Venting CTB Nightmares?

[Moonicide]

A few days ago I had a nightmare of me attempting to ctb using my method of choice (SN). I started mixing things in, and for some ungodly reason, I decided to fuck it up and pour a bunch of water into the bottle that contained the SN and shake it up. Then I randomly decided I didn't want to ctb anymore... Which lead to me panicking because I had ruined and wasted all the materials required to ctb and I wouldn't be able to do so in the future without suffering. The dream was so unrealistic, but it represented my fears of failing with the method along with the unknown that death brings, I believe.

Anyone else have similar nightmares? Please share your stories with us.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

Yeah I'm in the same boat, I had a dream yesterday night about getting woken up after taking SN (failed attempt as well.)
There's unfortunately nothing that could make you feel better, those dreams are horrible. I hope you're okay

 

[Moonicide]

Yeah I'm in the same boat, I had a dream yesterday night about getting woken up after taking SN (failed attempt as well.)
There's unfortunately nothing that could make you feel better, those dreams are horrible. I hope you're okay

I'm sorry you're dealing with the same thing, love. It's been kind of haunting me in the back of my head a bit...
I hope you're okay too!

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I'm sorry you're dealing with the same thing, love. It's been kind of haunting me in the back of my head a bit...
I hope you're okay too!

Do you keep dreaming about your attempt being succesful as well? Those dreams are even more worse, the dissapointment when you wake up.
We both will be okay!

 

[a.h]

I get really terrible nightmares every time my painkiller meds wear out. Pain can create them too.

 

[Tired_M]

A few days ago I had a similar dream where I was trying to CTB with SN. Strangely I didn't mix/prepared anything, the glass was just there. I drank it, went to bed, passed out, and woke up (in my dream) with an awful fever, headache, difficulty to breathe and dizziness. After some random and weird events, I really woke up, the part where I was trying to commit suicide replaying again and again in my head. Trully disturbing.

 

[Return2Dust]

I've been having dreams that my family members are leaving via SN and there's only two people left - me and someone else (not sure). The SN runs out and I can't get anymore. I'm devastated, alone and pissed I told anyone about the SN. The irony - to be the only one alive instead of the only one leaving.

 

[WallsClosingInn]

Once i had a dream i jumped from my window,and just before i landed i woke up.it was intense...but still remember the feeling i had before jumping.fear,loniless,was crying...

 

[Soulless_Angel]

my path to CTB is to jump from a bridge, just recently I have been having dreams that I have jumped but never hit the bottom, I just keep falling, its horrid. A couple time I have jerked myself awake from it

 

[crybaby]

Last week, I had a dream I took sn and felt nervous and anxious.I was very worried about failure and fear of death :(

 

[Brick In The Wall]

A few days ago I had a nightmare of me attempting to ctb using my method of choice (SN). I started mixing things in, and for some ungodly reason, I decided to fuck it up and pour a bunch of water into the bottle that contained the SN and shake it up. Then I randomly decided I didn't want to ctb anymore... Which lead to me panicking because I had ruined and wasted all the materials required to ctb and I wouldn't be able to do so in the future without suffering. The dream was so unrealistic, but it represented my fears of failing with the method along with the unknown that death brings, I believe.

Anyone else have similar nightmares? Please share your stories with us.

I've had a similar nightmare a few times. Once I had a dream that I finished my regimen and just after I took the SN I woke up for real. I could almost taste the salt and my heart was pounding like crazy. I knew it wasn't my time yet and I've been trying to save it for the right moment now.

 

[Sensei]

Interesting. I've never had a nightmare in which I actually off myself. I've had one in which I finally and irrevocably decide to do it, though. It was more of a sad dream than a scary one.

 

[notjustyetagain]

a couple of days after joining SS, and after ordering my SN, i had a nightmare about CtB: i was in a strange house, though in my own bed, and with my own bedside table, on which was a premixed glass of SN. i drank it, lay down, shut my eyes... and quickly started panicking. i thought about calling emergency services, but instead the police somehow materialised in the room. i was desperately trying to tell them to give me the antidote, but i couldn't remember the phrase "methylene blue". this wouldn't have helped anyway, as i found myself unable to speak. i was running around the room, struggling to survive, trying to find a way to signal what i'd taken, but couldn't find anything to write on or come up with a single effective way to communicate. the panic just kept rising.

