Venting Ctb...for attention?

[Soohey]

I just don't think I want to stop living.Hell,I don't even think I've ever wanted to die.All I want is someone to find out ig.I want to know that someone actively cares for me,I want to know that they are worried and they hope the best for me.All I want is to finally be able to open up,to tell everyone how I've been feeling all these years and just let everything out.But it's so hard.I have no god damn clue on how to accomplish that.Even writing this here,in a place where no one knows me,makes me feel like complete shit.Every word I say makes me feel even more and more weak,stupid and disappointed on myself.I don't know how to tell anyone any of this with words,I think I would be too much of a coward for that.Thats why I always hoped that my ctb would fail terribly,but its so risky to try,what if I end up permanently injured,or actually just dying??? I don't want to stop living,but feels like that's the only way for me to get the attention I seek for.

 

[FuneralCry]

But I don't get how someone can get any attention if they no longer exist, as in death nobody can experience anything, one is finally free from everything. Failing suicide sounds horrible to me, I also don't get why anyone would hope for that, it's terrifying how suicide attempts can go wrong.
But there is a "recovery" section on this website for those who want to stay here instead of wanting ctb, maybe posts like this belong more in there.

 

[jonward55]

I just don't think I want to stop living.Hell,I don't even think I've ever wanted to die.All I want is someone to find out ig.I want to know that someone actively cares for me,I want to know that they are worried and they hope the best for me.All I want is to finally be able to open up,to tell everyone how I've been feeling all these years and just let everything out.But it's so hard.I have no god damn clue on how to accomplish that.Even writing this here,in a place where no one knows me,makes me feel like complete shit.Every word I say makes me feel even more and more weak,stupid and disappointed on myself.I don't know how to tell anyone any of this with words,I think I would be too much of a coward for that.Thats why I always hoped that my ctb would fail terribly,but its so risky to try,what if I end up permanently injured,or actually just dying??? I don't want to stop living,but feels like that's the only way for me to get the attention I seek for.

If you don't want to CTB then why are you here? I understand your fears but it sounds like you do not want it. I'm here because I know 110% I want it. It's just the method that I can't find you can't seek attention when you are dead. CTB is for yourself, not others.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry for what you have to go through. It's not a good idea to try CTB with the hope of failing. Failed attempts are such a painful experience. That can lead to heavy injuries, you may become a veggie, or in the case it's successful then there is absolutely no way back. That's nothing to make fun of or to try to raise attention although I'm aware that your situation is pretty much hopeless atm. As you say you don't wanna stop living, you still have a chance to turn this around. I really hope you can find peace and way to turn your life to the better. Do you think you tried everything already to turn your situation? And talking here, where nobody is judged for their real feelings, can help already a bit to feel better. You may also want to have a look in the recovery section. I wish you all the best!

 

[Dot]

Thnk = clear tht OP = in plce of desperatn fr thm 2 b considrng attemptng in ordr fr ppl 2 tke thr pain sersly

Am srry tht u r strugglng s/ mch -- wht hve u tried alrdy

 

[Erik.t.f]

seriously just call the suicide hotline or something, go to the doctor and just say you're struggling, as long as you get in touch with a doctor, you don't have to say much, it seems incredibly difficult to seek help but it's not as difficult as you think. For example, calling the emergency services and simply saying where you are and that you are considering suicide can be one way. suicide attempts shouldn't be for attention, seems like you just don't know how to get help and that's not a good reason to try to take your life

 

[Soohey]

But I don't get how someone can get any attention if they no longer exist, as in death nobody can experience anything, one is finally free from everything. Failing suicide sounds horrible to me, I also don't get why anyone would hope for that, it's terrifying how suicide attempts can go wrong.
But there is a "recovery" section on this website for those who want to stay here instead of wanting ctb, maybe posts like this belong more in there.

