dude sorry everyones being kinda bitchy, youre not less valid for not wanting to die fully, you're just tougher and more emotionally intelligent.
wanttogetonthebus
chronically unlucky
- Nov 27, 2021
- 387
This is called a suicidal gesture and this is what most people want according to some studies. A suicidal gesture is a false act of suicide where the user doesn't fully want to die - instead they just want to attract attention by being discovered in the act of suicide so that the people in their lives will finally care about them or offer support to them. If this is what you really want, it's essential that you pick a method that is low on the lethality scale (so that you don't die) and to perform the act in a way that doesn't leave you permanently injured afterwards to the extent that you wouldn't be able to cope with it. It will also be important to ensure that you are discovered in a timely manner. Death is forever so I wouldn't recommend actively seeking it out unless you truly and irrevocably want it. No one can stop you from performing a suicidal gesture, but I'd personally advise against it because there is always a chance that you will actually die. If you want to live, I think it would be better to exhaust all options and seek help (whether it's from friends or family or from a professional) rather than risk your own physical health or safety in an activity that will be inherently risky. There is also no guarantee that the people in your life will respond the way you would want them to in response to your suicidal gesture. You might want your folks to spend more emotionally intimate quality time with you for example, but instead they might react in disgust or might try to distance themselves further from you for example.
Miles Morales
Member
- Jun 8, 2023
- 10
leftdreaming
I should’ve been a house cat
- Apr 28, 2023
- 170
This is really fascinating, kinda changed the way I viewed myself. Do you have any of these studies, or are you going off memory. I'd be interested to know more.
wanttogetonthebus
chronically unlucky
- Nov 27, 2021
- 387
Thank you! I'm glad you found it informative. It's much more common to want to make a suicidal gesture rather than commit suicide and it's nothing to be ashamed over. As for the studies, I'm going off of memory and what I've read because I read a lot on the topic, but one notable statistic is that failed suicide attempts drastically out proportion those that are successful. I think this is because many of them are impulsive and half-hearted where people feel stuck and really are pleading for help and can't bring themselves to seek out that help in a more rational way. https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/means-matter/means-matter/survival/
For those who truly desire to end their lives and for those who are unsure if that's what they want - we all deserve the same respect and compassion which is why I'm grateful this community offers such a safe place for us all to gather and speak openly on these important topics that are difficult for most people.
cami
the lonely
- May 27, 2023
- 186
hey my love. if u dont want to die, please dont attempt to ctb. its a really permanent decision. i assure you that people do care, even if its just through a virtual forum. i would urge you to seek help, its not too late. if it ever gets too much, you could "attempt" (do something that won't work and then call for help or message a lifeline service) so that people know. that would be my last resort but its better than actually trying to ctb. you matter, and you dont have to die to prove it <3
Aisley
Wizard
- Mar 12, 2023
- 627
This never plays out the way one wants it to. Apathy is most likely the result, and the opposite, pity, is the best and worst you would receive. Really, pity is a god-awful thing to have to swallow. You won't like the taste of it.
Think carefully about the connections you want out of this, go down those roads mentally, to the end result, and go straight to the object, the person you want it from. Tell them what you want from them, or pre-empt it by giving just that to them. Like teaching them how. Maybe. Idk. If I knew how to teach people to be human, then I'd be some kind of dick for holding back all these years! Just, suicide attempts won't give you the results that play out in your head. People don't think what you want them to. Cuz they're stupid, and way more selfish than you expect them to be. Usually. Good luck.
Think carefully about the connections you want out of this, go down those roads mentally, to the end result, and go straight to the object, the person you want it from. Tell them what you want from them, or pre-empt it by giving just that to them. Like teaching them how. Maybe. Idk. If I knew how to teach people to be human, then I'd be some kind of dick for holding back all these years! Just, suicide attempts won't give you the results that play out in your head. People don't think what you want them to. Cuz they're stupid, and way more selfish than you expect them to be. Usually. Good luck.
leftdreaming
I should’ve been a house cat
- Apr 28, 2023
- 170
Well said! I feel like Hollywood has turned suicide into something it's not. As much as I'd love to have my perfect 13 Reasons Why daydream script play out after my death where everyone suddenly loves me, that's just not what happens.
