Venting COVID...

[cath55555]

so today I did a positive COVID test.

honestly I feel like crap mentally, and this is the icing on the cake. I'm not "concerned" so to speak about myself; I'm triple jabbed so I'll likely be over it in a week or two.

however, my mum and I were sitting right next to each other on the sofa yesterday. she is physically healthy but my stepdad (who does not live with me) is extremely vulnerable due to his health issues in the past and the medication he is on. I an terrified that there will be a chain of me->mum->him.

if he catches it from her... it will be all my fault. I was as careful as possible but for 2 days since exposure to where I am now certain I caught it, I was negative (have to test alot due to my. job) and didn't see anyone (because of mostly living alone etc). today is day 3, and it's only just shown up on a test, hence why I let her come in the house last night without going upstairs myself. if he catches it, it's because of me. I wasn't careful. she is due to stay at his tonight- what if she has it now too and it isn't showing on her tests as positive yet, because it will take a couple of days for her as well? what if he catches it, and he has to be on a breathing machine in the hospital? or worse. I can't even type that.

I feel helpless, a failure.

mum knows I have it. I feel just awful.

if he catches it from me, I genuinely think I will commit to CTB. as dramatic as I sound, I don't honestly think I would "deserve" to be here anymore- I don't really think I do anyway, but this would be the final straw for me.

if anyone has read all of this, apologies for the rambling and random vent. I just needed to get this out there and it's not like I can tell mum that if he gets sick I'll CTB.

I am disgusting.

 

[tired868686]

You're not disgusting!
You didn't intentionally give it to him and he could get it regardless of you.
It's not your fault at all and you definitely shouldn't make it the reason to CTB.
Please don't blame yourself!
You can't be blamed for someone catching Covid.
Please don't hate yourself over this!

 

[cath55555]

You're not disgusting!
You didn't intentionally give it to him and he could get it regardless of you.
It's not your fault at all and you definitely shouldn't make it the reason to CTB.
Please don't blame yourself!
You can't be blamed for someone catching Covid.
Please don't hate yourself over this!

thank you, I appreciate your kindness alot- I'm just terrified that I've potentially hurt someone else by being stupid/not being cautious enough. I'm so scared all the time of causing people pain, because I live with so much of it on the daily that I don't want to make anyone else have to, if that even makes sense. I'm trying not to panic so much, but after the way the last 3 ish weeks of my life have been going it just feels as though this would really push me over the edge :/

 

[jodes2]

Don't feel bad, you're doing your best in a difficult situation. It's not worth CTBing just for this

 

[tired868686]

thank you, I appreciate your kindness alot- I'm just terrified that I've potentially hurt someone else by being stupid/not being cautious enough. I'm so scared all the time of causing people pain, because I live with so much of it on the daily that I don't want to make anyone else have to, if that even makes sense. I'm trying not to panic so much, but after the way the last 3 ish weeks of my life have been going it just feels as though this would really push me over the edge :/

I understand totally what you're saying, but what it sounds like to me is you are worried for someone else and don't want to cause anyone harm.
That's a very nice thing and shows you're a very caring person who worries about others.
Try not to panic as hard as that can be. You didn't do anything deliberately plus people can catch Covid even with all the precautions so it's not your fault and it's definitely not something you should blame yourself over!

 

[cath55555]

Don't feel bad, you're doing your best in a difficult situation. It's not worth CTBing just for this

thank you. it just feels like this would be another thing contributing towards the last 3 weeks being so stressful, and honestly? I feel scared :(

I understand totally what you're saying, but what it sounds like to me is you are worried for someone else and don't want to cause anyone harm.
That's a very nice thing and shows you're a very caring person who worries about others.
Try not to panic as hard as that can be. You didn't do anything deliberately plus people can catch Covid even with all the precautions so it's not your fault and it's definitely not something you should blame yourself over!

I'm definitely trying to calm myself down, I just feel terrified. I don't want to make anyone ill, or cause him pain, or mum pain if she had to see him sick, or my brothers, his parents.... the list goes on. honestly this is the most fearful I've felt in a long time. I wish I could curl up and cry but it feels like I can't even do that because I'm too tired :/

 

[jodes2]

thank you. it just feels like this would be another thing contributing towards the last 3 weeks being so stressful, and honestly? I feel scared :(

I'm definitely trying to calm myself down, I just feel terrified. I don't want to make anyone ill, or cause him pain, or mum pain if she had to see him sick, or my brothers, his parents.... the list goes on. honestly this is the most fearful I've felt in a long time. I wish I could curl up and cry but it feels like I can't even do that because I'm too tired :/

Sorry you're scared *hugs* I hope things work out, don't blame yourself, it's just circumstances

 

[cath55555]

Sorry you're scared *hugs* I hope things work out, don't blame yourself, it's just circumstances

thank you. your words mean alot to me right now. I'm just hoping I haven't caused anyone else to get sick

 

[Someone123]

so today I did a positive COVID test.

honestly I feel like crap mentally, and this is the icing on the cake. I'm not "concerned" so to speak about myself; I'm triple jabbed so I'll likely be over it in a week or two.

however, my mum and I were sitting right next to each other on the sofa yesterday. she is physically healthy but my stepdad (who does not live with me) is extremely vulnerable due to his health issues in the past and the medication he is on. I an terrified that there will be a chain of me->mum->him.

if he catches it from her... it will be all my fault. I was as careful as possible but for 2 days since exposure to where I am now certain I caught it, I was negative (have to test alot due to my. job) and didn't see anyone (because of mostly living alone etc). today is day 3, and it's only just shown up on a test, hence why I let her come in the house last night without going upstairs myself. if he catches it, it's because of me. I wasn't careful. she is due to stay at his tonight- what if she has it now too and it isn't showing on her tests as positive yet, because it will take a couple of days for her as well? what if he catches it, and he has to be on a breathing machine in the hospital? or worse. I can't even type that.

