Method CTB plans for tomorrow?

[ijbolijbol8979]

I wanted to share my method and planning for tomorrow

I'm not sure about the lethality of Paroxetine but I'm prescribed with 40mg of it daily. I'm planning to take as many pills as I can since my psychiatrist has to approve refills of it. I'm hoping to get hospitalized at least.
If that doesn't do it i'm going to drink cleaning liquid and see if my condition worsens and probably panic call 911. Multiple members here told me its a bad way to go and will more likely just cause me to get hospitalized and get permanent damage but I really have no other options… i'm scared to actually kill myself and regret it so i'm just mostly planning to get hospitalized and if I CTB then I CTB.

I have a dog with me so I plan on putting her in my room and closing the door so she won't get in the way and accidentally get harmed, and so that she doesn't get harmed if 911 gets called.
I previously wanted to get admitted into a psych ward but my mom was really against it. My family thinks I will get abused there and get worse, and I have heard of horror stories too…

I'm really just at a standstill of being suicidal but scared of the consequences

 

[LastNite]

Please reconsider that. I may be wrong here but lots of people dont recommend SSRIs as drugs for suicide. Not only will you vomit it out. You'll bear the effects of it afterwards slowly not fast. Cleaning liquids will only make it worse. It'll burn your guts from the inside out. If youre feeling at your lowest you dont have to go through it alone. Call someone. Dont make this decision so fast. It doesnt have to be tomorrow. People choose dates to commit suicide but they never put this idea that the date they made up isn't enforced. Nobody is forcing anybody. Even if you told someone that you'll commit that day and you end up not committing. It wont mean youre a "coward". You'd be brave to reconsider it and live another day to see the sun. Dont put yourself into more unnecessary pain than you're already in.

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

Please reconsider that. I may be wrong here but lots of people dont recommend SSRIs as drugs for suicide. Not only will you vomit it out. You'll bear the effects of it afterwards slowly not fast. Cleaning liquids will only make it worse. It'll burn your guts from the inside out. If youre feeling at your lowest you dont have to go through it alone. Call someone. Dont make this decision so fast. It doesnt have to be tomorrow. People choose dates to commit suicide but they never put this idea that the date they made up isn't enforced. Nobody is forcing anybody. Even if you told someone that you'll commit that day and you end up not committing. It wont mean youre a "coward". You'd be brave to reconsider it and live another day to see the sun. Dont put yourself into more unnecessary pain than you're already in.

People before have mentioned that I always say i'm gonna kill myself and never do it. I want to prove them wrong in a way. On my previous posts I mentioned I lost a friend group and honestly I just feel so stuck and lonely… when I was in the hospital getting blood transfusions it was amazing. I had a break from the real world. I was cared for, I had people caring about me. I just want that same experience again. Being in the hospital, away from everyone, being cared for…

 

[Wolf Girl]

You do not need to do this to get hospitalized, friend! You just need to tell them you have a plan, the means to complete the plan, and the intent to complete the plan. OR you could just say you tried partial hanging, passed out, then woke up on the floor because the rope broke or whatever.

 

[gottacheckout]

People before have mentioned that I always say i'm gonna kill myself and never do it. I want to prove them wrong in a way. On my previous posts I mentioned I lost a friend group and honestly I just feel so stuck and lonely… when I was in the hospital getting blood transfusions it was amazing. I had a break from the real world. I was cared for, I had people caring about me. I just want that same experience again. Being in the hospital, away from everyone, being cared for…

Please think about it again. Suicide is not a way to prove anything. And drinking cleaning products is a horrible thing to do. You probably won't die but you will wish you did.

 

[LastNite]

People before have mentioned that I always say i'm gonna kill myself and never do it. I want to prove them wrong in a way. On my previous posts I mentioned I lost a friend group and honestly I just feel so stuck and lonely… when I was in the hospital getting blood transfusions it was amazing. I had a break from the real world. I was cared for, I had people caring about me. I just want that same experience again. Being in the hospital, away from everyone, being cared for…

Like wolf girl said you dont need to act on this to be hospitalized you just tell them youre at risk of harming yourself and theyll send you to a hospital to be taken care for. I get what you mean though I liked it some part of it as well previously when I was hospitalized.