@Soohey Ive attempted 4 times and the worst part was always the recovery.
• If you keep it to yourself, you sit in the pain of knowing you failed and that nothing changed: you won't get the attention you want.
• If you get help during the attempt, you get hospitalized (whether is be necessary for survival or inpatient) and it's just really boring. Even if you do get attention, you'll be dealing with the negative effects of your attempt and people treat you very odd. It's like when you aren't in on an inside joke and nobody will tell you what it is. Sometimes people get in a mentally worse state than you (my father couldn't even speak, just sat and shook his leg) and sometimes they don't know what to say so they seem unfriendly. You aren't going to get a trip to Disneyland, but you will get fed up! The only "I love you"s during my whole experience was from me trying to calm everybody else down despite the fact that I was the one in the hospital bed. AND THIS IS A POSITIVE OUTCOME.
• If you get help and don't need hospitalization/aren't sent to impatient you will quickly learn that the system is fucked. Everything costs money and everything is going to continually go up in price as time goes on. I guess this depends on country, but in the US you are going to be feeling that change in your wallet, and not the good kind. Also, quite unfortunately, people only really respond as intensely as you are hoping for when you are hospitalized or dead.
donewithyourview
Member
- May 9, 2022
- 32
OP, are you young? I've had similar thoughts before, especially because I had been emotionally neglected throughout my life and was unable to form meaningful connections with people. I've been there, so please believe me when I say that attempting suicide as a way to get the attention of your loved ones is not the way. If they don't react with sympathy and instead become cold towards you, it will turn you bitter and may even push you over the edge. If they do, you will have to live with the guilt of having put them through such stress. I understand that life can feel very lonely and isolating at times, but I hope you can feel loved and supported without having to resort to such a drastic method. Suicide should be a last resort for when you truly feel like you have nothing left to live for. I know some words from a stranger over the internet might not mean much to you, but I want to let you know that you're not alone in these feelings. If death is what you really want, no one should stop you, but it sounds as if you still have hope that you are loved and cared about.
Personally, I struggled with the exact same thoughts as you until I attended a partial hospitalization program designed to treat complex trauma. I did eventually relapse, but if this seems like a viable option to you, I would at least encourage you to try it out before resorting to suicide attempts.
Personally, I struggled with the exact same thoughts as you until I attended a partial hospitalization program designed to treat complex trauma. I did eventually relapse, but if this seems like a viable option to you, I would at least encourage you to try it out before resorting to suicide attempts.
Pidgeons_Sparrows
-flying rat
- Apr 16, 2023
- 627
I'd definitely agree with others that making an actual attempt is terribly risky and may not give you the results you hoped for- it may well get police and mental health workers involved. Possibly involuntary commitment. When it sounds like you just want your loved ones to notice you're struggling and take you seriously.
Maybe I've got this wrong but am I right in assuming you've never actually told your family and friends the extent of your problems? I think this is definitely the first step. And- not to do it casually or in a ranting/ complaining way either- say there is something you need to talk to them about but it's going to be difficult for both of you. Try and make sure you have their attention. I think you need to MAKE it a big thing for them- tell them how close you were to attempting. That really ought to make them take notice- I hope they do.
I haven't actually studied this I have to say but what @wanttogetonthebus said was interesting- I agree. I think in the case of the OP- they themselves would agree that this description was accurate for them.
To go offtopic though (sorry OP,) I suppose it does frustrate me to be honest that- especially if the cause isn't something obvious and relatable- like chronic or terminal illness- suicide so often is termed as: 'Just a cry for help.' It's not necessarily that people wouldn't be grateful for help but usually by this stage- many realise that they can't be helped- or- it simply won't be enough. I doubt many people here DO actually intend their attempt to be just a gesture to try and attract attention. (Not trying to belittle you OP- it's really sad when it gets to the point where only something so extreme will be enough to make people take notice.)
