Venting Crisis hotlines are borderline useless

[OffTheBullseye]

I was feeling a little bit better today; not actively suicidal, but more of the mind of "I don't want to die, but I don't want to keep living like this." But then by the time evening hit of course everything went to shit so I called 988 and texted the Crisis Text Line.

I swiftly remembered why I do not call crisis hotlines. The first lady I talked to at 988 was rude, and the moment she heard the words "boyfriend" come out of my mouth I could hear her vibe change to something similar to disgust so I promptly hung up. Next lady was better, but the entire conversation essentially amounted to her saying "wow, that sucks," asking me a bunch of questions about if I was going to kill myself, how I was planning on doing it, and then going "well, I'm sorry your situation is so bad. Hopefully it gets better!" I then texted the Crisis Text Line, and it's mostly the same thing; "Wow, that sucks. Are you going to kill yourself? You're not? Well, glad you feel better!"

I don't want help for being suicidal; I want help for whatever is making me feel suicidal. And I keep saying to them, "I do things to distract myself, but it's only temporary, and then I'm right back to where I started, alone and miserable," and they still keep telling me to just take a shower or watch a funny movie. I want advice on how to make things better, not platitudes and empty words. Why don't they get that?

 

[JJ53]

Yeah, it's frustrating. Out of the dozen or so times I've called a crisis line, I've had only one good experience. I'm pretty sure they're all trained to say similar things, like "Sorry to hear that" or "That sounds really tough." I've given up on calling them, not only because of that but also because I rarely get anything useful out of the calls. I can't really admit how suicidal I'm feeling without risking a call to the cops or an ambulance. It's nice that these services exist and that people are trying to help, even if they don't always know the right things to say. As they say, it's the thought that counts.

 

[SketchTurner]

Someone I know engaged with like the online crisis thing ( NHS because I'm in UK ) while he was having a bit of a mental breakdown from stress of being promoted to manager, he said he was having suicidal thoughts, wanting to quit his job. They told him to make an emergency appointment with doctor, he was worried they said maybe he should go to A&e, he went to the doctor, and then they put him on some meds, signed off sick from work, and I think his workplace had like a talking therapy thing because it's a big corporation so he did that. He's OK now, but it worked in that instance how it's supposed to.

They are put forward as being for everyone but really they have a certain window of what they can help with.
They aren't there for long term mental health support, often it's meant to be a first point of contact to refer other people to other services. I suppose you have to imagine someone who hasn't experienced depression or suicidal desire before, maybe after losing their job in their 40s, it's meant as a first point of contact. Lost, confused, don't even know what to do. If you're online in these communities you probably already have awareness of things others don't. Like my friend was really worried when it said to do maybe go for emergency, whereas I would just be like "yeah i've been before and got nowhere".
Some people do get great comfort from talking about their issues, being comforted, having a human listen. If you don't then you don't, it's a personal thing, Similarly some people may have transient periods of depression where they were depressed a while ago and being reminded of things to manage it is helpful.

If you're already aware of these things, engaged with mental health literature/advice, and been thinking about these things for a while - the crisis line may not be able to do much. It isn't long term mental health support, if you've already been pointed to services which are meant to do that and they haven't helped there's a limit.
Also it should probably be taken in to account, these places are regulated a bit, they may not be able to offer you substantial advice on a mental health side if they aren't licenced etc, and they don't want angry rude people like you sensed giving their own views with that freedom which might make someone worse.

edit : And of course imminently suicidal people, which they are like triage for to tell them to go to doctors or call welfare checks. But if you're not about to kill yourself in the next few hours it falls outside the response window.

 

[justkatie]

The problem is that lines like this are taught to give NO advice or honest feelings and just say things like " That sounds difficult" or "It must be hard to go through that".

They're there so people can listen to your problems (because apparently in 2024 we don't have the Internet and share things online) and that's all.

 

[OffTheBullseye]

Someone I know engaged with like the online crisis thing ( NHS because I'm in UK ) while he was having a bit of a mental breakdown from stress of being promoted to manager, he said he was having suicidal thoughts, wanting to quit his job. They told him to make an emergency appointment with doctor, he was worried they said maybe he should go to A&e, he went to the doctor, and then they put him on some meds, signed off sick from work, and I think his workplace had like a talking therapy thing because it's a big corporation so he did that. He's OK now, but it worked in that instance how it's supposed to.

They are put forward as being for everyone but really they have a certain window of what they can help with.
They aren't there for long term mental health support, often it's meant to be a first point of contact to refer other people to other services. I suppose you have to imagine someone who hasn't experienced depression or suicidal desire before, maybe after losing their job in their 40s, it's meant as a first point of contact. Lost, confused, don't even know what to do. If you're online in these communities you probably already have awareness of things others don't. Like my friend was really worried when it said to do maybe go for emergency, whereas I would just be like "yeah i've been before and got nowhere".
Some people do get great comfort from talking about their issues, being comforted, having a human listen. If you don't then you don't, it's a personal thing, Similarly some people may have transient periods of depression where they were depressed a while ago and being reminded of things to manage it is helpful.

