CTB relationship advice

[hellworldprincess]

My partner and I used to joke or simply talk about catching the bus together. It used to be clear that in case one of us wanted to end it, we would go together.
That has changed. While I'm increasingly flirting with the possibility of CTB, my partner has apparently started loving their life and when I recently brought up my thoughts of CTB, they called me selfish for potentially leaving them alone.
That my partner wouldn't follow me was completely new to me and now I'm unsure of what to do next.
If I stay in this relationship, I can't soothe myself with the thought of ethically uncomplicated night night. I care about my partner and with them I can probably go on living for more than a year, but I was shaken by this - what feels like - betrayal. But if I do it, they would be devastated.
If I broke up and CTB soon after, that would probably have the same, if not a worse, psychological effect on my partner.
I don't want to further traumatize them. I feel so bad about it, but I don't actually think of myself as selfish for staying consistent in my position.
What should I do?
Keep looking for methods of CTB in secret and act like everything's okay?

 

[rozeske]

It is normal for someone to have a change of heart about suicide and life in general. It's also normal for the degree of your suicidality to change. But judging and using the word selfish and trying to guilt trip you in to staying shouldn't come from a suicidal person even if they no longer are as suicidal. I feel they could have at the very least been understanding of your decision rather than being shocked and throwing a tantrum as if it's the first time they are hearing of it.

 

[Adûnâi]

when I recently brought up my thoughts of CTB, they called me selfish for potentially leaving them alone.

Sweet jesus, that's hella rude. Like wtf. If you were talking about suicide that freely, and now this coarse attitude? It's selfish to keep people alive against their will!