I actually get really irked when that expression is used. I just feel like it belittles what the person is going through. Either that it's a kind of tantrum- when- surely things have gotten to be pretty bad when they think that only their death will make people notice them. When surely, they must have cause to feel that neglected/ ostracized. Or- to me- it paints it as a kind of desperate act. Which it can be of course- but it can also be arrived at through a calmer thought process: 'If I reach out for support- will that support be enough? How much CAN I actually be helped? How much will I need to help myself? Has that worked in the past? Will the end result likely be worth it? Do I want to keep living to find out?' I expect the majority of people here have already asked themselves those questions. I imagine for most people, by the time they are ready to commit- they are confident that no amount of help will work- or- they have simply chosen to reject it.
Maybe I'm wrong though. As @wanttogetonthebus said- it is curious that failed attempts massively outweigh successful ones. But then- I'm not sure how easy it actually is to kill yourself with what we have available. I wonder how many of those people would appreciate their attempt being called a 'cry for help'. I also wonder- had they been handed a bottle or two of Nembutal at the time- would they have just downed it?
Maybe I've got this wrong but am I right in assuming you've never actually told your family and friends the extent of your problems? I think this is definitely the first step. And- not to do it casually or in a ranting/ complaining way either- say there is something you need to talk to them about but it's going to be difficult for both of you. Try and make sure you have their attention. I think you need to MAKE it a big thing for them- tell them how close you were to attempting. That really ought to make them take notice- I hope they do.
I haven't actually studied this I have to say but what @wanttogetonthebus said was interesting- I agree. I think in the case of the OP- they themselves would agree that this description was accurate for them.
To go offtopic though (sorry OP,) I suppose it does frustrate me to be honest that- especially if the cause isn't something obvious and relatable- like chronic or terminal illness- suicide so often is termed as: 'Just a cry for help.' It's not necessarily that people wouldn't be grateful for help but usually by this stage- many realise that they can't be helped- or- it simply won't be enough. I doubt many people here DO actually intend their attempt to be just a gesture to try and attract attention. (Not trying to belittle you OP- it's really sad when it gets to the point where only something so extreme will be enough to make people take notice.)
I actually get really irked when that expression is used. I just feel like it belittles what the person is going through. Either that it's a kind of tantrum- when- surely things have gotten to be pretty bad when they think that only their death will make people notice them. When surely, they must have cause to feel that neglected/ ostracized. Or- to me- it paints it as a kind of desperate act. Which it can be of course- but it can also be arrived at through a calmer thought process: 'If I reach out for support- will that support be enough? How much CAN I actually be helped? How much will I need to help myself? Has that worked in the past? Will the end result likely be worth it? Do I want to keep living to find out?' I expect the majority of people here have already asked themselves those questions. I imagine for most people, by the time they are ready to commit- they are confident that no amount of help will work- or- they have simply chosen to reject it.
Maybe I'm wrong though. As @wanttogetonthebus said- it is curious that failed attempts massively outweigh successful ones. But then- I'm not sure how easy it actually is to kill yourself with what we have available. I wonder how many of those people would appreciate their attempt being called a 'cry for help'. I also wonder- had they been handed a bottle or two of Nembutal at the time- would they have just downed it?
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Soohey
The world is truly beautiful
- May 3, 2023
- 24
I think everyone was really kind overall,but tysm for your words anyways:)
firebolts
New Member
- Jun 14, 2023
- 2
i feel the same way right now. Last year i was going to ctb, but i told my psychologist and things didnt really change for me. Since i didnt go through it my family didnt think anything of it. I wasnt even institutionalised or anything. I really feel like doing this time but god, the process of fixing whats left of my life seems so hard. I think that is what is pushing me and might be pushing you. I understand u OP
Soohey
The world is truly beautiful
- May 3, 2023
- 24
wow,i didn't there was an expression for that.Its exactly how I've been feeling,you just described it perfectly.But I do agree with you,I don't think trying ctb to fail is a very great idea,even tho that doesn't mean that I don't consider it as an option sometimes
it's so good to know that I'm not the only one with this trouble:)
tysm for your words,and just everyone in general
I'm kind of considering the possibility of recover now and I think it's mostly because of people like you.Seriously,it means a lot.
damn,so sorry to hear about that,it's really sad.Also,I didn't really know about some of those consequences,so ty for sharing your experience to me and everyone,at least for me it would've been pretty tough.
jesus christ,that sounds so horrendous,I hope you can find peace with wathever you do,and tysm for being so empathetic and even sharing your experience:)
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