Good evening everyone,
My time has come, after 2 weeks of procrastination I am starting in a few hours for CTB.
The hotel room is booked, the letter for my wife is hidden in the house, I have prepared a note which I will keep with me after the SN for the paramedics or the morgue to notify her and tell her where to find the letter.
I will delete my history, emails from this forum and hotel booking.
I took my last light meal at noon, I plan to take half a tablet of zolpidem 1 hour before the act because it inhibits my fears. It's basically a sleeping pill that I've been using for a few years so it won't knock me out, just give me confidence in this last step.
My only fear is to be saved before I die, so I hid some SN, some metoclopramide in my house just in case.
For propranolol, I have been taking it for several years, and for the protocol I have read the pros and cons. Since I don't have a benzo, I'm going to take some before the SN because I know it relaxes me.
For the protocol, I did the following:
Yesterday :
3x 10mg metoclopramide
3x 40mg propranolol
Today :
8:00 am : 40 mg propranolol + 10 mg metoclopramide
12:00 pm : last meal
2:00 pm : 40 mg propranolol + 10 mg metoclopramide
6:00 pm : no more drink
8:00 pm : 30 mg metoclopramide + 1/2 zolpidem (5mg) + 80 mg propranolol
8:30 pm : antacids
9:00 pm : 30 grams SN (I weigh 100 kilos / 220 pounds) + 120mg propranolol
I will also have 2 more glasses of SN prepared, if I vomit
A few hours from leaving, I feel like I've regained my freedom, I finally chose what I wanted to do and my physical pain will finally stop. I am not yet 30 years old, but have had health problems for a long time.
For once, my work colleagues won't be able to criticize my absence as they like to do since they think I'm faking it.
I feel liberated, though terrified of failing or being found.
I'm sad to leave my wife, and my two cats who are the loves of my life, but I know my wife will take care of them. I have suffered too much for several years to stay by their side.
But I feel that for once, success awaits me. I thank you all for the advice given, the support, I stayed here for a short time but I saw a lot of empathy and mutual aid, it's beautiful.
I wish you the best
My time has come, after 2 weeks of procrastination I am starting in a few hours for CTB.
The hotel room is booked, the letter for my wife is hidden in the house, I have prepared a note which I will keep with me after the SN for the paramedics or the morgue to notify her and tell her where to find the letter.
I will delete my history, emails from this forum and hotel booking.
I took my last light meal at noon, I plan to take half a tablet of zolpidem 1 hour before the act because it inhibits my fears. It's basically a sleeping pill that I've been using for a few years so it won't knock me out, just give me confidence in this last step.
My only fear is to be saved before I die, so I hid some SN, some metoclopramide in my house just in case.
For propranolol, I have been taking it for several years, and for the protocol I have read the pros and cons. Since I don't have a benzo, I'm going to take some before the SN because I know it relaxes me.
For the protocol, I did the following:
Yesterday :
3x 10mg metoclopramide
3x 40mg propranolol
Today :
8:00 am : 40 mg propranolol + 10 mg metoclopramide
12:00 pm : last meal
2:00 pm : 40 mg propranolol + 10 mg metoclopramide
6:00 pm : no more drink
8:00 pm : 30 mg metoclopramide + 1/2 zolpidem (5mg) + 80 mg propranolol
8:30 pm : antacids
9:00 pm : 30 grams SN (I weigh 100 kilos / 220 pounds) + 120mg propranolol
I will also have 2 more glasses of SN prepared, if I vomit
A few hours from leaving, I feel like I've regained my freedom, I finally chose what I wanted to do and my physical pain will finally stop. I am not yet 30 years old, but have had health problems for a long time.
For once, my work colleagues won't be able to criticize my absence as they like to do since they think I'm faking it.
I feel liberated, though terrified of failing or being found.
I'm sad to leave my wife, and my two cats who are the loves of my life, but I know my wife will take care of them. I have suffered too much for several years to stay by their side.
But I feel that for once, success awaits me. I thank you all for the advice given, the support, I stayed here for a short time but I saw a lot of empathy and mutual aid, it's beautiful.
I wish you the best
