I agree with other users have said.
And, well, about jumping... that has been my method since last summer.
But I've never jumped because I was afraid to end up in a wheelchair or paralyzed forever; and that I would have hurt the ones I loved the most.
Then I've realized I'm already hurting them. I'm a burden for them - economically, emotionally, logistically; in any single way.
I am a problem and I can't stand them suffering over me anymore.
Maybe I'll have access to a poison.
Maybe that will trigger my SI and give me back a reason to live. I might feel comfortable and much more confident, knowing that I could decide to get it over with at any moment. My choice only. And that will give me the strength to wait.
Or maybe I'll just take it.