I feel helpless, a failure.

mum knows I have it. I feel just awful.

if he catches it from me, I genuinely think I will commit to CTB. as dramatic as I sound, I don't honestly think I would "deserve" to be here anymore- I don't really think I do anyway, but this would be the final straw for me.

if anyone has read all of this, apologies for the rambling and random vent. I just needed to get this out there and it's not like I can tell mum that if he gets sick I'll CTB.

I am disgusting.

A little info from my case and some of those I've known- for me symptoms showed up on the ninth day after exposure- I am 99% sure I got in from an outdoor wedding, and this is a typical window. I was quadruple jabbed (I'm over fifty) and it was like a minor cold for three days, through I had nausea and a headache that you don'y generally get from a cold- the fear of what might happen was way worse than what actually happened. If you are veery caeful rom now on they may not catch it, I have known people who live with others who have caught it and they didn't spread it to others because they were careful. Try to not blame yourself, and best of luck to you. :)

 

[cath55555]

A little info from my case and some of those I've known- for me symptoms showed up on the ninth day after exposure- I am 99% sure I got in from an outdoor wedding, and this is a typical window. I was quadruple jabbed (I'm over fifty) and it was like a minor cold for three days, through I had nausea and a headache that you don'y generally get from a cold- the fear of what might happen was way worse than what actually happened. If you are veery caeful rom now on they may not catch it, I have known people who live with others who have caught it and they didn't spread it to others because they were careful. Try to not blame yourself, and best of luck to you. :)

thank you for the information- I'm glad to hear that it wasn't as bad as you feared it would be. I don't actually feel worried for me, just my family/friends who I might have affected. since I did the positive test this morning I've spoken to my mum, I called her at work straight away so she was aware, the only thing I'll probably need during the time of having it will be more cat food, which she'd be willing to leave at the doorstep and walk off. I'm anxious, but she did a test immediately and then called back to say hers was negative, so I'm just hoping it's only me with it... thank you again for sharing your experience, it reassures me a little to think that it might not be so bad as my stepdad (extremely clinically vulnerable) has also had 4 jabs, so maybe he won't get it, or at least not get it so badly...

 

[old red eyes]

Don't feel bad, you're doing your best in a difficult situation. It's not worth CTBing just for this

thats for sure !

 

[Sick&TiredURGH]

It's a virus and it's a very transmissible virus. Unless everyone plans on living in sterile bubbles for their whole lives, it's not going to be eradicated.
Did you worry to the same degree regarding flu germs and cold germs?
Hopefully your step dad has had the vaccine and if he does catch it (in any of the myriad ways that he could) he will sail through it.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's not your fault, you didn't mean to cause harm, the problem is how the human body can torture people and how such a thing as viruses even exist in the first place. It's a very cruel existence. I wish you the best.

 

[Someone123]

I hope it doesn't turn you into a giraffe or a hippopotamus- that would not be cool.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sounds like you've taken every measure possible to be responsible and keep everyone safe. It isn't your fault at all if your step Dad does end up catching it- and fingers crossed- he won't. If your parents truly are that concerned about it, your Mum could always put off seeing him for a bit maybe? Ultimately, it's up to them though. We all take varying amounts of risk with this damn virus every day. Sounds to me like you've done everything you possibly could to warn them and keep them safe. I do get where you are coming from though. I haven't seen my folks since covid began. It's an 8 hour train journey for me to see them and I've been so worried I'll catch it on the journey and pass it to them. Still- we can't live in isolation forever... I truly hope all this passes without them contracting it and that you make a speedy recovery too.

 

[cath55555]

It's a virus and it's a very transmissible virus. Unless everyone plans on living in sterile bubbles for their whole lives, it's not going to be eradicated.
Did you worry to the same degree regarding flu germs and cold germs?
Hopefully your step dad has had the vaccine and if he does catch it (in any of the myriad ways that he could) he will sail through it.

that's true. I don't worry an abnormal amount about other germs/viruses etc, it's just this really rattled me :/

It's not your fault, you didn't mean to cause harm, the problem is how the human body can torture people and how such a thing as viruses even exist in the first place. It's a very cruel existence. I wish you the best.

thank you. I appreciate your words, and I agree it's very cruel.

Sounds like you've taken every measure possible to be responsible and keep everyone safe. It isn't your fault at all if your step Dad does end up catching it- and fingers crossed- he won't. If your parents truly are that concerned about it, your Mum could always put off seeing him for a bit maybe? Ultimately, it's up to them though. We all take varying amounts of risk with this damn virus every day. Sounds to me like you've done everything you possibly could to warn them and keep them safe. I do get where you are coming from though. I haven't seen my folks since covid began. It's an 8 hour train journey for me to see them and I've been so worried I'll catch it on the journey and pass it to them. Still- we can't live in isolation forever... I truly hope all this passes without them contracting it and that you make a speedy recovery too.

thank you for the kindness, it's very appreciated. it's horrible to feel that fear of passing it on accidentally, isn't it? I just don't want anyone in my family to get ill, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping like hell everyone else stays negative on their tests.