CTB on same day as a relative dies to "bundle" the grief?

[pleroman]

My uncle is about to pass away (mom's brother) in hospice care after a struggle with neurodegenerative disease and many concomitant ailments.

My mother is already distressed because of my uncle's health condition (he is the youngest of several siblings) and will no doubt be hit hard with grief when he passes.

Would it be better to CTB on the day my uncle passes?
In this way you "bundle" this grief all in one sad package for your family, so they kind of process it all and recover at the same time?
I realize a common point of consideration will be that losing more than one family member is more devastating. I agree the initial impact might be rough, but there's also probably like a "max grief" sort of saturation point and recovery timeline. Surely it's better than waiting several months until my family is fighting past the grief to do it, plunging them right back into sadness.

 

[LaughingGoat]

I could also see a perspective where it would "overshadow", especially if it's literally the same day, as death from suicide is considered more tragic and you are assumedly younger. Not my personal opinion, I don't do days of remembrance for my dead family so wouldn't matter from my view, but could see some caring about that aspect.

 

[ferrie]

Timelines are very subjective & I don't think anyone else can really tell you when the right moment for you is. I will say that setting a date can tend to give people a lot of anxiety that interferes with going through with an attempt, like extremely heightened deadline anxiety. To get more directly at your question though, I think it would be harder to recover from two losses at once. As you said, your mother is already struggling bc of a loss she knows is going to happen, how would she react to an unexpected one occurring at the same time? There's no way for you to know, but I think you should weigh every possible angle & what your priorities are for ctbing i.e. speed vs distress to others

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I had to grapple with a similar dilemma about two years ago with my mother only it was her father who died of old age. Even though it was a natural death she was still pretty affected by it so I decided that instead of ctb'ing in 2022 like I had originally planned I'd wait until at least 2024 because even for me it seemed cruel to have my mom lose both her father and son in the same year.

At this point I don't really care about her anymore. It's been two years already and no matter how bereaved she gets, it's not like she could have done something to actually help me.