I thought it would be inappropriate to talk about this stuff in a place that is supposed to be for recovery only,even tho Im very much sorry.Also,answering your doubt
I'm not sure neither,it's just and odd feeling.Its like if I didn't know what I actually want

 

[jonward55]

Thnk = clear tht OP = in plce of desperatn fr thm 2 b considrng attemptng in ordr fr ppl 2 tke thr pain sersly

Am srry tht u r strugglng s/ mch -- wht hve u tried alrdy

You are correct Dot, I wish the OP all the best but it sounds like CTB may not be the solution.

 

[Soohey]

If you don't want to CTB then why are you here? I understand your fears but it sounds like you do not want it. I'm here because I know 110% I want it. It's just the method that I can't find you can't seek attention when you are dead. CTB is for yourself, not others.

very sorry about your situation,hope you find a solution soon (or at least someday)
and ig I'm just here because I was going to ctb a while ago but,as always,I'm too much of a coward to do anything

 

[jonward55]

I thought it would be inappropriate to talk about this stuff in a place that is supposed to be for recovery only,even tho Im very much sorry.Also,answering your doubt
I'm not sure neither,it's just and odd feeling.Its like if I didn't know what I actually want

Not knowing what you want is fine and we are all here for you whatever you decide but it really sounds that CTB is not your answer right now

 

[Soohey]

I'm sorry for what you have to go through. It's not a good idea to try CTB with the hope of failing. Failed attempts are such a painful experience. That can lead to heavy injuries, you may become a veggie, or in the case it's successful then there is absolutely no way back. That's nothing to make fun of or to try to raise attention although I'm aware that your situation is pretty much hopeless atm. As you say you don't wanna stop living, you still have a chance to turn this around. I really hope you can find peace and way to turn your life to the better. Do you think you tried everything already to turn your situation? And talking here, where nobody is judged for their real feelings, can help already a bit to feel better. You may also want to have a look in the recovery section. I wish you all the best!

Thank you for your words.It really means a lot.
I hope that too,I'm just so scared of everything

 

[Dot]

I thought it would be inappropriate to talk about this stuff in a place that is supposed to be for recovery only,even tho Im very much sorry.Also,answering your doubt
I'm not sure neither,it's just and odd feeling.Its like if I didn't know what I actually want

Talkng thngs thru hre = fine - u r dscussng suicde & suicde attmpts fr whatevr reasn so feel free 2 pst hre

 

[Soohey]

Talkng thngs thru hre = fine - u r dscussng suicde & suicde attmpts fr whatevr reasn so feel free 2 pst hre

thanks,I was already getting a lil nervous about deleting the post or not

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Seeking attention by committing suicide? How is that attention seeking when you will be gone and you won't even know what will be happening. If you don't want to commit suicide or you are not sure, there is recovery and off-topic sections I think it will be more appropriate to express how you are feeling out there.

Also to add suicide is always risky and there is always a chance of failing when you try to commit suicide.

I hope you will be able to get answers to the help you are seeking.

All the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

I thought it would be inappropriate to talk about this stuff in a place that is supposed to be for recovery only,even tho Im very much sorry.Also,answering your doubt
I'm not sure neither,it's just and odd feeling.Its like if I didn't know what I actually want

I think that threads like this are exactly what the recovery section of the site is intended for, I don't think that all the posts in the recovery section have to be really positive, it's just a place for those who don't really want to ctb and want advice for their situation to improve and things like that. The forum has separate sections for a reason, I think the suicide section here is meant for those who actually want to die. But anyway good luck, I don't think you will have any problems posting about things like this in the recovery section.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Thank you for your words.It really means a lot.
I hope that too,I'm just so scared of everything

haha it's fine and no need to be scared here. I'm also in a desperate situation right now but for different reasons and your words also make me happy and give me the feeling that at least my words helped you a bit!

I'm just here because I was going to ctb a while ago but,as always,I'm too much of a coward to do anything

You are certainly not a coward! CTB isn't sth easy at all, for none of us here.