 

[madwoman8]

The last time I was in a psych ward, one of the people that came in had a suicidal scare (meaning intent was there and he was scared he got to that place) so he went to the hospital for help - so mental health problems and suicidal intent will probably get you help. Or calling the hotline and telling them your situation and maybe they could help with how to go to the hospital if your family is not taking you there. I know you are in so much pain, you can probably even just find a way to the hospital or maybe even call emergency to tell them you are scared and are suicidal and need help. I don't think you should take anything, it'll make things worse and I can tell you have hope for recovery and want some help.

I do know what you mean though, I've been in a mental hospital 2 separate times and being with others going through the same thing and having people provide care for you and being away from the real world was nice and you learn a lot and make special bonds with people. Group therapy was a similar experience of bonding with others going through hard things.

Hope things go okay and you get the help you need, we are here for you and understand

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

Like wolf girl said you dont need to act on this to be hospitalized you just tell them youre at risk of harming yourself and theyll send you to a hospital to be taken care for. I get what you mean though I liked it some part of it as well previously when I was hospitalized.

Im glad someone understands what I mean when the hospital stay was nice. But i'm really scared of being in a psych ward/mental hospital :(

The last time I was in a psych ward, one of the people that came in had a suicidal scare (meaning intent was there and he was scared he got to that place) so he went to the hospital for help - so mental health problems and suicidal intent will probably get you help. Or calling the hotline and telling them your situation and maybe they could help with how to go to the hospital if your family is not taking you there. I know you are in so much pain, you can probably even just find a way to the hospital or maybe even call emergency to tell them you are scared and are suicidal and need help. I don't think you should take anything, it'll make things worse and I can tell you have hope for recovery and want some help.

I do know what you mean though, I've been in a mental hospital 2 separate times and being with others going through the same thing and having people provide care for you and being away from the real world was nice and you learn a lot and make special bonds with people. Group therapy was a similar experience of bonding with others going through hard things.

Hope things go okay and you get the help you need, we are here for you and understand

My mom thinks that the other patients there will harm me/i will be put near patients that are "crazy", or the staff will find a way to abuse me. Shes so against it.

 

[UnwindingStar]

I'm not sure yet

 

[getoutgirl]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear all that, you seem in a lot of pain at the moment.
I get the impulse of wanting to at least attempt so that you show those around you the extent of what you are going though, specially when they seem to doubt it. And if they told you that to your face... I get how that can only motivate it even more. + there is that hope you might succeed, and that urge is strong when you exist in such despair. I've thought that and spent nights just thinking about drinking what I had at hand.

However I will echo what others are saying here. It is just not worth it.

You should be just as scared of taking all that and regretting it. Because that's a guarantee pretty much. As soon as you take it there'd be hours of extreme pain and regret. And you don't need more of that.
specially when you can get to the same place you want without the need of going through that.

If you feel like you need a psych ward right now (I think that too), a break and some clarity to rest and recover from this latest episode. Go to one. You do have that option.
You don't need an attempt, they won't judge you over that, the judgement will only come from yourself if you let it. You can go and say "hey, I was just about to kill myself drinking bleach and it's not my first" and the door is open.

I know there are horror stories regarding psych wards. Some suck, but most are rather boring and unhelpful for some. That might be the case. But you'd be in a worse horror story if you kept up with this plan. So if those are the alternatives, I think you might want to take your mother's motherly worry more lightly, and act for yourself for what you think benefits you.

Doing your plan just to show something to other people that may not care as much either way, and to maybe die out of extreme pain and a bunch more regret, it's not the best option of the two. An urge I understand and I've felt, but If you ask me I'd take the path that's non-impulsive, less short term reward and relief and maybe more boring, but I'd go to a psych ward. You can do that.
that'd be my advice based on how you describe your situation, which is shitty still and I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want you to go through that. Be as kind as you can to yourself at least in whatever you decide. big hug <3