this dream ended with my waking up into a bout of sleep paralysis, during which i hallucinated that there was an ultrasharp blade running the full length of my throat, which would slice into my neck every time i inhaled. when i exhaled, the blade would stop slicing. eventually i managed to struggle out of the sleep paralysis and wake up truly, feeling my neck to confirm that there was in fact no wound.

this episode happened at the tail end of >80 hours without sleep; i usually get vivid/horrific dreams when i'm awake that long. i try not to let my dreams affect me but it rattled my confidence in CtB and i became more afraid of the SN unknowns since then. i've had some other, vague death/suicide nightmares since then but none which affected me that much. can't believe it's been ~6 weeks. i'm disappointed it affected me that much -- need to work on it.

 

[Moonicide]

It's comforting, but also heartbreaking that we've all been having similar dreams and fears.
But no matter what, we'll get through it together! Thank you for sharing your stories with me.

 

[Qdv]

a couple of days after joining SS, and after ordering my SN, i had a nightmare about CtB: i was in a strange house, though in my own bed, and with my own bedside table, on which was a premixed glass of SN. i drank it, lay down, shut my eyes... and quickly started panicking. i thought about calling emergency services, but instead the police somehow materialised in the room. i was desperately trying to tell them to give me the antidote, but i couldn't remember the phrase "methylene blue". this wouldn't have helped anyway, as i found myself unable to speak. i was running around the room, struggling to survive, trying to find a way to signal what i'd taken, but couldn't find anything to write on or come up with a single effective way to communicate. the panic just kept rising.

this dream ended with my waking up into a bout of sleep paralysis, during which i hallucinated that there was an ultrasharp blade running the full length of my throat, which would slice into my neck every time i inhaled. when i exhaled, the blade would stop slicing. eventually i managed to struggle out of the sleep paralysis and wake up truly, feeling my neck to confirm that there was in fact no wound.

this episode happened at the tail end of >80 hours without sleep; i usually get vivid/horrific dreams when i'm awake that long. i try not to let my dreams affect me but it rattled my confidence in CtB and i became more afraid of the SN unknowns since then. i've had some other, vague death/suicide nightmares since then but none which affected me that much. can't believe it's been ~6 weeks. i'm disappointed it affected me that much -- need to work on it.

I so deeply empathize with you on your sleep struggles. Going ~80 hours without sleep is unimaginable torture. I fully understand what its like for sleep, which is meant to be restorative, to become a nightmare after so long. Night sweats, jolting awake, paralysis all that. Is this something you experience regularly?

 

[Libracusp_1022]

a couple of days after joining SS, and after ordering my SN, i had a nightmare about CtB: i was in a strange house, though in my own bed, and with my own bedside table, on which was a premixed glass of SN. i drank it, lay down, shut my eyes... and quickly started panicking. i thought about calling emergency services, but instead the police somehow materialised in the room. i was desperately trying to tell them to give me the antidote, but i couldn't remember the phrase "methylene blue". this wouldn't have helped anyway, as i found myself unable to speak. i was running around the room, struggling to survive, trying to find a way to signal what i'd taken, but couldn't find anything to write on or come up with a single effective way to communicate. the panic just kept rising.

this dream ended with my waking up into a bout of sleep paralysis, during which i hallucinated that there was an ultrasharp blade running the full length of my throat, which would slice into my neck every time i inhaled. when i exhaled, the blade would stop slicing. eventually i managed to struggle out of the sleep paralysis and wake up truly, feeling my neck to confirm that there was in fact no wound.

this episode happened at the tail end of >80 hours without sleep; i usually get vivid/horrific dreams when i'm awake that long. i try not to let my dreams affect me but it rattled my confidence in CtB and i became more afraid of the SN unknowns since then. i've had some other, vague death/suicide nightmares since then but none which affected me that much. can't believe it's been ~6 weeks. i'm disappointed it affected me that much -- need to work on it.

Have you ever seen a sleep specialist?

 

[BPD Barbie]

I sometimes see myself in certain suicidal states just before I fall asleep. Slitting my throat has been the recent one, before that it was always hanging from a tree outside my parents house.

 

[Emily123]

I had a nighmare a few months ago that I took N and I got up peacefully after a few hours . Honestly it is not unususall if something like this happen in the real life . Anything that I did in whole my life has been ended up to the worst result . IT is not unusuall if I try the best methods and it fails