If you're already aware of these things, engaged with mental health literature/advice, and been thinking about these things for a while - the crisis line may not be able to do much. It isn't long term mental health support, if you've already been pointed to services which are meant to do that and they haven't helped there's a limit.
Also it should probably be taken in to account, these places are regulated a bit, they may not be able to offer you substantial advice on a mental health side if they aren't licenced etc, and they don't want angry rude people like you sensed giving their own views with that freedom which might make someone worse.

edit : And of course imminently suicidal people, which they are like triage for to tell them to go to doctors or call welfare checks. But if you're not about to kill yourself in the next few hours it falls outside the response window.

That definitely makes sense and I hadn't considered that before, thank you for offering this view! I just wish there were better resources for people who have gone through all the avenues they could have but still have suicidal thoughts outside of just psych wards that just make those issues worse.

 

[SketchTurner]

That definitely makes sense and I hadn't considered that before, thank you for offering this view! I just wish there were better resources for people who have gone through all the avenues they could have but still have suicidal thoughts outside of just psych wards that just make those issues worse.

I'm just a random dude so it's only a view, but yeah it always seems there's a big gap in healthcare if you fall in the middle sadly. I know in the UK there are national charities that run like managed forums or run specific helplines which may be more helpful than generic helplines but I don't know. I can't say for anywhere else. Wishing you the best.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

I called the UK crisis number (111 number in the UK, option 2 for mental health crisis), and they were pretty good, not brilliant, or great, but they helped.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

I was feeling a little bit better today; not actively suicidal, but more of the mind of "I don't want to die, but I don't want to keep living like this." But then by the time evening hit of course everything went to shit so I called 988 and texted the Crisis Text Line.

I swiftly remembered why I do not call crisis hotlines. The first lady I talked to at 988 was rude, and the moment she heard the words "boyfriend" come out of my mouth I could hear her vibe change to something similar to disgust so I promptly hung up. Next lady was better, but the entire conversation essentially amounted to her saying "wow, that sucks," asking me a bunch of questions about if I was going to kill myself, how I was planning on doing it, and then going "well, I'm sorry your situation is so bad. Hopefully it gets better!" I then texted the Crisis Text Line, and it's mostly the same thing; "Wow, that sucks. Are you going to kill yourself? You're not? Well, glad you feel better!"

I don't want help for being suicidal; I want help for whatever is making me feel suicidal. And I keep saying to them, "I do things to distract myself, but it's only temporary, and then I'm right back to where I started, alone and miserable," and they still keep telling me to just take a shower or watch a funny movie. I want advice on how to make things better, not platitudes and empty words. Why don't they get that?

Because they truely suck so hard! There's no help. Everywhere they say the same shit to people like us. It's criminal!

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Next lady was better, but the entire conversation essentially amounted to her saying "wow, that sucks," asking me a bunch of questions about if I was going to kill myself, how I was planning on doing it, and then going "well, I'm sorry your situation is so bad. Hopefully it gets better!" I then texted the Crisis Text Line, and it's mostly the same thing; "Wow, that sucks. Are you going to kill yourself? You're not? Well, glad you feel better!"

I don't want help for being suicidal; I want help for whatever is making me feel suicidal. And I keep saying to them, "I do things to distract myself, but it's only temporary, and then I'm right back to where I started, alone and miserable," and they still keep telling me to just take a shower or watch a funny movie. I want advice on how to make things better, not platitudes and empty words. Why don't they get that?

I volunteered for one of these text lines and during training they told us that we had to ask people if they were going to kill themselves outright. It's like a liability thing and makes the conversation feel so robotic, but there's nothing we can do. We're also not allowed to give advice even if they ask for it. We can't talk about ourselves in any way, because we're just voids to make people feel listened to. We're only allowed to give validation when the person talks, and at the end of the conversation we have to assess risk and suggest they do something fun. If you feel like they all say the same thing, that's because volunteers have to use the same script. I was so disappointed in it that I didn't continue volunteering.

That definitely makes sense and I hadn't considered that before, thank you for offering this view! I just wish there were better resources for people who have gone through all the avenues they could have but still have suicidal thoughts outside of just psych wards that just make those issues worse.

Psych wards and crisis lines all operate within medical malpractice laws, which I would argue harms rather than protects patients. They keep you imprisoned because if you die the doctor will get sued, and not for your own good. Crisis hotlines can't give you any meaningful advice because if you act on someone's advice and it doesn't go well, someone could blame the person on the line and get a lawsuit against them.

 

[render]

both times i called the convo boiled down to "noooo dont kill urself aha" and they told me to book myself into the psych ward and hung up. thanks assholes ill definitely go somewhere thatll make me worse