 

[SpiderLink]

I just don't think I want to stop living.Hell,I don't even think I've ever wanted to die.All I want is someone to find out ig.I want to know that someone actively cares for me,I want to know that they are worried and they hope the best for me.All I want is to finally be able to open up,to tell everyone how I've been feeling all these years and just let everything out.But it's so hard.I have no god damn clue on how to accomplish that.Even writing this here,in a place where no one knows me,makes me feel like complete shit.Every word I say makes me feel even more and more weak,stupid and disappointed on myself.I don't know how to tell anyone any of this with words,I think I would be too much of a coward for that.Thats why I always hoped that my ctb would fail terribly,but its so risky to try,what if I end up permanently injured,or actually just dying??? I don't want to stop living,but feels like that's the only way for me to get the attention I seek for.

If u haven't tried to get help, then it's worth a try to. I know it's hard, trust me, I know. If it wasn't for my friend calling authorities that night, I doubt I'd be here, I didn't have help then, I was terrified and so grateful at the same time. I'm glad I got to hang on a bit longer..

 

[Dot]

Ok -- honstly am gettng fed up wth sme of th/ pedantry abt wht shld b postd whre whn sme1 = obvsly jst lookng fr spport & rsponses wre alrdy makng thm feel nervs

Suicde dscussn = fr suicde dscussn

OP wantd 2 dscuss attmptng suicde as thy r feelng out of optns

If posts feel out of plce jst rport thm & mve on & allow othr ppl 2 gve OP th/ spport thy obvsly need

 

[jonward55]

Ok -- honstly am gettng fed up wth sme of th/ pedantry abt wht shld b postd whre whn sme1 = obvsly jst lookng fr spport & rsponses wre alrdy makng thm feel nervs

Suicde dscussn = fr suicde dscussn

OP wantd 2 dscuss attmptng suicde as thy r feelng out of optns

If posts feel out of plce jst rport thm & mve on & allow othr ppl 2 gve OP th/ spport thy obvsly need

Well said, someone needs to go through these posts because this section is becoming full of crap now and serious people can not find what they are looking for. 50% of posts in this section really need moving to somewhere else, including this one.

 

[Soohey]

haha it's fine and no need to be scared here. I'm also in a desperate situation right now but for different reasons and your words also make me happy and give me the feeling that at least my words helped you a bit!


You are certainly not a coward! CTB isn't sth easy at all, for none of us here.

tysm!
people like you make me feel a little bit more secure and safe when sharing this kind of stuff here.

 

[UnwindingStar]

Sometimes I struggle with the same thoughts. You are not alone.

 

[Soohey]

If u haven't tried to get help, then it's worth a try to. I know it's hard, trust me, I know. If it wasn't for my friend calling authorities that night, I doubt I'd be here, I didn't have help then, I was terrified and so grateful at the same time. I'm glad I got to hang on a bit longer..

ik but just the tought of everything just,,,not going as id like makes it feel so pointless.Ik it's stupid but I cant really help it.

 

[Dot]

Well said, someone needs to go through these posts because this section is becoming full of crap now and serious people can not find what they are looking for. 50% of posts in this section really need moving to somewhere else, including this one.

Tht = nt wht ws sayng @ all -- ws sayng tht ppl shld nt piling on a membr wh/ = lookng fr spport

Th/ search bar wll alwys b thre

 

[Dot]

ik but just the tought of everything just,,,not going as id like makes it feel so pointless.Ik it's stupid but I cant really help it.

If u try 2 gt bettr & thngs d/ nt wrk out thn suicde wll alwys b thre

Askng fr hlp & th/ idea of wht cmes aftr cn b scry bt jst try 2 tke thngs 1 stp @ tme

 

[Soohey]

Sometimes I struggle with the same thoughts. You are not alone.

thanks.Feel relieving to know that I'm not the only one with this shit going on

If u try 2 gt bettr & thngs d/ nt wrk out thn suicde wll alwys b thre

Askng fr hlp & th/ idea of wht cmes aftr cn b scry bt jst try 2 tke thngs 1 stp @ tme

ig you got a point there,I won't promise anything but I will consider it as an option ig.Thanks for the help and support,I feel a lot better now

 

[Praestat_Mori]

ig you got a point there,I won't promise anything but I will consider it as an option ig.Thanks for the help and support,I feel a lot better now

That's great you feel better now !!

