It's a bad feeling. I'm open about everything in my life to everyone. Except suicide. That has to be my secret. Last year I was in a facility for suicide watch. And it did more damage to me then good. Now I am paranoid and afraid of hospitals and all the meds. It took away the only parts of myself I actually liked.
Yes, I can relate to that completely. As a teenager, I was shuffled in and out of psych wards for years. I was a ward of the state and had no rights or representation of my own because I was a minor. Nobody cared what I wanted or what I thought about anything. I was placed in the hospital when I didn't need to be there, and I was let out with full bottles of pills while stating as I walked out the door that I would be swallowing every single one of them. I didn't realize at the time that they wanted me to swallow the pills so they would have an excuse to put me back in the hospital and continue collecting insurance money.
I was just being used for the insurance money. I was not a human being to these people, I was just a thing they could use to collect more insurance money. And because I was a ward of the state and a minor, they got away with all of it because it was perfectly legal to treat me any way they wanted to. I was a ward of the state and, therefore, their property. I was forced to take drugs that I have no doubt altered my young brain in ways that I'm probably still dealing with now. I'll never know the extent of the damage that they did to me. I'll never know how much of the current health problems I have were started by them force-feeding me psych meds when I was a teenager and my brain was still developing.
