Discussion ctb in dreams

[esse_est_percipi]

Has the thought of ctb affected you/your subconscious so much that it's even made its way into your dreams in some form?

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Funny you should ask. Last night in my dream I found myself at night in the next town over. I was waiting for the bus to come and the sign by the road said "Silence". The bus came, but the dream ended so I don't know if I got on.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I suffer nightmares, once or twice CTB has come up, but in my dream's I have never been able to die, something always stops it happening, I wish I could experience it in a dream until it becomes reality

 

[glittergore]

I had a wild dream a few nights ago that featured me in a high-speed car on a mountainous country road with people I met in the psych ward, trying to slit my wrists with a pair of scissors and failing miserably. I've had several dreams that have featured suicide in the past, this is just my most recent.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

but in my dream's I have never been able to die

I think it's a feature of dreams that you can't actually 'die' in them (from a 'first-person' perspective I mean, obviously it's possible to dream about your own funeral as a kind of impartial spectator).
Although I could just be repeating a myth/received opinion there, and it may be that you can really envision your own death in a dream.

 

[2nd Zed]

I remember dreaming about dying. I think I was falling. It felt euphoric! That's how I know for sure that for me, suicide is the right answer

 

[TheSkyIsBlue]

I think I killed myself in a dream once

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I once dreamed of me dying. To make the story short, the environment was just a white void and two people with me and a motorcycle. I knew that once I got in that bike as a passenger I would die; those other two knew it as well. The driver crashed and we both went flying but I saw a metal rod on the ground I was going directly at it. I just closed my eyes and smiled, happy cuz it happened. Then the metal rod went through me and I hit the floor with a dry hit sound. That was it... I experienced all of that in first person perspective; as almost every single oof my dreams are.

There's a bit more context to that dream but is not necessary, the important part was told.

 

[Bustedhornet]

A couple nights ago I dreamt I was in a minecraft-esque looking forest, floating around the world, trying to find the best location to take my SN. I managed to find a decent spot but as I was honing in my dream fizzled away.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

A short time after I changed my method from 100 ml GHB rectally to SN and the new plan was worked out, I dreamed my ctb.
With all I expect if just swallowing SN without medication.

It was a wonderful dream that I had the wonderful experience of dying. Unfortunately the dream was absolutely realistic, it ended with my death.

 

[ladolcemorte]

I have had a few dreams where I have jumped from a height, felt an enormous sense of peace, and each time I woke up before I hit the ground. Also had a dream that I was on a cruise ship in international waters and I took N and started to fall asleep, but then someone from the crew shook me awake and said the captain was going to dock somewhere so that they could take me to a hospital, and then I woke up. More recently I dreamed that I was trying the amitriptyline cocktail, but I fell asleep before I even finished crushing the pills. Then I woke up (within the dream) in a hospital and was really angry because they had taken away all the amitriptyline that I had procured. I lost my means before even trying and I was furious. Then I woke up from the dream.

Last night I had a really bizarre dream. I went back to the place where I came closest to being happy, with the intent of CTB there. Then the daughter of a colleague appeared in my room and quickly died of amitriptyline poisoning. I called police and insisted I break the news to my colleague because it might be easier for her to hear it from a friend. Then all of a sudden I was at some weird public function (some kind of ribbon cutting thing but not clear what for..) and my colleague's other daughter was there, and keeled over from self poisoning during one of the speeches. I remember feeling really sad about my colleague's daughters, but also jealous of them for dying and jealous that their passings would be mourned far more than my own. Then I woke up before I could CTB.

If you are still reading after all that, my only conclusion is that if you spend a lot of time thinking about CTB it is only natural that those thoughts permeate your dreams...

A short time after I changed my method from 100 ml GHB rectally to SN and the new plan was worked out, I dreamed my ctb.
With all I expect if just swallowing SN without medication.

It was a wonderful dream that I had the wonderful experience of dying. Unfortunately the dream was absolutely realistic, it ended with my death.

What happened when you died in the dream? Did you go to an afterlife or did it just go black, or what?
[

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

For me it's more dreams increasing my will to ctb. Either seeing perfect world and realizing you will never be there. Or just your real life fears/problems even in dreams. Feel like shit after waking up 80% times.

I don't want to see my real troubles even when I sleep. It meant to be relaxing. Not triggering :(

 

[Shades of Grey]

I went through a phase where I regularly dreamed about hanging myself as a teenager after a loved one used that method to CTB. I would always wake up immediately after losing "consciousness". (I'm a lucid dreamer, and suspect this is probably why.) I found these dreams disconcertingly relaxing... a reminder that I was ultimately in control of my fate and capable of opting out at any time should the need arise. They felt a bit like rehearsing my demise, in a way.

I haven't dreamed about suicide in a very long time.

 

[krsu]

i had a dream where i blew my brains out and it was a rush of euphoria and happiness and a huge feeling of relief, i guess that just shows my current mental state

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

What happened when you died in the dream? Did you go to an afterlife or did it just go black, or what?

I can not tell you that.

In the dream I experience the process as I expect it. I prepare everything, take my place and have a chat with an observer before I say goodbye. We toast my death, he with champagne, I with SN, then I drink it.

We keep chatting, constantly explaining how I am and he reports for me in the forum.
A few minutes after the second serving of SN, I pass out and wake up.

 

[SuicidalAgain]

[THIS IS JUST A DREAM, NOT AN ACTUAL REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE]
I was dreaming a while ago that I was taking some medication, but the glass of water had SN in it. I knew it did, but why the hell not? It tasted like sodium bicarbonate mixed with water, and I was thinking, "this isn't as bad as they say on SS", the more I drank, the saltier it got. Then I just went to bed and immediately started feeling my heart rate going up and feeling nauseous. Apparently I had taken an anti-emetic so I wasn't going to vomit. I had mixed feelings about it, but ultimately I was thinking that I'm suicidal most of the time so this is actually good, it will all stop, no more pain after this, no more feeling like an outsider, no more dealing with people and their misunderstanding and prejudice, no more, freedom at long last.
[/DREAM]
Then I woke up.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think I have dreamt about it in the past, where I was close to attempting it in the dream. I think it has happened because ctb is on my mind a lot of the time. I tend to forget the specific details of dreams as soon as I wake up.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Every dream is about wanting to escape existence.