 

[oldfritos]

I just don't think I want to stop living.Hell,I don't even think I've ever wanted to die.All I want is someone to find out ig.I want to know that someone actively cares for me,I want to know that they are worried and they hope the best for me.All I want is to finally be able to open up,to tell everyone how I've been feeling all these years and just let everything out.But it's so hard.I have no god damn clue on how to accomplish that.Even writing this here,in a place where no one knows me,makes me feel like complete shit.Every word I say makes me feel even more and more weak,stupid and disappointed on myself.I don't know how to tell anyone any of this with words,I think I would be too much of a coward for that.Thats why I always hoped that my ctb would fail terribly,but its so risky to try,what if I end up permanently injured,or actually just dying??? I don't want to stop living,but feels like that's the only way for me to get the attention I seek for.

In my experience, after my first attempt my friends started to withdraw from interacting with me, so i got less attention than I did before I had even done anything about my suicidal thoughts. And yea if you do die you probably will get a good bit of attention, but you won't even be able to see it, so i think while wanting to die for attention is valid, it should never be an actual reason as to why you actually do it.

 

[SpiderLink]

ik but just the tought of everything just,,,not going as id like makes it feel so pointless.Ik it's stupid but I cant really help it.

What do u mean?

 

[hellispink]

The sad truth is no one cares even if one attemps and survives. People are fake and will be there and support for a few days. After that one starts being a bother again and one becomes a problem. Wanting others to care is the biggest waste of time. People only care when there is some benefit or temporary but everyone leaves, no exceptions.

 

[RainAndSadness]

But I don't get how someone can get any attention if they no longer exist, as in death nobody can experience anything, one is finally free from everything. Failing suicide sounds horrible to me, I also don't get why anyone would hope for that, it's terrifying how suicide attempts can go wrong.
But there is a "recovery" section on this website for those who want to stay here instead of wanting ctb, maybe posts like this belong more in there.

You're not the one who makes that decision, Funeralcry. You're a not a moderator. This thread belongs into the suicide subforum because it's about someone's struggles and about suicide. This person is clearly suffering and wants to talk/vent about their problem with other mind-liked people who are in a similiar position. Not all posts in the suicide subforum need to be goodbye threads or method discussion, you're allowed to have normal, human conversation as well and this here is definitely a valid thread to post in this subforum.

I think that threads like this are exactly what the recovery section of the site is intended for, I don't think that all the posts in the recovery section have to be really positive, it's just a place for those who don't really want to ctb and want advice for their situation to improve and things like that. The forum has separate sections for a reason, I think the suicide section here is meant for those who actually want to die. But anyway good luck, I don't think you will have any problems posting about things like this in the recovery section.

Yeah, not all posts in the recovery subforum need to be positive but not all posts in the suicide subforum have to be negative either. It's a venting post and they're obviously looking for support and that's a perfect thread for the suicide subforum, as it's about attempting suicide as a direct response of their difficult situation.

You still seem to think that posts in this subforum are only valid when they're about suicide and that's not true. Here you can read which posts and threads belong into which subforum, I've already explained that in the past.

Threads in the suicide subforum don't necessarly need to be about suicide itself. Any kind of venting, anything related to someones suffering or even an inconvenience has a right to exist in the suicide subforum. That's why I put my thread about the anti-abortion and anti-LGBT developments in the US for example in the suicide subforum because it affects the quality of many peoples lives and it will increase the suffering of many people that need access to this type of medical procedure/health care in general. Off-topic on the other hand is for threads with easier and more light-hearted conversations. I hope that clears up some of the confusion.

I suggest you report threads who you believe were posted in the wrong subforum, that would be way more constructive than redirecting people to subforums they don't necessarily want to participate in.

I definitely relate to thes OP. The idea to attempt suicide as a way to gain attention for adequate support is a thought I had in the past. Because let's be honest, people ususally don't give a fuck about your problems until you've crossed the line. It's the sad but hard truth.