crippled

[unabletocope]

probably why i am still alive. crippled by my issues in a way that is stopping me from getting things done. i am shattered. life, other people have shattered me in ways i am trapped. i need to die so i can be free. my choices have trapped me. it has all gone wrong. i cannot be helped or fixed, nor am i asking to be helped or fixed. i am lying next to the road, like a corpse or a piece of roadkill. i have been killed but i am dying slowly in maximum pain, because i am trapped, because there is so much that is unresolved, cannot be resolved and leaves no implications for anyone else other than me. i do not parade myself as a victim. all i can do is resolve what i can to myself, within myself. i am getting weaker, this task is too demanding, exhausting, no one can do it. i need a peaceful, private death. but until i can resolve myself to be able to die, my method will not come through. the struggle continues i guess
starting to think i can do it.

 

[unabletocope]

unresolved. everything is unresolved. it's hurting me more and more. desperate for a way out. therapy hasn't helped, just being told to bury it doesn't give me a chance to resolve me. i am easy to scam, manipulate, i get manipulated, i want to die, i won't be manipulated to live, i am suffering everything. unresolved. that's all i can feel. everything has gone wrong, i have destroyed myself, i am trying to die, i have been beaten up and i can't see how to die.