for sharing a bit of that spark. You're talented and it's really great, I hope you don't mind if I save it to remember you.

I understand. You're ready and it's your time.

I recommend songs by Vashti Bunyan as well, it gives me nostalgia to a time I've never even experienced, most of it is more calmly happy than melancholic.
I'm glad my art could make you feel something, I don't mind you saving it.

 

[lymestolemylife]

Currently it's 6:58 am, planning on CTB with SN at 8:00 am
Right now it's fasting season, so I usually sleep at this hour and my family is very "mind your own business" kinda family so I doubt I'll be interrupted.

My plan:
8:00 drink 3 x 10mg meto
8:15 drink 4 x 200mg cimetidine
9:00 drink SN (follow up by a little bit of nutella)

I'm not as anxious as I thought I'll be, I feel kinda melancholic/calm. Definitely a little bit agitated but I feel like that's just my SI kicking in, as well as the anxious feeling of this possibly failing. I feel like writing the notes and emails was the hardest part of it all, I had to work myself up for a few days to do it.

I'm going to be listening to this to calm down. It's a relaxing song, I recommend it.





Lastly, I appreciate everyone here in the forums, though I may not have been here for long but I feel very nice air of acceptance from everyone here. Wish I had found this community sooner and talked more but hey that's just how it is.

A parting gift from me to the forums, I wish everyone will find their peace;

View attachment 33646

I wish you the best. Hope there is more for us beyond this hell.

 

[WinterFaust]

I recommend songs by Vashti Bunyan as well, it gives me nostalgia to a time I've never even experienced, most of it is more calmly happy than melancholic.
I'm glad my art could make you feel something, I don't mind you saving it.

Thank you for the art and the recommendation. I listened to one, "If I were" and I see the nostalgia. Almost whimsical. Sorry to distract you. Wishing you well on your journey

 

[Maybe the end]

Nice song and drawing there. Thank you for sharing your last moment with us.

I hope you have your peace and clam all along your way.

 

[Freudite]

Thank you for the art and the recommendation. I listened to one, "If I were" and I see the nostalgia. Almost whimsical. Sorry to distract you. Wishing you well on your journey

Whimsical is a great word to describe it, a little child-like.

I don't mind the distraction, I think it's better than to be alone with my thoughts since I'm slowly getting more anxious, though it's a manageable amount. The meto is giving me slight headaches, another distraction from my thoughts I guess.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

I hope it will be peaceful for you! Hope I'm not too late.

 

[Living sucks]

Wishing you peace

 

[WinterFaust]

Whimsical is a great word to describe it, a little child-like.

I don't mind the distraction, I think it's better than to be alone with my thoughts since I'm slowly getting more anxious, though it's a manageable amount. The meto is giving me slight headaches, another distraction from my thoughts I guess.

Child-like is some of my favorite kind of music. Something about listening to something that sounds so innocent is appealing.

Oh no, I'm sorry about the headache and the bit of anxiety... I hope that passes quickly.

 

[KleinerWolf]

You are a kind soul Freudite, I too love your art.
We are sorry to see you go but we know you have most likely thought it through.

I wish you eternal peace and contentment.

 

[Brackenshire]

Sorry to have you go but respect you decision. I wish for you a calm peaceful journey friend

 

[Freudite]

Just drank the SN felt a lot saltier than I expected but not unbearable.

I'm going to lay down and shut my laptop down now, wish me luck.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'm so sorry you have to leave so early... My little candle is burning just for you. I hope it guides you to love and warmth

 

[Living sucks]

@Freudite I'm sorry life let you down

 

[InTheAirTonight]

Oh no.... This is always so sad to see. Find peace

 

[Donk]

hope your journey was a peaceful one. much love

 

[Serenity]

I hope you have found peace You will be missed and are in my thoughts.