passivethought121
Specialist
- Jun 11, 2023
- 323
It's mediocre. This ideation feels a lot less different than the last wave, which consisted of self hatred and misery and paranoia, which isn't the case.
I'm sick and tired of having to manually control everything all the time Speak a certain volume, certain tone. Preserving egos at the sake of honesty. Containing all the movement and fidgeting I'm capable of. Being distracted/overwhelmed by shit most people could do easily. Having 200% into being aware of my surroundings, whether I like it or not, while also doing everything else. Learning rules and looking out for hidden rules, and when the rules reverse, and for how long. Forcing my mind not to take things literally. Maintaining basic needs when I have to and not want to. If I stop caring and act "myself" it's gonna get me laid off. How am I gonna survive homeless if I think of CTB at home?
Reality's just I'm stupid and weak and I gotta suck it up and live because this is forever. Or, remember that I don't "have" to live. Evolution and culture have made the masses believe I "have" to keep going, no I don't. So I won't.
I'm sick and tired of having to manually control everything all the time Speak a certain volume, certain tone. Preserving egos at the sake of honesty. Containing all the movement and fidgeting I'm capable of. Being distracted/overwhelmed by shit most people could do easily. Having 200% into being aware of my surroundings, whether I like it or not, while also doing everything else. Learning rules and looking out for hidden rules, and when the rules reverse, and for how long. Forcing my mind not to take things literally. Maintaining basic needs when I have to and not want to. If I stop caring and act "myself" it's gonna get me laid off. How am I gonna survive homeless if I think of CTB at home?
Reality's just I'm stupid and weak and I gotta suck it up and live because this is forever. Or, remember that I don't "have" to live. Evolution and culture have made the masses believe I "have" to keep going, no I don't. So I won't.
