CTB because I don’t have anybody

[pleasehelpmedie]

Have you ever wanted to CTB because you have nobody?
My parents were helicopter parents when I was young, instilled in me body dysmorphia even though I was never overweight, just not lean and beautiful.
Now I'm diagnosed with BPD currently on no medications or therapy. My parents have been supportive through my mental health but now as a result of over involving in my personal life, they hate me too.

I have a boyfriends who loves me to core but again the relationship was extremely tough owing to my BPD and his possessiveness and not wanting me talking to any guys. He can walk out of my life any minute and I have absolutely no friends at all.

This makes me want to CTB, can I get help, or is this how it is going to be?

 

[lostforever77]

My mother died when I was 8, raised by grandparents who passed away in my early 20's. These were the only family I pretty much were ever close to. I had friends, but had the misfortune for marrying a narcissist and moving across country. They were pretty controlling and manipulative, found most of my days were spent trying to get back to the days of love bombing, which is not going to happen. But as a result, never really made any friends. And now she is divorcing me, narcissist discarding at its finest I guess. My self confidence has extremely damaged over the years, and I have CPTSD , honestly there is a lot she did that I will so not go into. So much I could say about how challenging it is for me to make new friends like how I am autistic and very awkward, but I think this sums it up okay at least. But anyway, I outside of having 2 children, and friends here (online), I have virtually no one. Does my therapist count? lol Honestly a lot of days is a pure struggle just to make it to the next, you know? Maybe I can rebuild this thing I called a life, I hope so, but I do not know for certain.

It really sound like you have people that care about you. Maybe not perfect people, people that maybe does not know how to show how they care, and they easily could have made a lot of mistakes. Also I know BPD can distort reality quite a bit, and fear of rejection/adornment can caause issues as well, I know I have this as well. And I would highly encourage not putting all your faith into your boyfriend (especially if he is controlling, and is attempting you not to make friends), and trying to make new friends. How do you do that? Outside of here, I don't think I have any clue. Again my therapist doesn't count, right? Just some things to think about I guess. And I hope you find the answers that you want/need.

And hopefully this was not to rambley. I have a tendency to ramble on my best days, and today is not one of those days. My divorce is finalized today. And for the record, my therapist actually does count quite a lot for me, :-)

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Not having anyone AT ALL is, certainly, one of my reasons for ctb. No family (all dead), no friends, no anybody. It's not my only reason, though. I have plenty of others. It's right up there at the top, though. Trying to live a life devoid of human contact, except for occasional interactions with store clerks and the like, is extremely difficult for one's mental and emotional well-being. It makes for a really empty life. I can't live this way, at least, not for very long.

 

[silence ends]

BPD emotions madness wont ever change.
You you can learn skills to cope with feelings better and learn to manage your behavior triggered by emotions.
Low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, co-depedency, thoughts of "everyone hates you" etc. are main aspects of bpd. Closest relationships are always hardest for bpd. Boundaries, rules, communication.
If your boyfriend is too controlling/obsessive/threathening with leaving etc. that may trigger your bpd even more. It may be abusive but also in other hand you got personality disorder that occasionally makes you see things only in black/white. If your not consciouss of your feelings/thoughts you may accidentally manifest your fears into reality with your own behaviour.
You sound young. Maybe try live life differently before considering ctb.
BPD is hard path to live on. Blessings